Forgiveness Doesn’t Come From A Vending Machine
“Where you are most human, most yourself, weakest, there Jesus lives.” ~ Henri Nouwen.
A couple months ago, I found myself scrunched elbow to elbow at San Francisco’s hallowed grounds for fresh baked croissants at Tartine Bakery.
It’s the one place I’ve found that has brought me back to France, if just for a momentary bite. I enjoy it hot right out of the oven — balancing my pastry while standing up against a counter, one coffee cup away from a twenty-something couple out on a first date.
I noticed the cool T-shirt the guy was wearing (my husband was next to me) and I asked if I could take a picture of it.
It was an artistic statement about love.
A guy put some coins into a vending machine for his heart, but couldn’t get to what he wanted. His heart, like a Snicker’s Bar stuck in the twirly thingamajig, hung in the balance.
Learning to forgive has felt the same.
Motivated by a honest desire to obey Scriptures that point to forgiveness, my efforts to forgive others who have hurt me deeply — and myself — fell short of reach.
What I needed was not inflicting more self-guilt or denial.
What I needed was faith.
Truth Be Told
I made the mistake thinking forgiveness was a one time act of conviction.
If I forgave, I wouldn’t be angry any more…
– I wouldn’t be so hurt…
– I would be more brave…
Truth be told, all I really wanted was to forget.
What I really wanted was a vending machine called Forgiveness.
The forgiveness God offers in return is more like love.
Forgiveness begins with an awareness of my need to be free from pain and hurt. But it doesn’t stop there.
Forgiveness challenges us to let go and become the Beloved in God’s eyes, rather than the victim of others and ourselves.
Forgiveness begins, continues daily until we get to heaven, running on one fuel: faith.
Forgiveness is all about faith.
Why Forgiveness Takes Faith
After taking some new steps as the Beloved last week, giving myself permission to be loved, I wasn’t surprised to came face to face with some old wounds that suddenly opened fresh.
My first reaction was to beat myself up for falling into the same old trap. Then, I remembered God’s grace.
I realized the feelings overwhelming me were just my humanity.
And Jesus was right there next to me, comfortable and at ease with my frailty. Loving me.
It’s amazing how love can release a girl to have a good cry. I talked to my Hubby and called up a girlfriend.
Then, I flipped through some Scriptures that gave my soul some comfort food.
Here are a few:
1. If you’re struggling to forgive yourself: Take steps that reflect your choice to believe that you are forgiven by God (despite what others or you might think).
“So that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins “-then He said to the paralytic, “Get up, pick up your bed and go home.” Matt. 9:6
2. If you’re struggling to forgive others: Remember this is hard stuff, but Jesus said even faith as small as a mustard seed has enough to get you through this journey.
(After Jesus told them forgiveness needs to happen seven times seven times a day…)
“The apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith !”
And the Lord said, “If you had faith like a mustard seed, you would say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and be planted in the sea ‘; and it would obey you.” Luke 17:5-7
3. If you thought you forgave, but feel guilty you still struggle with anger or hurt feelings: God sees our hearts and His grace looks at our need greater than our performance. Grieving continues after we have chosen to forgive. The person who still grieves is the person we once were, hurt and angry. No matter. God is still making us new.
“Even so consider yourselves to be dead to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus… For sin shall not be master over you, for you are not under law but under grace.” Romans 6:11,14
To practice forgiveness the way Jesus calls us to, we are inviting God to enter into our pain — a place of faith.
Forgiveness, after all, was never meant to be robotic.
That’s why God gives us grace.
What have you found in your journey to forgive?
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*NEW FOR MARCH!* Today’s the wrap up in for February’s Faith Jam series — Unwrapping Love. I’m starting a new series on “Rest”. Check out the details below and weigh in with your voice.
*** NOW, IT’S YOUR TURN — FAITH BARISTA JAM! ***
Faith Barista Jam Thursdays – I serve up a topic of faith, you write the post. Let’s encourage each other. Add your voice. Swap our stories.
This Thursday’s Topic 2/24:
Forgiveness
Two of our Faith Jam bloggers chose Forgiveness as their One Word for 2011: Leanna@SingleRevelations and SouthWest Arkie@ColoringOutsidetheLines.
Share your post by clicking on the blue button below “Add Your Link” or just comment directly.
Next Thursday’s Topic 3/3:
Rest
One of our Faith Jam bloggers chose Rest as her One Word for 2011: Katie Randolf.
Approach it any way you feel inspired! Only required ingredient: keep it real. Thanks for serving your personal brews!
