What I Know Now: A Letter To My Younger Self
FAITH BARISTA'S BLOG ANNIVERSARY IS HERE !
** "God's Plans For You" GIVEAWAY **
To celebrate, I'm giving away Jeanne Winter's Gallery Art.
This inspiring art print comes from Jeremiah 29:11:
"I know the plans I have for you, Says the Lord."
Enter the Giveway At The End Of Today's Post !
“You are not forgotten. Don’t run from your need. Feel your need and dare to follow your dreams.”
This is a school picture of me, taken in third grade. You see my Mork from Ork suspenders? I wore those rainbow straps, even when my pants pulled up too tight and those chicklet-sized suspender clips were just barely hanging on.
I loved watching Mork and Mindy. Nanu, nanu… And check out that neckline. I made sure my collar opened up wide, so that my mirrored Hello Kitty necklace dangled front and center. My hubby Eric cracks up everytime I show him this picture. But, it doesn’t surprise him. Yeah, I’m geeky.
I loved school even more than TV, so you can imagine — all my teachers loved me and always made me feel special. I was the chatterbox among my school friends, so I can’t say I was shy. I made good friends, played hot lava tag at recess and hold many wonderful, warm memories of elementary school life.
But, life back at home was a very different story. Third grade was very significant for me. Not only because the multiplication tables eluded me, while Pippy Longstocking won my heart. But, it was a year of enduring many dark struggles, as a single parent child, from a divorced family.
My letter today is to her — my younger self — when I was the only Chinese-American girl who sat in my California third grade class.
~~~~~
Dear Bonnie,
You are bubbly by nature, curious and tomboy all rolled up into one. You play kickball with the boys, but deep inside, you wish you had a pair of patent leather black party shoes too. You always did your best and never stopped caring, thinking and doing until all was taken care of. You wear a smile well and laughter is your default weather. Your eyes sparkle with sunshine because the dreams in your heart keep you content and very low maintenance.
But, I see deep where no one can see.
I see your need.
I know that your father left two years ago suddenly. Without warning, you woke up to find him packing to leave. Your mother is not a safe person. And there is no one left to confide in. You are the girl who can’t stop talking in class — who the teacher forced into exile in Siberia, scooting your desk to the class corner (still to no avail – no one can keep Bonnie from talking!). But, here you are, with no one to hold your broken heart or hear your thousandth question.
You don’t think anyone hears you when you cry at night, when you stare up into the ceiling and watch the shadows dance off headlights from street traffic streaming outside your bedroom window.
Last year, you won second place in the district spelling bee. But, your momma met you with a sigh in her shoulders, her head shaking in disappointment, as you met her eyes of apathy after the awards ceremony. Second place became last place and your sweet young heart fell crushed with regret.
Next year you will you write your first poem. It will be selected to be published in the school newspaper, which you will carefully fold, to carry home and put away quietly in your desk.
You’ve been brought up to believe that nothing good comes easy. Only what’s hard and bitter is served to you as love.
You don’t know it yet, Bonnie. But, none of your tears can erode God’s love for you.
None of your loneliness can be hidden away, like your poem — in the drawer of forgotten.
None of the coldness you wrap around for comfort is going to freeze the gifts God’s given you.
I don’t have an answer to why for you. But, I can tell you — with undeniable certainty — that you are not forgotten.
Every word you whisper on paper is carving out a hungry heart that will grow wide and deep for Jesus to speak into.
You will not stop writing, even though no one seems to care.
You will not stop loving, because your need will keep you vulnerable, longing and tender.
Whatever you do, you must remember this.
Nothing and nobody can change who God has made you.
No mistake, no guilt, no abuse, no lies, no missed opportunities, no shameful words.
You will be afraid. Very afraid. But, even this cannot destroy you. Even if you don’t believe it. It won’t matter. God’s purpose for you cannot be erased.
So, these are my words to you: it’s worth it.
Be broken. Don’t run from it. Feel your need and dare to follow your dreams.
And when you feel you’ve been too broken and cannot stand the pain of being alone one breath longer — break your silence.
Tell someone. Anyone. Everyone. Be that annoying needy someone — until someone who can recognize the voice of Christ in your pain answers. You must not hide, even at the risk of more hurt. Which you surely will be. Because you want to live fully.
And you will.
When you give yourself permission to need — that place of empty, that place of wanting – that ache of unrequited desire will lead you to fulfill the God-sized dreams that are imprinted in you before you were even named.
Before the beginning of time, you were designed to need.
The more you lean into your need, the more you will be able to trust your dreams and pursue them with passion and fervor. No matter what the cost. No matter how long it takes.
