Feed Your Soul :: { Day 5 } When You Can’t Fall Apart (Grace For The Good Girl Book Giveaway)
“‘Weak’ is not a four-letter bad word. Hiding behind a mask of strength and responsibility is a lonely place to live.” ~ Emily P. Freeman in Grace For The Good Girl
I think I was born a good girl.
Some might say it’s because I was the oldest child in a single parent family. I can’t say I’d disagree.
There comes a time we fall into the hands of an imperfect life on this side of heaven. Everyone has different ways of dealing with fear and rejection.
Me, I chose to be a good girl. I was the strong one. I was the responsible one. Taking care of everyone around me.
I did it, not to be a martyr.
I just wanted to feel safe. I didn’t want anything bad to happen.
But, we can’t always be happy and function without need.
We all –
– fall down.
— break.
– taste loneliness.
And that’s when I would tell myself, I can’t fall apart.
What Was Missing
What was missing in my vocabulary wasn’t the word grace.
I held onto it for dear life. It was the one word that kept me safe in God’s hands.
But, I didn’t understand grace beyond safety.
And so, I managed life, managed myself, and hid my emotions.
When you don’t allow yourself to fall apart, something slowly happens. Your heart becomes sensitized to your inadequacies and the fear of people not liking you.
You stop taking risks. Your world becomes smaller and dreams become a distant memory.
If you’re at a place where you are feeling that fear of falling apart — I am reaching out to let you know what my friend and author Emily tells me –
There is grace for us good girls.
Grace The Good Girl
My friend, Emily Freeman of Chatting At The Sky, has authored a book that has just released called “Grace For the Good Girl: Letting Go of the Try-Hard Life”.
Emily’s book is bold and beautiful.
Emily talks about things you don’t usually hear good girls openly share: hiding, fears, loneliness, anxiety, worry, and emptiness.
Emily does this because she’s savored grace for her soul that has comes from truth-spilling beauty out of brokenness and joy blooming out of struggles.
“I believe women need to talk about the ways we hide, the longing to be known, the fear in the knowing.
Beyond that, I believe in the life-giving power of story, in the beauty of vulnerability, and in the strength that is found in weakness.” ~ Emily Freeman in Grace for the Good Girl
Emily and I - hearts happy having savored time together, swapping stories of grace.
Every chapter unfolds a new way to come out of hiding and Emily does it by sharing her story, along with the stories of women close to her.
This is a book that will open deep conversations with girlfriends you’ve known well and bond you with the new ones you’ve just met.
Let me end our coffee time today by sharing a quote from the chapter that brought me a soul-filling reminder.
Emily’s words from chapter seven “Can’t Fall Apart”:
“As a good girl, I have a hard time… especially if it means I don’t have it all together. The truth is, admitting weakness is the very doorway the Lord uses to lead the tired good girl to a place of rest.”
We don’t have to have. it. all. together.
We can fall apart.
Jesus welcome us in that very moment — to come and fall apart in Him.
Then Jesus said,
“Come to me,
all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens,
and I will give you rest.”
Matthew 11:28
~~~~~
Are you a longing to be known?
How is God calling you to come out of hiding?
Pull up a chair. I love company and enjoy hearing your thoughts. Click to share a comment.
~~~~~
Visit Emily
Her Blog: Chatting At The Sky
Her Book: Emily’s book Grace For Good Girls is available now on Amazon.
Online: Via Facebook or Twitter.
Emily and her sister Nester inspired a community of 31 Day blog series out here in the blogosphere! Join Emily in her series – 31 Days to Change The World.
Emily Freeman and her husband live with their twin girls and son in North Carolina.
~~~~~
** Grace For The Good Girl Book Giveaway **
Today, Emily’s publisher, Baker Publishing Group, has graciously offered to giveaway the a copy of Grace For the Good Girl to TWO WINNERS randomly selected here at Faith Barista (yay!).
To Enter:
1. Share a comment or blog post by Midnight Wed 10/12/11.
For Extra Entries:
2. Subscribe to Faith Barista and leave an extra comment letting me know.
3. Share this post on Facebook or Twitter (Click the “Share/Save” button below) and leave extra comments letting me know.
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** Don’t miss! ** If you are new to Faith Barista, I’d like to invite you to join me on my journey this month — 31 Days to Feed Your Soul. Click to subscribe by email and get each post in this series served up hot and fresh directly in your mailbox.
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To catch up and read the earlier posts in this series –
{ Day 1 } :: Hunger
{ Day 2 } :: Dare To Sleep
{ Day 3 } :: True Escape
{ Day 4 } :: Stop & Enjoy
Layla on Why I’ve Been Away & Why I Must Write Today
Carol Morris on The Heart That Says Yes
Marcy on Why I’ve Been Away & Why I Must Write Today
Dileep on Looking For My Real Father
Stephanie on Why I’ve Been Away & Why I Must Write Today
This looks like a great book. Way to go Emily!
I am already a subscriber of Faith Barista. I love your Blog and I’m loving the 31 days!