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shadowwonder on What’s Your One Word for 2012? A Faith Dare
Titi on Pregnant With a Promise: Why You Can’t Turn Back
Leslie Mardenborough on { Unwrapping Love } Why Joy is Soul Baring
Ginge on { Unwrapping Love } Why Joy is Soul Baring
tanya @ truthinweakness on { Unwrapping Love } Why Joy is Soul Baring
The most important lesson I’ve ever learned about forgiveness is that it doesn’t start with ‘them’ asking to be forgiven.
It first starts with me letting go of the hurt wrapped up in the strangle-cords of bitterness.
Only after I take my focus off of the manner in which I was wronged can I allow God’s provisional grace to flood in, soothe my wounds, and heal my soul.
Whether the other person ever wants to be forgiven is immaterial to the process that must take place within me.
Peace,
~Beth
Wise words you’ve added here, Beth. Thank you!
awesome post, bonnie. honest. positive. i’m not linking up this week – i’m way off topic!
Thanks, Kendal!
I have found love on my journey to forgiveness: love God, love of self, love of others. I have found to truly forgive, “I” can’t do it on my own, in my own power, only God can truly forgive through me…. my post today deals with this more.
Your post was a tear-jerker today, Katie. The good kind. Thank you for sharing.
Along my journey the past 3 years I have found a lot that I need to forgive in myself and also in others. 2010 was a year of huge healing for me! I knew I had been holding onto a lot of anger, resentment, bitterness, fear etc. My friend at church that has counseled me these past 3 years talked to me alot about forgiveness and grace. How could I not forgive myself and others when God forgave me completely? This past summer I did something I had not done since my relationship with my mother was severed 10 years ago. I wrote her a letter, not asking her forgiveness but telling my feelings and that I was moving on and letting it go. It belonged to God not me. I was secretly hoping for a response from her, I wanted to know she did in fact love me since I felt my whole life I wasnt. I didnt get a response. Nothing. I then had to begin to forgive myself for holding onto this all, the anger etc. I had to forgive God even for putting me in the family he chose for me. All the while my friend kept reminding me, God forgave me completely, its time I did the same. Forgiveness is HARD! One night I had spent with God alone in my house with a fire burning in the fireplace, I did. I accepted it all. I cried, I wrote, I prayed, I cried some more. I let it all go as I placed the original 6 page letter to my mom in the fireplace one page at a time. As each page lit and burned almost instantly I had the visual that as I handed each page to God he instantly took it away from me and is now carrying it on his shoulders. I dont have to any longer. I still struggle with forgiveness each day, some more than others. I still say “if I’d only done….” instead of ‘that’ but it wont change history. I can only move forward and remember the pages burning in the fireplace, thinking that God took it from me, its gone. Forgiveness is also GOOD!
lisa
Lisa, it was heart-breaking to read your experience with forgiveness. It just shows how powerful and supernatural God’s love is — to draw you to trust God enough to forgive. What a beautiful story of the reality of forgiveness and God’s love. Thank you, Lisa for placing such moving tribute to God’s faithfulness in your life.
You’re right, Bonnie, forgiveness really is all about faith. It takes faith to offer it and faith to receive it. Thanking God for grace!
forgiving myself is so so hard. i want to keep bringing it up and dwelling on it instead of truly trusting and accepting and believing that He has forgiven me and there’s nothing else I need to do or can do to make it right and even in that…that He’s not sitting around just waiting to punish me or withhold blessings because of what I have done.
“Forgiveness challenges us to let go and become the Beloved in God’s eyes, rather than the victim of others and ourselves.”
I am going to be thinking on this one today…
It really hit me during a series of messages at church what I do with my forgiveness. I hoard it. Just like any other stuff or junk in our lives we hang on to it. It’s all about letting go. Giving it up. It’s a journey, but when God’s light is shed on it, it’s easier to see the way.
“Forgiveness is all about faith.” This is so true – until we truly understand how much God has forgiven us, we will always struggle to forgive others.
Forgiveness is one of those words I hear so much that I wonder if I know what it really means. When I looked it up (even down to the Greek), I was amazed. I really didn’t know. I had a germ of an idea in my head, but in my heart were I really *know* things…I just didn’t know. I’m starting to think that I don’t really *know* anything at all. Like I should go back to the beginning and start over, which isn’t a bad idea.
Thank you. This post coincides with today’s Bible study topic from “Becoming a Woman of Freedom” by Cynthia Heald-Laying Aside Bitterness, Running with Forgiveness. And, yes, it’s all about grace-grace from God, grace to others, and grace to ourselves. But, it’s all about confidence (faith) because of God’s strength to His beloved. Yes! I am loved, I’m forgiven!
