Rewriting History — Going Off Script
FAITH BARISTA BLOG'S 1st BIRTHDAY IS HERE !
** GOD'S HEART NECKLACE GIVEAWAY **
To celebrate, I'm giving away Dayspring's "God's Heart For You" Necklace
This beautiful silver sterling necklace features a pendant
with the engraved words: created, chosen, celebrated, and cherished.
Enter the God's Heart Necklace Giveway At The End Of Today's Post !
I couldn’t tell you the name of the streets I walked as a child.
Don’t need to. I can describe the Tetris-like enclave of broken curbs, windowless doorways, souvenir shops and Hunan, Szechuan, and what-not restaurants, like the profile of my first puppy love.
Many of the buildings showcase new paint jobs, but one characteristic doesn’t fade.
History.
Filling In The Blanks
The Chinese Hospital, my first destination of the day, was built in 1925. It was built to replace the Tung Wah Dispensary, after it was destroyed by the 1906 San Francisco Earthquake. The San Francisco Chinese Hospital is the first and only Chinese hospital in America.
I was in a hurry to find that hospital. I needed to see it.
Like that hospital, I have history here. I was first spotted on this planet in that building. Bits and parts of me have been destroyed by shakes and levelings too, but not the kind that registers on a Richter scale.
I don’t know what I’d find by going there. But, it was important to me to stand in the doorway of where my story began.
It is time to rebuild.
I needed to see as much as I could of the past. I prayed to look back on it with new eyes.
A part of me has always believed, The past already happened. Why go back?
This time, God prompted me to imagine differently. You’ve missed seeing me in it. Let me fill in the blanks.
God, tell me what I need to know.
Maybe I sound like some crystal-seeking hippie, driving in a beat up Jeep through the deserts to Sedona, but I seriously believed God had something special for me — in those first moments of seeing my birthplace.
I had no idea what thoughts or emotions would define this journey for me. But, I knew it would be something that had been missing.
Rewriting History
As I ambled out of the Portsmouth Square Parking Garage, I re-oriented myself up the hill.
If you ever go there, you’ll be walking the same streets I took that day. The narrow alleys are still there. Always will be.
Walk one block up the hill. You’ll be standing at a very important street corner, under a pagoda shaped stoplight. Voila. You’ve placed yourself smack dab on Grant, the “Main Street” of San Francisco Chinatown.
Glance over your left shoulder and you’ll see your reflection against the window into one of my fondest childhood memories.
The Candy Store
You can’t miss it. The green, black and orange tiles that decorate the walls are still loud and brassy.
The shop sells souvenir junk there now. It didn’t matter. This will always be my candy store.
There’s a lot of bad press on candy for kids nowadays. Too much sugar fries the brain. Offer a kid candy, and you’d think I was offering him a cigarette.
Seriously. Every kid lives for candy, don’t they? Me, I loved that stuff. I loved crunching on it, chewing it, and lodging it in the side of my mouth until half my tongue turned grape-purple.
Whenever I got my chance to buy candy, it was always a toss up between a lollipop or a roll of Life Savers. The Life Savers usually won out.
I figured Life Savers last the longest, because there are so many flavors and they take a long time to melt.
As I reminisced, a memory I’d almost forgotten surfaced.
One of my fondest memories of candy — that I didn’t dare admit — wasn’t from the candy store.
It was candy given to me by Yeh-Yeh. My father’s dad.
Just For Me
I can’t remember what his voice sounds like. Can’t recall the words he spoke.
I remember his smile.
He did with his eyes, in a way that always ended in a laugh. Like he had something really awesome hidden in the hand behind his back.
I didn’t get to see him that often. He was sick, I think. Always in his room.
Sometimes, he’d call out to me.
“Baaawwwnnneee!” His bedroom door would creak open and I’d know to go in.
He’d hug me like I’d imagine a bear would pull in a jar of honey, pressing me into his soft, flannel buttoned shirt. He’d plant a wet kiss on my cheek and I’d feel his scruffy whiskers. His hair was never combed, but it just made him look funny all the time. The good kind of funny.
After the hug and kiss, he’d pull out a lollipop, just for me.
He’d tug the plastic wrapper off real easy. I’d pop it in my mouth, just the same.
He’d laugh and so would I. I’d leave his room just as quickly.
I never did see him after my parents split up.