Love this book. Have it on kindle and would love to win a copy to give my daughters. Great insights and honesty that hit right to the heart.
I am reading this wonderful book now and learning so much from it! I am so glad for the things I am learning now from this book (it is never too late!).
Favorite concept so far: is we can record events that happen to us but interpret them in ways that are damaging to our soul (What Emily calls the ‘good recorder/bad interpretor’)
Helen
I think that is so important that we allow ourselves to fall apart. When we open ourselves up and quit hiding behind the mask of “fine” we are truly able to receive the grace that God has placed all around us. I hate to think of the opportunities and blessings I have missed by saying I was “fine” when I was anything but that.
I am really enjoying your 31 days to feed your soul. I can identify with being a good girl too, first born etc. and want to read that book. Thank you for the giveaway. I am already a folllower!
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I already subscribe to and LOVE Faith Barista, it goes down smooth in the morning with my coffee before work. I don’t like to start the day without it!
God IS calling me to come out of hiding. And I seem to be a slow crawler. Hiding has been my best and most effective weapon since childhood, and I learned the art of hiding and of being invisible a little too well. He is so generous and gentle and good, to not leave me where I think it’s safe. It’s pretty dark, to look back and see where I came from…and equally bright and beautiful to look up and see where He is taking me. This is all pretty scary, but I am not letting go of His hand. Not this time….
I shared your post on Facebook!
I’d love to read this! Looks so helpful!
I’m already subscribed to your blog – it’s a breath of fresh air for each new day.:)
Bonnie,
I’m enjoying this Feeding the Soul series so much. Thank you for giving me food for thought and brightening my day! – I’ve shared several of the previous blogs with friends.
I liked your Facebook page and posted a link to your blog on my wall inviting my friends to stop by and feed their souls.
I am a Good Girl who desperately needs to accept Gods Grace…would love to win this book.
Faith Barista subscriber
Bonnie, your words speak me, “I just wanted to feel safe. I didn’t want anything bad to happen.” That’s it! I have no memory of conscious choice of this role, but it became mine at an early age, and clings tighter still.
I see I need to read Emily’s book.
I am a subscriber, Bonnie.
Morning Bonnie! I’m so blessed to have stumbled upon this entry on my Twitter timeline; and I’ve been sure to share this entry.
Truly, I have had a lifetime of being “the good girl.” I pride myself on my nearly impossible perfectionism, and sadly do not allow myself to rely on the grace of God. I’ve often viewed my perfectionism as the only true way to honor a God who I often perceive as demanding instead of loving. What a distortion?
I pray that some day soon I can fully understand and appreciate the love of God. I recognize that I’m not “doing it myself,” but it’s hard to change lifelong behaviors.
Thank you for your post!
This book sounds so inspiring. I am exhausted trying to have it “all” together and be responsible for the happiness of those around me. Life is making me exhausted and feeling much older than my years. Can’t wait to read this new book. I have already subscribed to faith barista and love it!
EVERY word you (and Emily) have written in this post resonates with me. I feel as if the Lord is now calling me out of hiding and into His amazing truth and grace. For real!!! I would love to read Emily’s book. I glean so much from her writings on her blog. Thanks for the opportunity to win!!
I think I did miss out on the concept of grace as a child. I definitely felt loved by both my family and by God, but it wasn’t based on grace, per se. (As I remember as a child anyway!).
It took adulthood for me to discover grace. I’ve been delighted ever since, even though it’s still hard for me to believe sometimes. Is it too good to be true? No! Thank God.
Lisa notes…´s last [type] ..What if you’re still hungry?
I love what you said here: “When you don’t allow yourself to fall apart, something slowly happens. Your heart becomes sensitized to your inadequacies and the fear of people not liking you.”
You’re so right, and Emily’s book is so important for many of us. I so much appreciated walking alongside her through her book writing journey on Grace.
(I’m now officially a subscriber of your blog instead of just popping by every now and then…and I also shared on facebook.) We have a “no buy” policy with books right now in our household, and so it’d be just wonderful to win a copy…I promise I’d pass it along to a friend!
“I believe women need to talk about the ways we hide, the longing to be known, the fear in the knowing. Beyond that, I believe in the life-giving power of story, in the beauty of vulnerability, and in the strength that is found in weakness.” ~ Emily Freeman in Grace for the Good Girl
—It scares me so bad! In grace, I’m coming to Him asking Him to pry my hands from the reigns of “control”.
Jennifer´s last [type] ..Tuesday Happenings
Sounds like an awesome book. I’d love to win a copy. Bonnie, this series you’re writing has been so encouraging. Thanks!
Grace is so often confused with mercy. Or as just a lifeline as you allude to, Bonnie. It is so difficult to understand because this concept is part of the mystery of God Himself. I’m not sure humans can fully “get” it, but we can accept the fullness of what it means for us: release from judgment and condemnation, being free to make mistakes and take risks, the freedom to fully embrace our sufferings as opportunities to become more Christlike and reflect the glory of God, salvation despite our failings!
