Rewriting History — Going Off Script
FAITH BARISTA BLOG'S 1st BIRTHDAY IS HERE !
** GOD'S HEART NECKLACE GIVEAWAY **
To celebrate, I'm giving away Dayspring's "God's Heart For You" Necklace
This beautiful silver sterling necklace features a pendant
with the engraved words: created, chosen, celebrated, and cherished.
Enter the God's Heart Necklace Giveway At The End Of Today's Post !
I couldn’t tell you the name of the streets I walked as a child.
Don’t need to. I can describe the Tetris-like enclave of broken curbs, windowless doorways, souvenir shops and Hunan, Szechuan, and what-not restaurants, like the profile of my first puppy love.
Many of the buildings showcase new paint jobs, but one characteristic doesn’t fade.
History.
Filling In The Blanks
The Chinese Hospital, my first destination of the day, was built in 1925. It was built to replace the Tung Wah Dispensary, after it was destroyed by the 1906 San Francisco Earthquake. The San Francisco Chinese Hospital is the first and only Chinese hospital in America.
I was in a hurry to find that hospital. I needed to see it.
Like that hospital, I have history here. I was first spotted on this planet in that building. Bits and parts of me have been destroyed by shakes and levelings too, but not the kind that registers on a Richter scale.
I don’t know what I’d find by going there. But, it was important to me to stand in the doorway of where my story began.
It is time to rebuild.
I needed to see as much as I could of the past. I prayed to look back on it with new eyes.
A part of me has always believed, The past already happened. Why go back?
This time, God prompted me to imagine differently. You’ve missed seeing me in it. Let me fill in the blanks.
God, tell me what I need to know.
Maybe I sound like some crystal-seeking hippie, driving in a beat up Jeep through the deserts to Sedona, but I seriously believed God had something special for me — in those first moments of seeing my birthplace.
I had no idea what thoughts or emotions would define this journey for me. But, I knew it would be something that had been missing.
Rewriting History
As I ambled out of the Portsmouth Square Parking Garage, I re-oriented myself up the hill.
If you ever go there, you’ll be walking the same streets I took that day. The narrow alleys are still there. Always will be.
Walk one block up the hill. You’ll be standing at a very important street corner, under a pagoda shaped stoplight. Voila. You’ve placed yourself smack dab on Grant, the “Main Street” of San Francisco Chinatown.
Glance over your left shoulder and you’ll see your reflection against the window into one of my fondest childhood memories.
The Candy Store
You can’t miss it. The green, black and orange tiles that decorate the walls are still loud and brassy.
The shop sells souvenir junk there now. It didn’t matter. This will always be my candy store.
There’s a lot of bad press on candy for kids nowadays. Too much sugar fries the brain. Offer a kid candy, and you’d think I was offering him a cigarette.
Seriously. Every kid lives for candy, don’t they? Me, I loved that stuff. I loved crunching on it, chewing it, and lodging it in the side of my mouth until half my tongue turned grape-purple.
Whenever I got my chance to buy candy, it was always a toss up between a lollipop or a roll of Life Savers. The Life Savers usually won out.
I figured Life Savers last the longest, because there are so many flavors and they take a long time to melt.
As I reminisced, a memory I’d almost forgotten surfaced.
One of my fondest memories of candy — that I didn’t dare admit — wasn’t from the candy store.
It was candy given to me by Yeh-Yeh. My father’s dad.
Just For Me
I can’t remember what his voice sounds like. Can’t recall the words he spoke.
I remember his smile.
He did with his eyes, in a way that always ended in a laugh. Like he had something really awesome hidden in the hand behind his back.
I didn’t get to see him that often. He was sick, I think. Always in his room.
Sometimes, he’d call out to me.
“Baaawwwnnneee!” His bedroom door would creak open and I’d know to go in.
He’d hug me like I’d imagine a bear would pull in a jar of honey, pressing me into his soft, flannel buttoned shirt. He’d plant a wet kiss on my cheek and I’d feel his scruffy whiskers. His hair was never combed, but it just made him look funny all the time. The good kind of funny.
After the hug and kiss, he’d pull out a lollipop, just for me.
He’d tug the plastic wrapper off real easy. I’d pop it in my mouth, just the same.
He’d laugh and so would I. I’d leave his room just as quickly.
I never did see him after my parents split up.
Alive
I was surprised at how crisp and full that memory came alive as I stood there — a grown up Bonnie, all five feet of me. It didn’t matter that the moments were fleeting or few.
I felt a streak of joy and warmth.
I recognized this feeling. I didn’t understand it as a girl not-yet-three, but I know the word for it now.
Cherished.
As I stood there, staring at the plastic toys stacked up against the store window, I realized something.