Your need entwines you to Christ.
Brokenness is beauty to Him.
You are not forgotten.
No matter what comes. No matter how invisible.
You are not forgotten.
With all my love and tenderness for you,
Bonnie
~~~~~
“It will no longer be said to you, “Forsaken,”
Nor to your land will it any longer be said, “Desolate”;
But you will be called, “My delight is in her,”
…For the LORD delights in you”
~ My Abba Father, Is.62:4
~~~~~
What would you say to your younger self – based on what you know now?
At what point in life would you wish to speak to her– and what would you say?
Pull up a chair and stay a little longer today. Click to comment. Let’s swap some stories.
~~~~~~
** God’s Plans For You Giveaway **
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To Enter:
1. Write a blog post on “What I Now Know” and link it up in the Faith Jam below or share a comment by Midnight Tuesday 8/21/12. Winner will be contacted Thursday 8/23/12.
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2. Subscribe to Faith Barista and leave an extra comment letting me know.
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Faith Barista Jam Thursdays
– I serve up a topic of faith, you write a post and link up (or simply comment).
– Please place the Faith Jam Badge in your post. It’s a welcome sign for our community. Grab the HTML Code above. Thanks!
– It’s a jam session. Visit the post before yours, say hi, drop a comment and make a faith friend. We blog together to encourage each other.
TO LINK UP: Click the blue button below: “Add Your Link” (Subscribers: click here to get there directly).
*Today’s 8/16/12 Writing Prompt: “What I I Know Now”
Write a letter to yourself at an earlier time in your life. Share what you know now about the faith journey with your younger self. Your younger self can be any age you feel prompted to address. e.g. “Dear Jane, ….”.
*Next Thursday’s 8/23/12 Writing Prompt: Write a Letter To God.
Approach it any way you feel inspired! Only required ingredient: keep it real. Click here to learn more.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Hey Bonnie,
I’m so excited to link up with you again! I missed your Faith Jams while you were away!
I’m a follower via RSS/GFC!!
And I’m #2 in the linky.
Brooke @ Covered in Grace´s last [type] ..a letter to my teenaged self.
I loved your letter, Brooke! So amazing to share together this way…
I tweeted about the link up! Loving my faith shots again.
Here’s the tweet: https://twitter.com/CoveredinGrace/status/236010403954569217
Brooke @ Covered in Grace´s last [type] ..a letter to my teenaged self.
I had those same suspenders.
It’s okay to be broken. I hear that message in your letter and I take it to heart. So glad you’re back online with us. We missed you.
Lisa notes´s last [type] ..A letter to a younger me
Whew. I’m not the only one?
Those suspenders ROCKED.
I so enjoyed reading your letter, Lisa. Reminded me how much I missed you!
tweeted about giveaway
im a suscriber
i loved mork & mindy and word thoses suspenders too!!!!!!!!!!! i love your blog and look forward to reading it. you are so inspiring and your stories are so touching!!!!
Thank you so much, Cassie! You’re so sweet… nanu, nanu!
Oh, Bonnie, my heart breaks for the younger you. Thank the Lord that He healed you and is using you for His work!
Melissa´s last [type] ..A Letter to a Younger Me #faithjam
Sweet Melissa, It was so special to read your letter — and to go back in time with you — when young love took you to tender places — it speaks to us still today. About letting go and being still. Thank you for opening your heart.
Hi Bonnie,
I missed you and Faith Jam Thursdays! So glad to have you back. Thank you…your writing prompts challenge and stretch me, and I just love them.
I’m linked up and I subscribe by email.
Blessings,
Laura
Laura Rath´s last [type] ..What I Know Now
Loved your letter, Laura. So good to look back and see how God has brought you through with gems tucked in your heart.
I do not blog. So I am posting here. God bless you Bonnie as you continue to walk with such dignity and courage, the path He is leading you on. Remember, he is with you, and drawing you closer to Himself. Step by step, day by day and moment by moment, you and He will face what up to now has been unfaceable. Thank you for sharing with others.
Dear Joan,
The silent tears. The unspoken, even unacknowledged need your heart hides will one day be seen and heard by the Lover of Your Soul. In fact, even though for the most part you are unaware of Him, He is always close beside you. Gathering those unshed tears into his bottle.
Often now, in fact 99% of the time, you feel so very alone, lonely and afraid. There is One who hears your every cry. Those cries that are buried so deep, even you are not aware of them. One day, you will grow up to know his voice.