Continue serving up food for our souls! We’re not full yet!
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Already a subscriber and enjoying the aroma!
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Gladly shared on Facebook!
Julie Sunne´s last [type] ..Album of Life
This looks like an interesting book. I am technically the middle child, but am more so the oldest as my older sibling moved out when I was 10. I am by no means a good girl int eh sense that I have screwed up quite a few times, however, I am the good girl in the sense that I have always wanted to be liked and to please others and I spent most of my life hiding my feelings and emotions and always feel like I can’t fall apart because I’m too busy, too much to do, too many people to rely on, etc.
Ah! Thank you for this post! I am totally that tired good girl. God has been working on that area of my life for the past 2 years, and it’s still gruelling. I’m excited for the day I walk in freedom! Right now it’s scary and exhausting. It’s good to know I’m not alone
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Ah, sometimes I think you writers are really just angels with pens, so close are you to my own heart today. I think I need to find this book . . .And I will definitely need to keep following Bonnie and Emily. Thank you.
Hi Faith. I am next to the oldest in a family of 10 so I was used to hearing my Mom and Dad say, you’re the oldest so I had a lot of chores to do because of that. I was a “good” girl as well. I alway excelled in school. I loved it and tried my hardest to get good grades. I was very shy so blushed a lot especially when called upon at school. I have grown out of that, thank goodness. I still try to do my best and I instilled that in my children. I always told them to do their best. That’s all I would expect of them and they are all doing wonderful and are great spouses and wonderful parents. I am divorced and have been for about 4 years. I was married for 33 years to an unbeliever, a mental abuser and a drinker. It was not a pleasant marriage all the time but it was time to move on. I am waiting on the Lord to bring that special someone into my life and I must admit I want to meet him now BUT I must wait on the Lord to bring him to me. I am just finding out who I am and I still am trying to find that out so I wait upon the Lord a lot not patiently at all times but I do try. Anyway, have a great God filled day. Love Chris
I have heard so many good things about this book, and I would love to have the opportunity to read it. Thanks for hosting this giveaway.
My name is Rachel, and I’m a good girl.
Rachel´s last [type] ..31 Days of Joy: Little Joys
Thank you for sharing Bonnie
! I’ve to say that I felt identified with your post, I’m also “the good girl” and most of the time I try to keep everything together so it’s hard for me to fall apart, I don’t like being sad, sick, depressed, is like I just have to get back on track, be happy right away… but I’m learning that even when things don’t go the way I wanted or expected I just have to keep on going, keep on trusting God and His goodness and to received His grace everyday. This Bible verse have been my lifeguard for those times when things don’t go so well, so I quickly think and meditate about it and get to feel His peace: “We are assured and know that [[a]God being a partner in their labor] all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose.” Romans 8:28
I can’t even relate to being a good girl. I was a child in a single parent situation with an angry parent. I hid in my stories and was truly lost and alone. That’s how I felt. If not for my “sister,” a cousin I was close to, I think my life would have gone in a different direction than where I am now.
I’ve always liked Emily’s blog. Very nice. Her photographs are amazing.
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Thanks so much for sharing. I’ve have wanted to read this book since I saw it shared on another blog. It really sounds like it will hit close to home for me, as someone who has grown up with the good girls have it all together mentality.
This looks like an amazing book and I would love to win a copy. I am loving the 31 days to feed your soul journey, thank you thank you for all of the encouragement.
I subscribe to your blog and am a fan on facebook!
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Just shared this post on facebook.
Lannette Ring´s last [type] ..Answered Prayers and New Artwork
So incredibly bang on this morning. Thank you.
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Also, I am a subscriber to your blog
Bekka´s last [type] ..Strike That, Reverse It
I have been wanting to read this book!
Debbie´s last [type] ..He Knows…She Knows
There’s a part of falling apart-a fear of being crushed and tossed away, but there is also the part of finding the peices and rebuilding something stronger and more beautiful in God’s loving and creative hands. Time to be the pieces in God’s hands.
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I already subscribe to your blog.
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I shared your post on FB.
Debbie´s last [type] ..He Knows…She Knows
This is exactly what I needed to read today!
Oh & I already subscribe to Faith Barrista!
I’m enjoying this 31 days to feed your soul! Thanks for doing it. I have enjoyed your blog for a while now and look forward to reading it. I’m definitely a good girl and need God’s grace every day. It is a good reminder that He welcomes us when we fall apart and doesn’t condemn!
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As the eldest of five I’ve always had to be good, patient ,kind. Accepting is the word I think most of when I describe my childhood. Emily’s book seems something I would enjoy, benefit, learn from. Xx
Sara´s last [type] ..My biggest pet peeve is…….
Wow this ‘good girl’ description resonate with me so deeply- all the hiding.. fears.. inadequacies.. thanks Bonnie for your refreshing encouragment!
The first time I saw the book making the rounds, it hit me… I need this book… It’s like it is calling my name! Grace is what gets me by, it is my thread I hold onto.
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I get your daily emails!
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