Emotionally Unglued (Book Giveaway: Lysa Terkeurst’s Unglued)
Reading Lysa's "Unglued" poolside as the boys enjoy summer's end
“I know I need to learn how to gracefully express honest transparency. But sometimes I give in to fear… The more I dance around, the more emotional yuck… it’s exhausting.” ~ Lysa Terkeurst, NYTimes bestselling author in her newly-released book “Unglued”
This past weekend was very tough.
It was time for me to cross my next street.
The street of writing my book.
The last time I looked at my manuscript — writing the belly of my book — I experienced a panic attack from seemingly nowhere.
I’ve done way harder things than string letters into words earlier in my life — growing up strong without a father and putting myself through college, relocating to a foreign country as a missionary to serve at-risk teenagers in the ‘hood (everyone knew someone in a gang (or were in one themselves)), transitioning back to “civilian life” managing high tech product releases without batting an eye, and waking up exhausted every two hours to feed a colicky baby boy for months. I even dared to do it again by having a second baby boy.
I never felt afraid doing any this. At least, I was never aware of feelings of fear.
Until writing words on a page became more than stories being retold. Writing memories led me to a place deep inside, where I have never wanted to journey back, since I’ve grown up.
The very act of speaking from my heart — in print — has brought me back to childhood trauma –
– when I didn’t know what to do as a little girl.
– to memories of feeling trapped between uncertain choices.
– to dilemmas where I felt torn between what I wanted to do and what I had to do.
– when my words didn’t matter anyways, so I didn’t say them any more.
I returned to the places in my life — where I first became unglued.
Unglued
Unglued. That’s how my friend — writer, speaker and Proverbs 31 President – Lysa Terkeurst titled her new book.
And I got a chance to review it this week. Eventhough this book is less than a week new on the market, Lysa’s Unglued been written in her heart years before it’s hit a word on the page.
Unglued is a word that Lysa uses with great vulnerability through every page of her book. She talks about how she gets mad and how she gets sad. She talks about how she’s imperfect, but how she’s making the journey to “imperfect progress”.
Lysa doesn’t let up for 200 pages — her unraveling and God’s putting back together. Lysa calls it God’s chiseling work in her heart, so she can be free to be unstuck from her dark places.
Lysa whispers early in her book “Unglued” –
“Oh God, chisel me.
I don’t want to be locked in my hard places forever…”
You might ask, why would someone want to share about something so personal, with such transparency? I think I know why.
Lysa doesn’t want to leave any part of her heart unexplored by Jesus — even in her raw emotions.
I know because Lysa was one of the circle of friends I confided in early on, when I realized my journey to heal would not be an overnight journey.
I called in her my raw emotions. I confided in her, right in my unglued moment — afraid. Afraid of uncertainty, afraid of not knowing what to do with people who are hurtful towards me.
The words Lysa shared with me were honest, practical and encouraging. It’s Lysa’s way and it’s how she speaks throughout her book to her readers. It’s vulnerability that allows us to open up.
Because when I’m afraid – I stuff.
I am a stuffer.
But God is changing all this. I no longer want to be a stuffer anymore.
Stuffer or Exploder
Lysa talks about two ways she views responses to raw emotions: The Stuffers and The Exploders. Lysa talks about herself as a stuffer –
“I stuff because:
I don’t feel safe enough to confront this person.
I don’t know how to address the issues.
I don’t want to get rejected.
I don’t want to make things worse, so I convince myself I can just let it go…”
As I read these statements, I gained another insight into why I am a stuffer.
Stuffing is actually another way of saying, I hide.
Whenever things got too hard for me, I got through them by avoiding conflict — by hiding my raw emotions.
Keeping the peace is a lot easier than confronting what’s messy.
I stuff because it was survival.
But hiding hurts us inside. It keeps us from dealing with what’s really bothering us.
It keeps our wounded selves separated from Jesus.
Lysa says when we stuff, we avoid asking ourselves the harder question: What Do I Really Want?
What I Really Want
“What do I really want?”
This is a powerful question, that I find uneasy with answering. Because for me, answering this means I’d have to face conflict. Pain. I’d have to change. Relationships would have to change.
So I want to hide instead. Because I’m good at it.
No, Bonnie. You can longer hide.
“But, Jesus… I don’t know how not to… ” I reply.
Write. And you will know. I will protect you.
Just like the agoraphobic who avoids going to the grocery store because that’s where she last had her panic attack. Just like the man who won’t cross a street because that’s where he was last hit by a drunk driver.
Me. I’ve been waiting to be unafraid before I write.
It turns out I have no choice, if I want to write. I must write afraid with Jesus.
This is hard. Not easy.
But, what I want is freedom.
What I want is my full voice.