Alive
I was surprised at how crisp and full that memory came alive as I stood there — a grown up Bonnie, all five feet of me. It didn’t matter that the moments were fleeting or few.
I felt a streak of joy and warmth.
I recognized this feeling. I didn’t understand it as a girl not-yet-three, but I know the word for it now.
Cherished.
As I stood there, staring at the plastic toys stacked up against the store window, I realized something.
History can be rewritten. God can fill in the blanks.
… I didn’t expect the past to look different.
… I didn’t know how to rebuild.
I turned to wait at the stoplight again. The walk sign flashed on. I stepped out to cross the street and make my way towards Jackson Street. The morning sunlight peeked through the silhouette of the buildings. The city was coming alive. So was I…
To Be Continued…
~~~~~
What happens next on my journey?
Tune in next time, as I continue the story — “Going Off Script”.
Subscribe Now and get my story directly sent to your email inbox.
If you want to start at the beginning, read the earlier installments and click here.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
** GOD’S HEART NECKLACE GIVEAWAY **
Faith Barista Blog’s 1st Birthday is Monday 7/26/10!
To say THANK YOU to the Faith Barista readers, I’m giving away Dayspring’s “God’s Heart For You” Necklace to ONE reader who will be randomly selected.
ENTER TO WIN:
1. BY MONDAY 7/26/10 – Midnight:
Click Here To Subscribe to Faith Barista & Comment Letting Me Know You Subscribed
(* If you already subscribe, just share a comment.)
EXTRA ENTRIES:
2. Share your thoughts about today’s post. Comment and you’re entered – again!
3. Go on Twitter and send the tweet below out to your peeps. Comment again to let me know you’ve tweeted.
Can You Rewrite History? http://bit.ly/bhuGC5 Comment & Win Dayspring’s God’s Heart Necklace (via @TheBonnieGray)
4. Share this post on Facebook. Click the Share icon below. Comment that you’ve Facebooked.
** The WINNER randomly selected by an online random generator is:
Amy who said, “I subscribe and love reading your thoughts!”.
Thanks to everyone for taking the time to enter, subscribe and drop a comment! What a celebration!
Thank you, friends, for making this year my cherished memory of sharing stories, faith and prayer. You’ve inspired me to experience God’s encouragement.
Time is a precious commodity. So is heart. I’m grateful to you for sharing both with me as you read, comment or email. I’m amazed by God’s grace through you!
Faith. It takes us off script.
Going Off Script are a collection of scenes from my story, interspersed along with my regular brews. I'm telling it fresh, for the first time, as I take the journey to remember. Be sure to stay tuned in for my next Going Off Script post, as I continue my story. SUBSCRIBE NOW to get the next post in these series and more from FaithBarista hot and fresh directly in your mailbox via email (click here) or RSS (click here) news reader.
Layla on Why I’ve Been Away & Why I Must Write Today
Carol Morris on The Heart That Says Yes
Marcy on Why I’ve Been Away & Why I Must Write Today
Dileep on Looking For My Real Father
Stephanie on Why I’ve Been Away & Why I Must Write Today
I love the idea of God rewriting and filling in the blanks, the history I have. I have begun to share my story with others in many ways, but had not thought about how I am being rewritten and remolded. I am though. I am. He is using me to help others by sharing my story. He is showing me that I am cherished and beautiful through out my history.
As always thank you for sharing your heart.
.-= Katie´s last blog ..Victory =-.
I facebooked it! (I had already subscribed when I first found your blog a while ago via revelife.)
.-= Katie´s last blog ..Victory =-.
Congratulations on 1 year! I am already a subscriber.
It’s beautiful that when we are redeemed by God, He redeems everything, including our past. When we give our past to God, He heals it, and brings Himself glory from it. Thank you for sharing your journey of redemption.
.-= Shelli @ Hopefully Devoted´s last blog ..Voices- For Such A Time As This =-.
I tweeted! http://twitter.com/hopedevoted/status/19331118330
.-= Shelli @ Hopefully Devoted´s last blog ..Voices- For Such A Time As This =-.
I sent a tweet! http://twitter.com/hopedevoted/status/19331118330
.-= Shelli @ Hopefully Devoted´s last blog ..Voices- For Such A Time As This =-.
Happy 1st Blog Birthday! I already subscribe.
