Birth Certificate — Going Off Script
It’s a little over a month since I wrote the script to the story I wanted to kill.
I actually stopped calling it a film. It’s a 90 second video clip.
It’s more like the trailer to a movie, like a preview you’re forced to watch at the theatres, before the actual movie you paid to see starts.
Except in this case, it’s not a movie. It’s a real story about me, going off script.
You could count the number of people who know this story on one hand.
Until now.
It’s Time
If you’ve ever baked chocolate chip cookies, you’d get what I’m saying. You know – the recipe on the box tells you to “Bake for 20-25 minutes. Or until golden brown.”
That last part always stresses me out. What exactly is golden brown?
Somehow, on the nth time I peek into the oven door to check if they’re ready, the hot air brushes up to singe my face, and I feel it in my gut.
It’s time.
That’s how I felt about my story and why I wanted to enter it in the “short film” contest. It offered a thousand bucks to the person who could tell a real-life story best. In a little over a minute.
I thought I had a pretty shot. After all, how many people in the world have a mail order bride as their mother?
Out of this subset, how many would confess to being trapped and go one step further to say the price of breaking free was worth it?
All I can say is that my story was ready. It was simply time to tell it.
As you know, I didn’t win. The guy who held a multi-day vigil got a senator to sign a bill-that-fed-the-children-in-Africa won.
The contest was over.
But, I wasn’t done telling my story.
Birth Certificate
It’s been hard to get back to writing my usual Faith Barista posts. In the back of my mind, as I’m showering, driving, or sometimes staring off into space, the question still sits there. It won’t go away, like that dust bunny hiding in the corner of the room, greeting you every time you close the door.
Bonnie… Why don’t you tell your story?
Been there, done that. I did it in 90 seconds. Can I just move on now?
Last week, I was rummaging through paperwork, looking for TJ’s birth certificate.
It’s time for summer school. For me, getting my four year old TJ registered and setup to be off somewhere else for 3 hours a day is important for my sanity. I was collecting all the needed documents.
My fingers were traveling through the file, when they stopped on a slightly yellowed, old folded paper. I made the obligatory mental note to get this random pile of stuff organized asap and opened up the document.
CERTIFICATE OF LIVE BIRTH
Name of Child — First Name: Bonnie
City of Birth: San Francisco
It was my birth certificate.
I don’t think I’ve ever really studied the information on my birth certificate. I’ve used it mainly to prove my identity — my name, birth date, and citizenship. You know, to get a driver’s license, passport and what not.
But, this time, it seemed like it was the first time I really looked at it. Line by line.
Place of Birth: Chinese Hospital
Street Address: xxx Jackson St.
Age of Mother: 18
Residence of Mother: xxx Jackson St.
I had to read the two boxes of addresses again.
Did I read this right?
I was born in a hospital on the same street as the house my mother lived in? … That I lived in?
I was born in a hospital literally called “Chinese Hospital” – Where in the United States could a hospital be named by a race?
Apparently, there is one such hospital. I was born in it.
Golden Brown
I thought the story I told in 90 seconds was done. I’m taking a second look. The story is actually just at the cusp of turning golden brown.
That afternoon I found TJ’s birth certificate, I folded up my own and placed it back in the envelope.
Just like I know it’s time to take the cookies out, I knew I had to take a trip to Chinatown, San Francisco.
I decided to set my GPS for xxx Jackson St. — for the very first time.
My mother and my father left San Francisco when I was four years old. It was the year before they were to be divorced, before my story continued further off script.
I haven’t been back. I have never seen the house I was born into.
Everything was about to change.
To be continued…
~~~~~
Is there something turning golden brown for you? Could God be saying, “It’s time… (fill in the blank).”
Or vice versa. Is there something still baking? Could God be saying, “It’s not time… Let go and be free.”
In either case, what difference would it make?
~~~~~
What happened on my trip to San Francisco?
I’d like to introduce a new category of posts — Going Off Script — to the line of Faith Barista Beverages served here on the blog. (Click here to read all the posts in the series)
I’ll write about scenes from my story and intersperse them with my regular brews. I’m telling it fresh, for the first time, as I take the journey to remember.
I hope the stories will inspire you to experience God’s encouragement, to embrace His story for you.
Thank you for being one of the catalysts God uses to inspire me, by sharing your stories, comments, and readership. May we taste greater freedom, as we find less to fear and more of Christ to trust in.