Beloved the voice of Jesus, the presence of Jesus will be with you all the days of your life. For He knows the day is coming when you will open your heart to Him. Then gradually and over time, you and He Who Loves you, will embrace the sorrow, fear and pain. He will come with healing in His wings. He will gather you close and hide you in the shelter of His love.
Precious child, you were created for love. To be loved. To give love. You were created to share His love with others. All the things, every sorrow pain and trial will be redeemed by, in and through His love. There will be others who you will touch with His love. You are going to be one-who-hears His voice in a special way. Others will be heart-touched by the words he shares with you because you will share them.
You will learn to rest, lean and abide in the Love of God. So take heart, beloved. You are loved. There is a plan and purpose for your life. I am glad you are me and I am you.
In Jesus name,
Amen
Thank you Joan for posting your letter here. You are indeed loved by Jesus!
Katie´s last [type] ..What I Know Now
Dear Joan, this was beautiful — thank you for sharing your letter here — for us to join you on your journey. You are loved by Jesus 100% even in our 99%. Especially in our 99% afraid.
Thank you. God bless you. As I said in my letter, I grew up to hear and share his heart… today he said:
My children KNOW My voice.
Do you delight in communion with ME?
Then you are truly My child.
It is My joy to meet with you,
To speak with you,
Directly into your heart.
I hold the keys to all you need,
Today and every day,
As well as every moment OF each day.
I have promised that when you seek Me,
When you choose to draw near to Me,
You will discover that I am Emmanuel,
God with you.
Beloved I am WITH you,
All the days of your life.
Will you choose afresh,
This very moment to turn to Me?
To lean on ME?
To rely on ME?
To seek Me with,
All that is “you”?
As you do,
You will find afresh,
That I have been with you,
Speaking into your heart,
Words of love, encouragement,
And yes, conviction.
Precious Child, come to Me
Again and again and again.
All the time
Any time.
From within any time.
xxxx
It was in reading your post to me, that I realized how very often he refers to me/us as his child and we although grow adults now are STILL His Beloved sons and daughters, his children.
I would so tell my younger self to be true to yourself. And to try to make myself as happy as i try to make everyone around me.
Cindy, those are words we all need to receive! To give ourselves permission to receive the love we so easily offer to others. Thank you for sharing. I’m going to post your words on Facebook now…
I cry as I read your words. The past couple of weeks dear Bonnie you have been my voice, my heart, saying things I have not had the words for, but so felt in the deepest of my heart. I thank God for your pain, your brokenness as I am growing and be freed by them. I am coming to realize that there is absolutely nothing we go through that cannot be a blessing to someone else. You have and are blessing me with your transparency, honesty and willingness to be vulnerable to us all. God bless you dear ‘sister’ I keep you in my prayers as you continue to be used by our dear Lord to minister to me ………and many others.
Mercy, Grace and Peace,
Debby
I shared this Faith Jam on Facebook!
Michelle Axton Kelly´s last [type] ..What I Know Now
I subscribed under teaganstravels@yahoo.com!
Looking forward to more posts from you and Faith Jams!
Michelle Axton Kelly´s last [type] ..What I Know Now
Bonnie, I will come back later and read. Off to work now. Love you dear friend. Just as with Hagar — God was one who SEES you.
Katie´s last [type] ..What I Know Now
Kate,
Thank you for sharing your letter. I too have had a hard time accepting my pain and taking it too God. Your letter was a blessing to me.
Thank you,
Alicia
Thank you for your kind words. I am glad you enjoyed it.
Katie´s last [type] ..What I Know Now
Oh, Bonnie we share so much in common. Only, I didn’t even try for good grades. I acted up all of the time. The little rebel in me, I guess.
)
Bonnie, this was such a good exercise for me to do. Thank you for the challenge. I stuffed so many feelings inside as a seven year old girl trying to be brave for my family. I had open heart surgery. So much good came out of that experience but at the time I didn’t understand that. This letter helped me!
Thank you for opening up your heart to us. I do believe we can help one another as we go through this faith journey. God is so good and He has a plan for us.
blessings and love,
Debbie
Debbie´s last [type] ..What I Know Now
I would say to myself that life is scary and at times you will indeed question everything about your life, but you will/MUST push through. God has so many miracles paved ahead of you and you just CAN’T STOP now. This road may be bumpy and the blood, sweat and tears along the way are hard, but there will be a time when you breath the deepest breath and say “WOW!” You will know His love and His peace and embrace it. You will look back on the bumpy road and see each pothole as a victory. PRAISE HIM, IN ALL THAT YOU DO!!