Also, I really enjoyed the end of this portion of your story, where you realize that the past can be re-written when God puts Himself in it. I am still going through the process of having that happen in my own life. It’s beautiful!!
I’m so happy for you, Anna!
I’m a subscriber and follower! Amazing story of your past and how God is redeeming it for you.
.-= Mari Larkin´s last blog ..Frustrated =-.
Just tweeted it on Twitter! @http://twitter.com/MariLarkin
.-= Mari Larkin´s last blog ..Frustrated =-.
I subscribe and love reading your thoughts!
We serve an awesome God!! I love how certain tastes, sounds, sights brings us memories from our pasts!!
@Katie, @Shelli, @Anna, @Mari, @Amy, —
– and EVERYONE HERE —
Thank you so much for the happy birthday wishes — You’re really bringing the celebration to this party!
Bonnie, have you done Beth Moore’s Inheritance study? Highly recommend it! It’s helping to fill in the blanks of my life much like your recent experiences. Thank you so much for continuing to share your journey. Joel 2:25!
I haven’t. Thanks for the recommedation & Joel 2:25, Carol!
oh oh oh, I want to win!
I already subscribe, and though I haven’t commented in a while, I still read your posts everytime 
And HAPPY BLOGAVERSARRY!!!
.-= Maureen´s last blog ..Friday Foto Flashback- Kip =-.
I love that you are sharing your journey. I really think you should be writting a book. I look forward to the next installment. I get so intrigued with the story and then I come to “to be continued.” I really need a book!
.-= Mandie´s last blog ..Cutest little models! =-.
I am subscriber.
.-= Debbie´s last blog ..Weekly Wrap-up- Our Curriculum Choices =-.
Bonnie, I truly love your blog. You speak to me…..or should I say God speaks to me THROUGH you? Thank you for stepping out in faith.
.-= Dawn´s last blog ..Grocery Shopping Carnage =-.
Thanks so much, Dawn!
I’m already a subscriber, but I Facebooked you!
.-= Dawn´s last blog ..Grocery Shopping Carnage =-.
I’ve been a subscriber for a while now but I sent you out on Twitter today:)
.-= Dawn´s last blog ..Grocery Shopping Carnage =-.
Don’t put my name in the drawing. It’s a wonderful necklace, but I wouldn’t know what to do with it.
I just wanted to tell you I loved this post. Rewriting History is made possible with God. Have a good day!
.-= Duane Scott´s last blog ..dreaming with a troubled heart =-.
Put his name in the drawing. He has a mom and sisters and a GF.
.-= Sandra Heska King´s last blog ..There are Rules A Photoplay Prompt =-.
You’ve been outed Duane. You’re in the running — Thanks, Sandra!
I subscribed some time ago – love the way you share you heart!
I subscribed!
facebooked.
I completely believe we can rewrite history…or at least refuse to let it influence our present and our future. each new day is like a new beginning. We can be a new creation by not dwelling in our past mistakes, our past histories…
My daughter sent me over to your blog a while back and I’ve been following ever since. We live about 1 1/2 hours from San Francisco and go there quite often, so I know of some of the places that you talk about. Your comment about letting God fill in the blanks of our pasts…awesome. Thank you for taking the time not only to revisit and heal, but also to share it with the rest of us.
Sylvia
Yay! A fellow California girl — Thanks, Sylvia!
I have been a subscriber and I really enjoy your insight. I want to start walking with awareness of how God is filling in those blanks in my life.
I have shared this with facebook too.
I’m already an email subscriber!
.-= LaTanya´s last blog ..CVS Deals 7-18 – 7-24-10 =-.
Tweeted, Facebooked, and subscribed (I thought I already was.)
I love your story. I love what you are learning. Indeed, you are cherished, and I celebrate you and with you today.
I took a trip back in my history last week. I wanted to linger longer. I need to go back. Alone.
.-= Sandra Heska King´s last blog ..There are Rules A Photoplay Prompt =-.
If you end up writing a post about it, lemme know. I’d love to hear your experience. Thanks, Sandra!
WOW I am excited to share your journey with you! You are blessed in that you are able to go back to where you lived as our Father shows you Him in your past. When He did this with me, I was in Germany and not able to go back to the beginning physically. We (FatherGod and me)went there spiritually or in my mind’s eye–it felt like I was there in my past and oh the healing that happened and the understanding of why I am the way I am!!! I am sure you learned so much! Ain’t our Father GRAND?!!!!