Faith. It takes us off script.
Be sure to stay tuned in for my next Going Off Script post, as I continue my story. SUBSCRIBE NOW to get the next post in these series and more from FaithBarista hot and fresh directly in your mailbox via email (click here) or RSS (click here) news reader.
Caroline on { Unwrapping Love } Flirt With Remembrance
Jeri Taira on { Unwrapping Love } Flirt With Remembrance
Sandra Heska King on { Unwrapping Love } Flirt With Remembrance
Julie Sunne on { Unwrapping Love } Flirt With Remembrance
Jennifer on { Unwrapping Love } Flirt With Remembrance
How interesting! I can’t wait to read the rest!
Thanks, Kristy!
Your imagery of peeking in the oven to get it ‘just right’ is really telling. There is nothing more satisfying than waiting, watching, waiting and then acting when it’s exactly the right time. We are an instanteous gratification society…and that patient delay is something few of us really experience.
You wrote of ‘ just the right time’ to tell your story, but there are other perfect times that we must all be ready for. And when all of heaven shouts, “Now!”, I want to be ready.
David, http://www.redletterbelievers.com, “Salt and Light”
When the timing is right, it’s worth the wait.
I love reading your post! The realness gets me every time. Keep posting!!
Cherie
)
Thanks, Cherie!
I love this new category of posts. Looking forward to reading more — you’ve definitely left us at a cliff-hanger.
.-= Joy´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday – Tennessee Weekend =-.
I recently started following you but I love your posts…and identify with them very much…and am right now in a place where I am also trying to decide if I should open the oven..or let the brownies burn…
I CAN’T wait to read your next Blog!!!!!
.-= Connie´s last blog ..Hurricane Season is here… =-.
Connie, thanks for giving a shout out and saying hello… Happy to hear about those brownies.
I am struggling to surrender to my new life as a single mother of two disabled teenagers. A divorce women after 33 years of marriage .Accepting what is without resistance is difficult for me. I am seeking answers to how to accept to surrender to what is.To transform and identify myself in this present moment . To let go of my past. I seek peace and serenity to escape from my pain and grief . I know I must deal with it but not as self pity . I read daily
Issaih 43:18 Forget what happend long ago. Don’t think about the past.I am creating something new.
I am glad you are back Boonie, I have missed your posts.
michelle
Acceptance is a day to day trust, as you are doing every day you take care of those children. God sees it all and you are right. He is doing something new in and through you. Thank you so much for sharing. You are not alone.
I am looking forward to hearing the rest of this new series. So glad you have decided to share the rest of your story!
As far as what is “baking” in my life…. I’m still checking to see if it’s done….. it’s getting there. Hopefully, I got the recipe right.
Everyone’s recipe is a little different…
Thanks for saying hello!
My story is still baking, but I look forward to hearing the rest of yours.
.-= 50centlove´s last blog ..Sweet Shot Tuesday =-.
So happy you’re here, Debbie!
Love, love, love this Bonnie! I love hearing people’s stories and yours is definitely unique! Thank you for sharing it with us.
So, currently I’m “baking” my bun in the oven and, let me tell ya, I’m peeking every 5 seconds right now. I feel like the time is golden brown, but he’s still in there. Everyday (every hour) I wonder if now’s the moment. This waiting part is hard, especially because it’s all out of my control. And do I love control.
In addition to this, I’m starting to feel like God’s preparing us for another change. Four years ago we uprooted our lives in a move from WA to CA so my husband could return to Bible college. Last month he graduated and we’re left saying, “Now what?” He feels a call to full-time ministry, but no immediate opportunity has presented itself. So we’re waiting, testing the waters, and anticipating God’s plans for us. It’s exciting and frustrating.
Wow, Melissa! I didn’t know! Anticipation can be both exciting and frustrating. What a great analogy of that baby you’re waiting for … the pregnancy of promise with your husband’s direction and your family’s next steps. Timing is everything and yet we are not in control. It’s the path of faith… and you on it!
This pregnancy has been used by God in so many ways to illustrate lessons for me. Haha! Thanks for the encouragement!
.-= Melissa Brotherton´s last blog ..My, Aren’t We Nosey =-.
BONNIE!
I love your story, and I love where your writing has been going. You’ve got a new urgency that drives the reader just as much as it pushed you to write.
I’m impressed and I look forward to more!!