I have to admit that the title of this post really caught my eye – -Forgiveness doesn’t come from a vending machine . . . .and what immediately came to my mind was – -yes, in my case it does . .. my son is in prison – one year ago this month he was arrested for robbing a bank. Sentenced to 20 years. It has been a hard year for me — i love my son with all my heart. The only warning sign I had was that he was depressed. And in the midst of all my sorrow, guilt, fear, questions, mingled with the love was anger, disappointment, confusion. And I needed to forgive, him, me and God (yes, I said I needed to forgive God . . .I was mad at Him, too . . Why didn’t He stop it? Why didn’t He have the judge give a lighter sentence? . . .I am so glad God loves and understands me and forgives me!) . . .Anyway – to vending machines and forgiveness. When we were able to first visit our son in prison (months after the arrest – -for 11 months all we could do was visit through a computer screen — that was how visitation was set up in the jail he was in.) we entered the visitation room and one whole wall is filled with vending machines. These men don’t get “treats” and when they visit with families you can buy them a soda or a candy bar – — and as I sat in this big room – - I finally felt some peace – -I looked around at the other families visiting their loved ones and I saw hugs, smiles, love, FORGIVENESS. That visitation room was a room filled with forgiveness — and the vending machine purchases were evidence of forgiveness and love. There isn’t much we can do for our son – - but when we visit we can offer a tangible piece of love and forgiveness. . .so, yes, sometimes forgiveness can come from a vending machine!
This is an excellent guide on forgiveness. Several years ago, I wrote an article on how forgiveness is a continuous action that we must endure. This really brought me back to there and opened up many more new layers.
Forgiveness isn’t a one time action. We cannot just erase the painful memories in our lives, therefore it would be silly to really think that we can just forgive and forget. No, every time we are reminded about our past hurts, we need to come back to Jesus in prayer.
I love your verses and will be bookmarking this to share with others and myself for future reference. I’m even going to add a link to my own page to this as a more complete guide
Bonnie, I like the idea of God moving into our pain and sharing it with us. It’s certainly quite different than just getting something good, whether it’s forgiveness or something else, from a vending machine. And when we need God to forgive us, he wants to move close. That’s the thing about God that I need to learn anew every week, if not every day.
God wants us to want him, not just the healing and solutions he brings.
Thanks for this encouraging, honest, and thorough post.
I shouldn’t be surprised (again), but I am. God always brings something to light around the time you write on it. I have so much to do today, but recognize now that I have to go and blog on this…forgiveness…and what He is teaching me.
Just yesterday, this came up again, and again, and again…
So I’ll go write…
Love you sister in Christ…thanks for listening to the Holy Spirit, and being obedient to His call…(or his outline, as it may be…)
Oohhh…this hit home. Forgiveness is like a box of ….. tools. You thought I was going to say ‘chocolate’ didn’t you? I wish. It’s so much more complicated than chocolate. Each wound requires a different tool. The complication comes in trying to understand each person’s unique set of circumstances that led them to that place of trying to protect themselves, which causes them to lash out at you.
Complicated…sort of. But I have found the common denominator to be simply reminding yourself that the person who hurt you is hurt themselves. Or maybe they’re angry. Or sick in their thinking. But no matter the cause, no matter the wound….there is God. “Father forgive them, for they don’t know what they do.”
The most recent lesson has to do with the question the Lord asked Jonah—twice. “Do you have a right to be angry?” (Jonah 4:4,9) Rights have to do with power and authority. Who really (and legitimately) holds the power to judge or to forgive? If I don’t see the Lord chastening someone and at the same time I’m ready to give up on them, then I think I have a right to be angry.
It’s not that I don’t know that he’s “a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity” (4:2). I know that as well as Jonah did before he fled in the opposite direction. But if I “cling to worthless idols” like my self-righteousness I “forfeit the grace that could be [mine]” (2:8).
In my experience, forgiveness is a process. It takes more time than you think to process, to pray, and to give it up. We are truly prisoners of those who inflicted harm if we continue to feel angry or fearful. As long as they can successfully impale us with their words they still have control. The process requires patience in itself to pray for that person to intentionally not wish the person ill.
One day you may see them and you won’t feel angry anymore, but you may still feel sorrow on occasion. In my case, like Bonnie, I had to go through the process of forgiveness and grief. Grief over what I never had, but what I wished; forgiveness for the harm done. I think the true test was having to sit in front of them. God has placed them behind me at a wedding. It was a test. I passed. There was no anger, but strength and trust that God would defend me. But there was still a little bit of sorrow and a little bit of fear. It confirmed that I had forgiven them and now I was in the healing process.