Yes!
I’ve just facebooked and am already a subscriber. I hope more people will find your site and get the shots of faith they need!
Hi Bonnie
I love reading your blog.You are tiny like me..(I’m 4 ft 8 in) but your heart is HUGE. If I ever get to visit California I would love to see the places you mention in your blog. I love sipping my coffee while I read your blog too.
Blessings
Stephanie
Aw. We’re tiny, but might in God’s heart.
Thanks, Stephanie.
I keep ending these posts with tears in my eyes. I’m waiting for more – your heart is worth the wait.
.-= Kelly Langner Sauer´s last blog ..“playing toward God” =-.
Beautiful. You never found out what happened to him after your parents split up? Where he went?
Congrats on your 1st blog birthday! Already subscribe. : )
.-= Jenn Calling Home´s last blog ..A Doctor’s Office Script =-.
Hey, Bonnie! Haven’t seen you in ages. Great post. Congratulations on your first blog birthday! Blessings to you!
.-= Lynn Mosher´s last blog ..Do You Know Your Calling =-.
Thanks, Lynn!
I already subscribe! (jenniferajanes@gmail.com)
Wow! I don’t really know what to say. I guess the word that comes to my mind is bittersweet. Your post perfectly blends the happy and the sad. I teared up at “Cherished.” What little girl doesn’t want to feel that way? You chose the perfect blogiversary gift to give away! That necklace says it all!
I Facebooked it!
I Tweeted it!
Beautiful story, Bonnie. I can’t wait to read about the rest of your journey. Blessings!
.-= Jenn Calling Home´s last blog ..A Doctor’s Office Script =-.
Thanks, Jenn — Blessings right back!
Hi Bonnie! I’m a subscriber already. I can’t believe you’ve been blogging for a year — seems like much longer.
.-= Joy´s last blog ..Letter to a Grieving Parent =-.
What a sweet memory of your grandfather. I have a few of each of my grandfathers… well, maybe one or two each. We didn’t live near them, so we only visited a few times.
I like the idea of rewriting history. I look forward to seeing what God shows you in this visit.
.-= Joy´s last blog ..Letter to a Grieving Parent =-.
They’re special memories, esp. now as an adult, don’t you think?
I sent a tweet about this giveaway.
Have a wonderful weekend, Bonnie.
.-= Joy´s last blog ..Letter to a Grieving Parent =-.
History is what we create every day. I am so glad I have just found your blog and have just subscribed xx
.-= Sara´s last blog ..Today my daughter should have left primary school =-.
Have just twittered as well @livvyssmile xx
I’m a subscriber
.-= Gina´s last blog ..Friday Freebies =-.
Subscribed! I love this post~
I already am a subscriber and am so encouraged and inspired by what you share Bonnie. Thank you.
Also have Facebooked. Love the whole revisiting the past with your Grandfather Bonnie. The warmth you felt when you remembered triggered off a memory of my Dad who died nine years ago and just recently I was blessed “out of the blue” by someone who was a very good friend of his ( a priest in fact ) Each year my mother has an anniversary Mass said for him. I have been very “self righteous” and have not gone to these as I don’t believe that dad needs our prayers now. But I had a very strong sense that I was meant to go this year ( for my mother’s sake) The service was in Polish (which I understand ) but still there was no joy. I sat through it and prayed for my family and whoever was put on my heart. It was during this time that I was given a picture of my dad’s beautiful and loving smile. I was filled with warmth too. After the service we went to see the priest. My mother and three brothers. I never felt that I belonged in my family as girls were never as important as boys. Well the next blessing was a huge surprise. The priest ( in front of my mother and brothers ) proceeded to tell me how much my father loved me and how fondly he spoke of me. He told me to remember that I was a “pearl” in my dad’s eyes ! I drove home with a big smile on my face and shed a few tears as well!!
I’ve since thought if I didn’t go to the service as prompted ( kind of revisiting my past beliefs) I would never have experienced such a blessing from the Lord.
I pray that my little story encourages you and also someone out there that may have needed to read it.
Thank you again for your beautiful insights and what you share of yourself.
Barbara, this is an incredibly moving experience to share with all of us here. Thank you for adding to the post and encouraging me and every one who visits here.
Thanks Bonnie. Once again it was something I felt I was meant to share. Enjoy your weekend.