.-= Jake´s last blog ..Life of the Believer 1: Red Hot =-.
Thanks, Jake!
I always appreciate your feedback.
So intriguing.!! I am looking forward to reading through this journey with you.
.-= Gertha´s last blog ..Presenting… The Video of the Month!!! =-.
Thanks, Gertha!
The story you discover and uncover is so important. My father was a first-generation American, of Greek and Irish parentage. His parents died when he was four. We know the date and place of his birth and his parents’ names but have never been able to uncover any other information, not even information about the people who became my father’s wards, which leaves that huge fill-in-the-blank line, that would answer some, perhaps not most and certainly not all, of our questions. Our name has no one other than my son (whose name is hyphenated) to carry it forward into another generation. It is, however, forever etched on a stone at Arlington, and maybe that’s enough.
Wishing you a gentle journey into your history.
.-= Maureen (Mo)´s last blog ..Barbara Reid: From Finance to Art =-.
Sounds like you were able to get as far as the trail led. I love your last name… I think of it as “Do all as … unto the Lord…”
Great post, Bonnie. Blessings as you explore this story and find His redemption and grace. I look forward to continuing on the journey…
.-= jasonS´s last blog ..Powerful Prayers & 4 Blockers =-.
Thanks for joining me.
Riveting…thanks for being so courageous and letting us see this part of your journey.
As for me…people have been saying I’m half-baked for years!
Blessings,
Jay
.-= Jay Cookingham´s last blog ..Totally Random Tuesday =-.
LOL.
I love taking this journey with you!
I went back in time a few years ago. Grandma’s house–gone. Just a field. Mom’s house–gone. Funeral home parking lot. My house–still there. Must be a lesson in there. Now I’ll have to think about it.
Love ya, girlfriend.
.-= Sandra Heska King´s last blog ..SAFE! =-.
Love ya, back!
Bonnie…I’m intrigued and excited to hear ‘the rest of your story!’ I’m sure it is rich in color texture and will touch our hearts. Since Decenber if 2009, I feel I begun a journey filling my life with the things I’ve always wanted to fill it with but had to be practical. I’m continuing with writing…good or not so good…I love using words to express where I am or am going or have been. I’ve joined a writing group in my area and am excited to get going using this medium to tell my story or stories wanting to be born. I have one writing class under my belt this year and that was nerve wracking–baring my soul. It was good in some way but hard in others. This writing group seems to be less scary but still out there writing. The way it works seems directly from God because it fits me so well. I am always so amazed at how Abba nourishes me. He is so totally awesome. In Him, I find a love that I have found nowhere else.
That’s wonderful, Dee!
Bonnie your words are couragous and encouraging. Wishing you well in your journey of telling your story. I so look forward to reading your blog and all that it entails.
Telling your story is the hardest yet most healing thing ever. I have told my story and it helps heal it.
.-= Katie´s last blog ..Katie’s World =-.
Thanks, Katie! It’s liberating.
I voted each day for your video as I thought your story deserved to win. But God had other plans for your story. Is there a book to write in your future?
I for one will definitely be checking in to hear more about this amazing story.
Blessings and love,
Debbie
.-= Debbie´s last blog ..Word Filled Wednesday ~ My Rock =-.
Bonnie, your post is so insightful and thought provoking. I think I am still baking. God seems to be telling me to wait and be still and wait right now. So I’m trying to be patient and using this ‘down time’ for more internal consideration without rushing off to my next big adventure. It is so hard to stay still after 10 years of rushing from one thing to another since high school.
.-= Kristine´s last blog ..Did You Miss Me? =-.
What?! To be continued?! Not to boss you around or anything, but hurry up and tell the rest! LOVED this, Bonnie!
.-= Billy Coffey´s last blog ..Pretending =-.
Oh, girl, you had me with the first words of your story and now you’re throwing in chocolate chip cookies?!? Can this tale of God’s goodness get any more delicious? You know, I think in His better-than-best way it can and WILL. So thankful to be along for this journey with you, it’s like reading one of the best books ever, page by page, as you unfold it for us. Mwah! Sticky chocolate cookie hugs and kisses from my heart to yours, sweet friend.
.-= Holley Gerth´s last blog ..God-sized dreams…never happen alone =-.