I’m afraid that’s a lifetime thing. I live quite happily, but moments come and I say a little prayer for those that I love and hope that they would come to know the great God who came to my rescue and helped me die to self a little bit more.
It’s so funny how we build up these expectations about things. Getting hurt and disillusioned is usually a process and forgiveness is also a process. Healing takes time. God can certainly do it in an instant, but if that doesn’t happen, then we can trust His love and grace to see us through. Great words, Bonnie. Thank you.
Lots to chew on here, especially that forgiveness is not robotic. I keep thinking it’s a lot of work when, in truth, it’s impossible! I guess that’s where the faith comes in. Humanly speaking, we are unable to force ourselves to a place of forgiveness. It has to be a work that God does in us, by His Spirit, through His word. The ones you posted are good ones to come back to, to convince me of the truth of forgiveness even when my heart lags behind.
This is wonderful! So true. I, too, thought that forgiveness is a one time deal and couldn’t understand what in the world I’m doing wrong when the anger and sadness were coming back again and again.
I remember crying out to God, “What is wrong with me? Why can’t I forgive?” But all I wanted really is to forget.
Great thoughts, Bonnie! AS a response to #3 – if you thougtht you forgave but still struggle with anger or hurt: I remind myself that I already forgave for whatever hurt. I remind myself that I gave it to God and he has the control over it. I remind myself that it’s behind me and dwelling on it does no good. Then I repeat until it’s gone. I’ve also found that the anger/hurt pops up unexpectedly and is usually an attack by satan on my faith. When I can stay rational and give it to God again and again, the hurt is much less intense and goes away much faster – and my faith is increased.
I’m linking up this week – it’s been a while! But this week’s topic is near and dear to my heart.
Love, love, love your take on this.
)
It has hints of what is in mine.
This was my fav part though
Even so consider yourselves to be dead to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus… For sin shall not be master over you, for you are not under law but under grace.” Romans 6:11,14
What a great reminder, that we do have grace in all of this as we mess up. Because we will mess up. We just need to move forward after we do, in forgiveness and love through Him who has set us free.
Thanks again Bonnie.
This is my first time here…I think. I LOVE this article! I love your writing style, and your vulnerability with God. Beautiful…
I love this! Lately I’ve been doing a better job of forgiving others instantly and I say the words Jesus proclaimed on the cross, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” When I think of the small offenses against me I realize how trivial they are. However after reading your post I realize that forgiveness doesn’t always come easy and it’s okay to do it over and over. Thanks for sharing this post with us!
I have found freedom in forgiveness. There is so much freedom and joy when asking for forgiveness. It is so much easier to forgive than to ask for it. But when you do ask, that burden of self-righteousness is washed away and so much love comes in your heart. It is amazing!
Hi, Bonnie. I’ll admit, I struggled with this one. (thus the late entry
) Thank you again for hosting such thought provoking discussions. Love to you, lady.
“To practice forgiveness the way Jesus calls us to, we are inviting God to enter into our pain — a place of faith” Amen Faith B. ~ I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. In and of myself forgiving (especially me) is beyond me. But inviting God to enter the pain – then in the presence of the Lord is fulness of joy and the joy of the Lord is my strength. Then… that place like you said becomes a place of faith and yahoo I can do. Thank you!
This is what stuck with me to the end of this post: “And Jesus was right there next to me, comfortable and at ease with my frailty. Loving me.” That is always the hardest thing for me to accept and remember.
Thanks so much for hosting this great prompt this week! I really enjoyed writing one way that God wielded forgiveness in me.
“The forgiveness God offers in return is more like love.” I like this because forgiveness like love is a choice…and as you said, it is not ONE TIME ONLY…it is daily!
Hard to do, but the benefits are SO rewarding!
Just my humanity. I am there. That’s why God gives us grace. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. Thank you for the soul food my sis is CA! ♥
I usually don’t have a hard time forgiving, but this time forgiveness is proving to be a monster. Thanks for sharing. I’ll continue to read the bloggers and pray that I find an open slither of a window and crawl through. I may perhaps be confusing forgiveness with continued hurt feelings. I don’t know. But we’ll see. I pray time will help to take care of it in a Godly way. Don’t want to become bitter but better.
Thank you for this post. Praise God for you writing it! We are all together in this journey of forgiveness and thank goodness, God is with us all the way!
Thanks, Bonnie, for checking out my blog and link about “What to Expect After Forgiving Your Spouse.” It was nice to hear your kind words and to know that you paid some attention to little ol’ me!
I will be back to your site to hear more of what you serve up!
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Typing with a dog on your lap submits comments before one is read for them!
I appreciate what you have to say about believing you’re forgiven and acting on it. Powerful words.