History can be rewritten. God can fill in the blanks.
… I didn’t expect the past to look different.
… I didn’t know how to rebuild.
I turned to wait at the stoplight again. The walk sign flashed on. I stepped out to cross the street and make my way towards Jackson Street. The morning sunlight peeked through the silhouette of the buildings. The city was coming alive. So was I…
To Be Continued…
~~~~~
What happens next on my journey?
Tune in next time, as I continue the story — “Going Off Script”.
Subscribe Now and get my story directly sent to your email inbox.
If you want to start at the beginning, read the earlier installments and click here.
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** GOD’S HEART NECKLACE GIVEAWAY **
Faith Barista Blog’s 1st Birthday is Monday 7/26/10!
To say THANK YOU to the Faith Barista readers, I’m giving away Dayspring’s “God’s Heart For You” Necklace to ONE reader who will be randomly selected.
ENTER TO WIN:
1. BY MONDAY 7/26/10 – Midnight:
Click Here To Subscribe to Faith Barista & Comment Letting Me Know You Subscribed
(* If you already subscribe, just share a comment.)
EXTRA ENTRIES:
2. Share your thoughts about today’s post. Comment and you’re entered – again!
3. Go on Twitter and send the tweet below out to your peeps. Comment again to let me know you’ve tweeted.
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4. Share this post on Facebook. Click the Share icon below. Comment that you’ve Facebooked.
** The WINNER randomly selected by an online random generator is:
Amy who said, “I subscribe and love reading your thoughts!”.
Thanks to everyone for taking the time to enter, subscribe and drop a comment! What a celebration!
Thank you, friends, for making this year my cherished memory of sharing stories, faith and prayer. You’ve inspired me to experience God’s encouragement.
Time is a precious commodity. So is heart. I’m grateful to you for sharing both with me as you read, comment or email. I’m amazed by God’s grace through you!
Faith. It takes us off script.
Going Off Script are a collection of scenes from my story, interspersed along with my regular brews. I'm telling it fresh, for the first time, as I take the journey to remember. Be sure to stay tuned in for my next Going Off Script post, as I continue my story. SUBSCRIBE NOW to get the next post in these series and more from FaithBarista hot and fresh directly in your mailbox via email (click here) or RSS (click here) news reader.
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Oh Bonnie, I felt like I was walking alongside of you as you journeyed back to the past. I’ve been to San Francisco many times and have walked the streets of Chinatown. But it was different walking in your shoes.
You truly have a gift for writing. I’ve mentioned this to you before but it’s worth repeating. I pray that you will write a book because I for one will read it.
Love and hugs,
Debbie
.-= Debbie´s last blog ..Finding Freedom =-.
I already have your blog on my iGoogle Home Page but I also now subscribed by email so I won’t miss any of your posts.
.-= Debbie´s last blog ..Finding Freedom =-.
I tweeted about the giveaway.
.-= Debbie´s last blog ..Finding Freedom =-.
I shared it on Facebook!
.-= Debbie´s last blog ..Finding Freedom =-.
I just subscribed to your blog, thanks!
Thanks for sharing Bonnie, it’s so neat to read your memory of your grandfather. I did not have such relationship with my grandfather. So it’s neat to be able to read your sweet memories. We only have 1 boy and hope that one day he could share his memories of his sweet relationship with his grandfathers (& grandmothers).
Happy birthday to you!
I love this idea of God filling in the blanks so you can see what He did. I’ve looked back on things like that and seen Him, even when I didn’t see Him the first time. I’ve never thought of it as fill-in-the-blank, but that’s exactly what it is.
You’ve been in my Google reader for a while now – wouldn’t want to miss anything from you! =)
.-= Rachel @ the science of music´s last blog ..Pink =-.
Thank you for reminding me that something can be gained by “going back”, whether it’s actually physically going back, or just remembering history. God was there in history, He will fill in the blanks, and reveal His presence in even our most painful history if we let Him.
Be blessed with His presence as you continue your journey.
.-= call2write´s last blog ..A Vacation To Dream About =-.
Oh, Bonnie. These posts are so good. I’m catching up. I’ve been on a similar heart journey. I never had to travel far physically, but emotionally it was quite the trip. I’m praying you through this, blessing this seeking. It is such a beautiful thing.
.-= Laura´s last blog ..Dream Girl =-.
Happy 1st Anniversary! I already subcribe and so enjoy this series you are doing.
Thank you for sharing your story with us. It is so awesome when God redeems our past and brings clarity. Blessings to you Bonnie!
I shared on facebook!
.-= Debbie G.´s last blog ..Bliss is a giveaway! =-.