Girl, I cannot wait to read the next part and discover more about your life. I’m so glad you’ve gotten to a place in your life where you see the value of sharing this story. Who knows how God will impact some other person’s life because of you. Awesome
.-= Kristine McGuire´s last blog ..All Things Works Together…even if we don’t see it =-.
Bonnie, I pray that your journey helps in your continued healing, and in some way brings you closer the healing of your relationship with your mom.
But seriously, there is some stuff I am working on.
My story is only half baked.
.-= Helen´s last blog ..Soundtrack to My Life =-.
Bonnie,
I”m glad you’re taking this journey. And grateful to accompany you on the ride. I’m looking forward to reading about all the discoveries you make along the way. I’ll pray for you through it, too, as I know that sometimes these things can yield some intense emotions.
Traveling mercies!
.-= Laura´s last blog ..Picnic =-.
I’m thrilled you haven’t been allowed, with the 90-second ‘trailer’, finished, to tie it all up with a ribbon and stash it in a drawer. You are far from done making discoveries. (I could have predicted but who listens to me?)
Thanks for the privilege of following along! I have you in my Google Reader.
I’m so excited that you’re telling the rest of your story! I can’t wait to read the next installment. I’m also anticipating seeing what God is going to reveal about the rest of my story!
~Jennifer
Bonnie. This is so moving. Thank you thank you for seeing the golden brown and moving forward with telling your story. I look forward to the rest. Now I’m gonna have to subscribe so I don’t miss anything!!
.-= emily´s last blog ..one way to find the time =-.
I’m with Billy. Continued? Looking very forward to the rest of your story. So glad you are sharing it with us.
.-= Amy Nabors´s last blog ..Magic Moments of Alabama =-.
Not only do I need the rest of the story, I need chocolate chip cookies!!!
I love that a story sticks with you…even after it is all gobbled up!
Keep sharing. I will keep reading,
Stacey
.-= Stacey´s last blog ..June To Do List =-.
Loved the analogy – right now I am in an almost done baking part of life and trying to be content as my husband and I are working on “next things” and trying to be on the same page with each other and God’s plans.
.-= Amber´s last blog ..Where will you “Go Local” this Summer? =-.
First of all, you made me hungry. Hungry for cookies, and hungry for more. Your 90 second story was such a good starting point. I’m glad to be a part of following along as you rediscover your roots. It’s made me think…now that I’m back to where I lived as a young child, what is there for me to rediscover?
So far as what’s baking in my life? I’ve said in a previous comment that I have a story that I know I need to share. It’s never been the right time or the right place to share. I’m starting to think that now (or the near future) is the time. We’ll see. I want to tell it right, and I’m not sure how to go about doing so.
Hugs and prayers for you as you go on this journey.
.-= Rachel @ the science of music´s last blog ..Photo Hunt: Bubbles =-.
mmmmm…chocolate chip cookies:) I have the best recipe by the way! I can’t wait to hear the rest of your story. You have a gift of writing, sweet friend. God is using you in a mighty way:D
So glad you are doing this, Bonnie! I can’t wait to read the rest of the story!!!
.-= Chrystie´s last blog ..How’s Your Race? =-.
Bonnie, you give me goose bumps when I read your blog! I’m so proud of you! I don’t know where you get this “get er’ done” attitude, but I just love your initiative! You inspire me! Keep it up my sister; and know you are loved!
Hugs, Erin
You are fantastic! I’m so intrigued and inspired to take another peek at some stuff God’s got cooking in my life!
Bonnie, there is a strange stirring in my heart as you tell this. A yearning to return to another time and place, as if I might go up to the little girl who was me, stroke her cheek, and reassure her that it all comes out okay in the end.
The end isn’t here yet, for the little girl who was me, for the little girl who was you. If it was possible to reach across time and distance to the Chinatown of long ago, I would take your hand and walk with you into that hospital.
I’ll be watching for that moment here.
.-= Anne Lang Bundy´s last blog ..To One I Love =-.
Bonnie,
I admire you for being brave enough to tell your story and I know you will (and already have) inspire many, including me. I look forward to reading more…
Hugs,
Genny
.-= Genny´s last blog ..I know it’s not Halloween, but… =-.
I LOVE this! is there more? I’m soooo excited you are telling your story! yippee
makes me smile!
It is a treat to dip in and read here a while. Thank you for writing. Not that I think you can help it!
.-= Belinda Burston´s last blog ..The Cupboard Was Bare =-.