What I really want is to find Jesus in my unglued.
~~~~~
Are you a stuffer or an exploder?
How do you handle your raw emotions — when you find yourself emotionally unglued?
What do you really want?
Pull up a chair. Click to comment and enter to win a copy of Unglued.
** Enter Unglued Book Giveaway! **
Today’s post is written as one of many in Lysa’s Unglued Book Blog Tour (Click it to read more Unglued stories).
Thanks to Zondervan, I’m giving away copies of Lysa Terkeurst’s book — Unglued — to TWO (2) RANDOMLY SELECTED WINNERS.
To Enter:
1. Share a comment by this Thursday 8/23/12. Winners will be contacted Friday 8/24/12.
For Extra Entries:
2. Subscribe to Faith Barista and leave an extra comment letting me know.
3. Share this post on Facebook or Twitter (Click the “Share/Save” button below) and leave an extra comment letting me know.
Connect with Lysa
To connect with Lysa, continue the conversation with her on her personal blog, Facebook, Twitter, or Pinterest.
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* Full disclosure: The publisher Zondervan provided a review copy of Unglued but did not influence the content of this post.
Sheryl on What I Killed & What I Want To Write Instead
Vikki Sapp on What I Killed & What I Want To Write Instead
Vicky on What I Killed & What I Want To Write Instead
Debbie on What I Killed & What I Want To Write Instead
Katy on What I Killed & What I Want To Write Instead
I am a stuffer…I NEED to read this book
Am I really first to comment? That’s a first! (no pun intended)
Oh, I am a Stuffer BIGTIME! I believe I have stuffed for years and even though I haven’t had a major panic attack I think I have a lot of little triggers that give me mini attacks/breakdowns and cause me to shut down for a few hours until I can “talk myself through it” and “tell myself its OK…its not always b/c of ME….I just need to deal with this”
The book sounds interesting.
Kathy´s last [type] ..13 for the 13th!!
I would call what I did suppress but I like “stuffer” much better because it also describes the emotional eating I would do because I couldn’t “digest” my raw emotions! Sounds like Lisa’s book will help many who decide to read it! My path to recovery has been reading the Bible and finding The comfort of a church and it’s body of believers that soothes my ache to belong! Bless you, Bonnie, for facing your fears and walking through those difficult places!
I can hardly wait to read this book! I have started on this journey and at times, I feel so alone. I know Jesus is always here, He never leaves me or forsakes me! But it is good to find sisters walking the same road.
I love all the daily devotionals I get from Lysa, she is so real to me its like having a twin I never have met… I thought her & I were the only 2 alike then I came across your blog from a sewing site I was on and I starting reading your pages and sure enough there was me all over again, written in your words… God touched my heart on Feb. 24th 2004, and I have never looked back its a painful but awesome travel all at the same time… GOD HAS BLESSED ME SO VERY MUCH THANKS FOR BEING.SO HONEST JUST AS LYSA.HAS!!!!!! IN JESUS’ NAME AMEN !!!!!!
I realized I too am a stuffer. I don’t like conflict so I try and avoid it at all times. But I know realize I must tackle it head on. Thank u god bless.
I am a stuffer. God is definitely dealing with me and I am prepared (at least I think I am!
to become unglued!
Pray for me as God helps me “unstuff.” And I’ll be praying that you bless the world with your writing, despite any fears you may have!
I am definitely a ‘stuffer’… but I know God is changing me… I am becoming aware of the things that trigger my panic attacks… I am thankful for people in my life who care about me and what’s been happening to me and won’t stand by and watch anymore. I am about to ‘embark’ on a new ‘journey’ in healing the wounds of the past… not sure what to expect, but your blogs about this have resonated deep within and have been a confirmation for me to move forward. Thank you, Bonnie for being honest and transparent with your own experience… you have encouraged me in my own walk.
I am a stuffer, but am working on it. Growing up with an Asian mom, I was expected to be perfect. I would LOVE to read this book to see what she says to do!
Thank you for sharing so truthfully – your blog has intersected with my life. I am 60 years old and just now making the emotional journey back to get that little girl that was left in my childhood. It is only possible because Jesus is journeying with me. Your honesty makes the trip a bit easier.
Dear Lysa, Thank you for using this walk with Jesus as an healing opportunity in others lives. Sincerely, Teasie
Good morning,
I am a stuffer. Recently I have gone through something and it hurt so
bad, that I shut down, I wouldn’t speak, I barely ate and I slept a lot.
This situation had me falling deep into a pit, I thank GOD for HIS WORD,
and promises!!
Bonnie you are a blessing to the body, keep up the good fight,
GOD has a plan, your testimony will change lives!! Praying for you!!