Bonnie,
I do not blog, although I have played with the thought several times. I wanted to do you letter, but I was scared. As I read your, and thought of how many times reading your fears, pain, tears, joy, and so forth had ministered to me, I wanted to say thank you. I figured the best way to do this was to try this jam thing out. So here it goes
Dear Alicia,
You are a beautiful and smart woman who seeks Gods will in her life. But you are also in search of something else – someone to love you. You never feel good enough. Not skinny enough. Not smart enough. Not pretty enough. Not funny enough. Not spiritual enough. Just not enough. So you look for your enough from from boys and men. You pretend it’s all fun, but inside, you hope and long for more. You think constantly, “Is this the one?”
You, dear, long for a man who will love you and fill all your “not enough’s.” I know, because I remember how desperate you feel now, lying by the lake. The “note enough’s” are creating a void inside you and you feel as though you are drowning. So you turn, you turn to God. I’m so proud of you!
But this man you are about to meet, and almost marry, is not not from God. And he’s not who you think he is. he is deceptive, deceitful, cunning, and scary. he smells your fears and weaknesses and will use them against you. He will break you, my dear.
Everyone will warn you, but you’ll find those who support you. Try, and I know you can, to turn to God. Let Him show you how beautiful, smart and amazing you are to Him. Let Him fill all your “not enough’s.” He can do that better than any man ever will.
You are a strong woman. You have endured many trials and pain. I’m just trying to save you from years of nightmares, panic attacks, and loneliness. But, no matter what you decide, know this:
You are enough.
God can and will supply all your needs.
Love will come from unexpected places.
And the best love of all, comes from Jesus Christ.
Remember this always.
Love,
Alicia
Hi Bonnie! I’m so glad to have found such a wonderful site, and so excited to do my very first link-up! I felt so inspired writing my letter to my younger self last night; thank you so much for the prompt. I’m a new subscriber via email and RSS, and I tweeted this post!
Looking forward to many more of your incredible posts.
Rachel Hillary´s last [type] ..A Letter to my Eight-Year Old Self: Thursday Faith Jam
Here’s the tweet! https://twitter.com/mybodywillrun/status/236100422018953216
Again, so excited to have found these shots of faith.
Rachel Hillary´s last [type] ..A Letter to my Eight-Year Old Self: Thursday Faith Jam
Bonnie loves Mork? We are friends for life. And not being able to stop the talking, I had the same problem in kindergarten. I have not idea what happened.
Writing this letter was so hard and so needed for me. Thanks for choosing this.
Kristine´s last [type] ..Dear Kristine
You were to cutest little nerd ever! Beautiful letter full of wisdom from the years in between!
Jennifer´s last [type] ..Letter to a Younger Me
What would I say to my younger self… I think of all the insecurities I have had during the growing years… Oh how important I thought was to fit in… to be accepted… and the tears I cried because I didn’t… I would encourage myself in my teen years to hold on… life gets better… or does it… High school was hard too… the popularity factor… the smart ones… the boyfriends… we can feel so ugly unappreciated and dumb… but now I know those were lies… lies to steal my joy… oh how I would change those feelings if I could…
You’re being brave for sharing this, however, it is a good healing process.
When you tapped dance and put on a show, the REAL one to put on the show for is Jesus – He’s the one smiling in the background- shaking his head to the tune. Saying that ‘s my sister – isn’t she special. It’s okay no one else notices you are special because I do.
Come sit over here and let Jesus tell you why you are so special to me and Him. We share the same Daddy, yep, My daddy and yours are the same. He has a mansion, he’s rich and famous. There are a lot of people you will meet later on in your life, even big men who say they know God and they study the Bible. They’ll tell you lies about Our Father. They’ll tell you, you aren’t his, they’ll say unless you behave in a certain way, you can’t call him your Daddy. Don’t believe them. You, my sister, have a Daddy in heaven He is called Abba Daddy and Jesus is His son, so that makes Him our brother and He is AWESOME- He is the BEST big brother you could ever have!!
Jesus can tell you about boys. Some boys are going to want to kiss you and say they “love you” and they’re going to act in certain ways and they will touch your body and your body is going to like the sensations but it won’t be real love. Real love is the kind that says – YOUR life is more important than theirs, what you want is more important than their wants. And I know sis, it’s going to be hard for you to be able to tell the difference. But if you ask our big Brother Jesus, he’ll let you know who is the best guy for you. In fact Jesus’ advice to us little sis is to –Guard your heart. He knows how boys think and he knows that you want to please them, but WAIT until he tells you. He’ll check with his Dad to make sure it’s safe for you.