Hi Bonnie, I came across your entry Overcoming Worry on DaySpring Devotions (i’m kind of a worry-wart myself) and took comfort in your sharing ;P then i clicked on to (In)Courage to read Never Been Kissed… just wanna let you know i really enjoyed those entries and thanks for sharing your faith insights through your blog and for being an encourager!
Happy 1st Birthday to Faith Barista : )
Cheers,
debee
Singapore
Just shared Faith Barista link on my FB profile! : )) debee
Just added your blog’s link to my Facebook profile! : ) debee
Hi there! I’ve subscribed to your blog!
.-= Meg´s last blog ..Fall TV Preview- No Ordinary Family =-.
Like so many have already said, I love your idea of allowing God to fill in the blanks. What’s always interested me is that our God finds ways to use each and every one of us…as different as we are. We all have stories to tell…some are filled with pages that we’d rather rip out and forget. But the Lord uses them in His own ways and uses those things to shape us and to allow us to help others who have been through similar experiences. Praying for you as God fills in those blanks for you.
.-= Meg´s last blog ..Fall TV Preview- No Ordinary Family =-.
I shared this on Facebook!
.-= Meg´s last blog ..Fall TV Preview- No Ordinary Family =-.
Happy blog birthday! I already subscribe. My husband is always telling me I need to write a book. He thinks me sharing my experience and what God has taught me, brought me through will help others. I openly share with others. I have seen many things happen that did not seem good at the time, that God meant for good. Thanks for sharing today. Jackie
.-= Jackie´s last blog ..Total Yummy Goodness!! =-.
I love your blogs. They have spoken to me on so many issues I am experiencing. The journey to find my birth mother, and only meeting obstacles and disappointment is something I can get discouraged about. Seeing how God has helped you walk through your journey gives me much strength and encouragement.
Good afternoon! I’m already a subscriber and love your blog/writing. If I win this necklace I’m going to give it to a dear friend who has been such a help to us lately
She is cherished and loved and we’d like to celebrate her!!!
Thanks!
Dear Bonnie,
Thanks alot for sharing your thoughts with us and I’m so glad that God led you to open up a site like this one which is great and serves hot shots of baristas which are encouraging , though I’ve stepped in only once as I subscribed just yesterday.
May God Bless you and all your c0-workers!
You are chosen and blessed in Christ alone,
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Happy Birthday! I only recently discovered your blog, but caught up in no time! Thank you for sharing your heart…you are truly an inspiration!
Hi! It’s been awhile since I have had time to sit and read the blogs I enjoy most. Life has been a little crazy to say the least. However, I did want to say congrats on your First year Anniversary!! I do think I am too late to be entered in the drawing but that’s OK…I will keep reading….and I LOVED today’s post!
What a beautiful memory to share about your grandfather, and what a gift from a loving Heavenly Father.
.-= Kristine McGuire´s last blog ..Heads in the Sand =-.
If I win this necklace I will wear it proudly.
I just read the following article and cried while reading it. I am 72 years old and I believe the Lord wants me to write my story. I’ve started it, but that’s all. The truth is I am ashamed because I’m not writing and yet I’m not writing. I don’t what to do at this point. Thanks for reading this. Darlene
I remember one of my grandfathers vaguely–my father’s father. He died when I was very small. I remember a quiet man in a straw hat and thick white mustache. He would take me to feed chickens and collect eggs from the coop. They said I comforted my grandmother when he died by telling her “Don’t be sad…Gandy won’t be old anymore.” Even in that serious moment, I can imagine that comment would bring a smile to an old face. I’ve driven by the house I lived in when I was a tiny child. The square, white house with the covered front porch looks small, but I remember playing on the cement porch and in the backyard. I remember the pansies my Mom and I would plant by the boxwoods in the spring. In the tough times when I felt alone, I can now see that God was there. Where else would I have gotten the strong reserve to pull away from the destruction that nibbled away at my family? And the sadness that still comes now and then evaporates in the daily meditation which gives me strength and courage. Going back to visit childhood places can give you another perspective. The memories add to he fabric of your life–the light and the dark. If there was all light, there wouldn’t be much depth, would there? I read somewhere in John that God shows himself in the infirmities of life. Jesus healed the blind and the sick and He still heals us today. His love sweeps across the broken and buised places with His loving touch they are made whole again. All I need to do is trust and let go of the pain. In dark moments, I’ve felt Him fill the darkness with a special warm light. I’ll never really ‘understand’ this, but I know healing occurs.
Thanks for continuing to share your story. It is rich and precious. I remember a candy store also with all sorts of penny candy. Ummmm….I wish I could find those mint juleps again. Their spearmint taste was sooooo good.
God bless!