In CHRIST love,
Tina
As a fellow stuffer I relate to so much of what you have written. And I’ve been learning to do somethings afraid as well. I wrongly assumed I needed to be without fear to tackle some things but that’s not the case at all.
Wanda´s last [type] ..Finding Hope
I already subscribe to Faithbarista via email.
Wanda´s last [type] ..Finding Hope
I am definitely a stuffer. I just don’t know how to deal with confrontation in a God pleasing way because I let my emotions take over. This is a very scary thing to explore but I like what you said about being afraid WITH Jesus, believing he is and will be right there along side me.
I always enjoy your posts and your transparency.
I’m a stuffer. Recent situations have caused me to see just how much I have stuffed down beneath the surface. It just dawned on me that being a stuffer could be the reason why I occasionally find the need to stuff myself with food. Maybe it’s to find pleasure as I unconsciously stuff down the emotions. But God is good. He allowed me to see this email today, bringing me into wholeness.
I subscribe to Faith Barista!
Sounds like my life. I am 58 years old. I have always sucked everything up for fear of making someone mad. I am so tired of never expressing my own views. I wish I knew how. It just might be too late.
I, too, struggle with “what do I really want?”. For so many years, life was about raising children and tripping over what they wanted. Somewhere in that process, in those years, I lost myself. The kids have been gone for years, and God is helping me to find “the real me” again, to discover my own hopes and dreams and desires. I’ve been surprised by how very difficult this is… it seems easier to just continue to plod through life, one messy step at a time, but God made us to soar, not to plod! I feel like the journey is just beginning, even though we (God and I) have been on it for several years. The good news is that He doesn’t give up on me even if I do… Thank You Jesus!!!
I am a stuffer. A habit formed from childhood. Though I do explode when I’ve stuffed too much and it all needs to come out. When I come emotionally unglued, I usually go to find solitude to get away from people, but sometimes I do explode all over the people I love the most. I also cry — it really helps!
I’m a stuffer…and have some big issues that I need to deal with, but I’m soooooooo afraid! I want to trust Jesus enough to confront the issues, but…I’m scared!
I sometimes thing everything I do is in a state of unglued. I’m stumbling along this road called life. At times I feel so panicked I can hardly breathe
Sara´s last [type] ..A job of the heart
I am definitely a stumbler in life. My boys are all raised and the stumbling has gotten worse. I fly from one thing to another. I need some “good direction”.
Thanks!
I’m a stuffer. Ugh, I don’t want to be, but I’m terrified of NOT stuffing (Confronting). It takes a lot of courage to face our struggles. Like you said, “But, what i want is freedom”. Amen.
Jennifer´s last [type] ..Get Your Attitude of Gratitude on this Monday Morning
I am mostly a stuffer too, though I do explode with some people. I am reading Unglued and loving it. I just finished chapter 10, and I was so struck by Lysa’s thought on friendships. Great stuff!
Mandy´s last [type] ..New Thing
I subscribe:)
Mandy´s last [type] ..New Thing
Yes, I must also confess that I have tended to stuff my emotions. After all, it ‘seemed’ to work all through my childhood. I became that good girl and pleased my parents and didn’t cause any trouble. (except occasionally I faltered)
I pray that the Holy Spirit would search my most inner being and reveal all that’s hidden and needs to come to the surface; nothing left untouched.
I do believe Bonnie that in our vulnerabilities we can touch others. Often people see visible Christians who write or speak and think they have it all together. We are all in this Christian life together. No one is perfect! And we are to encourage one another along the way and love one another. That’s how the world will see the difference Jesus makes in our lives.
I would love to read Lysa’s new book!
Blessings and love,
Debbie
Debbie´s last [type] ..Do You Notice Blessings All Around You?
Since I haven’t read the book yet, I am not sure what the definition of an “exploder” is, but I feel like I might fit into both categories. Sometimes I find myself holding it all in to avoid conflict, confrontation, disappointment (my own or someone else’s) and sometimes my emotions get the best of me and I go off on the unlucky person who happens to be standing closest to me at the moment. I know, it sounds awful… but it’s the messy truth. Every day I pray for God to help me find that balance in handling my emotions, my response to stress… to learn to “let go” and just allow him to handle the situation, whatever it might be.
I subscribe to Faith Barista.
Courtney F.´s last [type] ..Thankful Thursday…
I shared on Facebook!
I would love to win.
My name is Cindy and I am a stuffer.
Hello, my name is T Renee and I am a stuffer. And it ain’t pretty.
Oh my. This post and this book hits home in a deep way and I so need to read it and start a journey to a healthier me.
Thank you for your transparency and for this opportunity to win a copy of Lysa’s awesome new book.
Stuffer or exploder? I realize I’m a more of a stuffer that eventually changes into an exploder, usually for the wrong reasons and sometimes when it is least helpful. So when I explode, I go back to being a stuffer because I feel bad about how I said it and then discouraged because it seems I’ve made a bad situation worst. It’s a cycle I want to break, I just want to mean what I say and say what I mean. I’m encouraged today that I’m not alone. Thanks as always for sharing your heart, keep writing in His strength, you already know it’s can’t be in your own. Still praying and keeping good thoughts for you.
THIS I understand…..you see, for years, I stuffed and stuffed and stuffed, until there would be an occasional explosion of anger—way out of proportion to its object. And, I never could understand; no one could. Where did all that anger come from? What was wrong with me….the gal who always had it all together, who “fixed” other people’s problems, was strong for them, did the “right” thing, gave the best biblical advice, walked the walk she talked, had empathy, was merciful and gracious, giving of herself, etc., etc. But, you see, all the ugliness from years and years had just been stuffed down, never truly dealt with, even after I became a believer, even though I thought it had been. But, our God is so patient, loving, gracious, and kind, AND He never leaves us alone. He’s always working for our good and His glory, and in the time He knows to be best, He takes the lid off all the stuffed ugliness so we can learn how to deal with it through the power of His Spirit. Praise God for His perfect timing and His perfect power in our weakness! No, never alone, no, never alone. He promised never to leave us, never to leave us alone. With God all things are possible!
Eyes on Him and Choosing Joy,
Penny
I am traveling this very path. Afraid of moving forward, afraid of staying put.
I am a stuffer. I like to just put it all in a deep hole inside of me and keep stuffing all my emotions on top of each other. That usually results in everything blowing up eventually and I have mini breakdowns. Living with 2 chronic illness’s has me breaking down a lot. I need to learn how to stop this. I would love to win a copy of Unglued. I have “liked” you on Facebook and Twitter so enter me 3 times.
God Bless you.
Crystal Balentine´s last [type] ..Day 1 of Mayo Clinic
I shared on facebook
I already subscribe to Faith Barista. Love the site and what you share. Please enter me for the book.
I tend to stuff my emotions rather than expose how I really feel deep down. My biggest problem with “stuffing” everything is eventually the anger and hurt builds and then watch out! I am no longer the woman I want to be….
It depends on the circumstance whether I stuff, or explode. Those whom I feel safe and understood, to share/vent the feelings associated with a circumstance which affects my emotions deeply, are my sisters, and some close friends. Ultimately, I go to Jesus, and I often write the expression of the deep feelings overwhelming me. I know from experience , that He is always with me through them and waiting for my awareness of my need of Him to help me go beyond the emotions to the place of peace and rest in Him. This morning I was reading Psalms 32-36. Within those chapters, are verses which speak of encouragement in the midst of need. Healing can be found in His presence through His word spoken, and written. Psalm 32:7 confirms: You are my hiding place; You shall preserve me from trouble; You shall surround me with songs of deliverance. Psalm 34:18 assures: The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart…. Psalm 36:7 declares: How precious is Your lovingkindness, O God! Therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of Your wings. Pamela
Defiantly a stuffer! And I have the constant stomach ache to prove it!
~ Dorothy
Amazing how many stuffers there are here. I, too, am a stuffer. I think we are compelled to comment, not only because we can win a copy of “Unglued”, but because of your honesty and vulenerability Bonnie. Thanks for your post. I feel blessed and fortunate that Lysa had her “Unglued” blog roll today. I’ve met some interesting kindered spirits along the way.
Write your book Bonnie! Not only will it bless and encourage those who read it, it will help heal your heart. Wishing you much luck. And thanks for the chance to win a copy of “Unglued”.
I so appreciate you sharing your story. It has been very encouraging to me and my journey. I have struggled with anxiety for the past two years. I know what a battle it is and the strength & faith it takes to persevere through it. I know that God is using your story for His glory.
I am subscribed to Faith Barista!
Thank you for writing afraid. Exactly what I need to hear.
I shared this post on facebook!!!
Wow it is fantastic to see how the reading of Unglued is getting others to open up and see there issues and reactions when an unglued episode comes into their life! I am so excited that someone like Lysa has opened up and shared so that we others can “relate” and know it is not just us or we are not unworthy or inferrior because of these feelings and emotional times. Thank you Lysa and more important Praise the Lord for Lysa’s insight!
I too feel unglued at times. My family and I have lived in our current home for 4 years now and for the entire 4 years we have been slowly renovating. Which means, my house is never in order like I want it to be. It’s very cluttered at times. I asked my husband just a couple of days ago is we would ever live in a clutter free, renovation free home and you know what he told me. ‘No.’ Oh how I’m just going to have to see this is as our normal somehow.
Thanks for the giveaway, I would love to read this book!