And sis, because I know Jesus and His Daddy are rich – you won’t have to worry about money and stuff, because he has everything we need. Like sometimes you might only have a nickel in your pocket and you go to the store and something is supposed to be $2 and you go to the register and she’ll ring up 1 cent!!! Yep, isn’t that crazy – only 1 cent and it’s supposed to be $2. I did you catch that – you had 5 cents so look how good this Daddy is, you only had to pay a penny and you still have 4 cents left!!
Isn’t He Awesome!!
Oh, and Daddy is so kind, let’s say you lost something. Or a friend of yours took it away. HE gets you a new one and it’s a newer one and a better model than the one you had! Yep, that’s our Abba Daddy – little sis. So, Instead of dancing and entertaining your parents’ friends.; I’m inviting you over to my new families’ house and you can play over here – it’s safer and all you need is here. One day even Mom and Dad are going to come over to this house too. And it’ll all be glorious then. You’ll see, have faith little sister, have faith!
I wish to tell the my young teen self that even though you have had to take on the responsibilites of an adult at 13 years old because your mom had to go to work to help share in the financial load of raising 5 children it will benefit you later in life. With only a high school education mom had to take a job working nights cleaning one of the floors in the Standard Buildings in downtown Cleveland, OH. I missed her so much. No way was I ready to take on house cleaning, laundry, taking care of 3 little sisters, washing my dads dirty underwear and packing his lunches. Dad shut down and isolated himself from us kids when mom left for work. He was lost without her there and expected me to take her place when she wasn’t there. I was mad and frustrated because I wanted to go hang out with my friends and have my mom tuck me in at night.
I would tell her that all of the frustration and anger would eventually help her to make choices that would allow her to be there for her own children. I may have lost my childhood at 13 years old but I was given a second chance when I had my own children. I went to college to make sure I could get a job working only during the day so I would be home for my kids at night to tuck them in. So my kids were able to be kids and so I wouldn’t be like my poor mom who missed out on ball games, concerts and all kinds of life expereicnces she never had the opportunity to share in because she had to do what she did for me to have the basic essentials of life like clothes, food and shelter. I got to cheer from the stands, I got to be the team mom, I got to miss nights of sleep holding a sick child in my arms, I got to watch triumphs and failures. I got to see it all!!
That frustration and anger turned into determination and drive to be the mother that my mom and I both wish I could have had. God had it all planned out from the very beginning. I now see how much he was preparing me from my childhood to understand and chreish the beauty and awesomeness of being a mom! I will be forever grateful to God for giving me an awesome mom who taught me how to make sacrifices and for showing me that there is always a reason why he allows us to go through tough times.
Thanks Jules for sharing….I had the same experience in school…never really fit in, but wasn’t really trying either. I thought it was normal to have hand-me-down clothes from my cousins, I thought it was great, but kids a school were cruel and pucker on me mercilessly….never knew how much it affected me until later in life when my poor self esteem caused me to make poor choices. This is the letter I would write myself in my early twenties after graduating university.
Dear Ely,
You are out on your own now and there is a whole big and not so pure world out there. Remember what your parents taught you and what you learned in church, you’ll need to hold onto that in the years ahead. You think everything is good now, that you’re an adult but really you’re still a scared little girl inside. Don’t be lured by men who befriend you and are going to “teach you all about life”….God has already shown you the answers in His Word. I wish I could take you and hold you tight in my arms and stop you from getting into a bad relationship that will take over 10 years to get out of
. I wish you would have the self-esteem to be on your own for a while and pursue your passions and find out WHO you are and not just be with someone who is nice to you and makes you feel good temporarily. You know deep down that you should pursue God and only Him, but you feel you cannot cope without a man in your life. Don’t forget to look after yourself and your own self-esteem. You can serve God best when you are your best! You will experience a lot of pain because you need to learn everything on your own and want to “experience life”. Yes, you were sheltered by your Christian parents, but one day you will see that is not a bad thing. You will not attain the things you think you will by going down this path, but God can restore and He will turn things around for good….just believe that. If you allowed the Lord to guide you and were patient, things would go well for you but you are impulsive and think you have to act or noone will. Enjoy this time because you will not always be this naiive and will be crushed and tainted by the experiences of your life. Jesus loves you, this I know!! Please think about what I have said….your older, wiser and disappointed self.
Hey, Bonnie! I’m #19 in your link-up, and also an email subscriber!
Bonnie, I missed linking with you so much! I am thrilled to have written this post to my younger self. I have already had some private comments from readers. This subject touches deep places my friend. YAY! SO EXCITED TO DO THE FAITH JAM AGAIN! WOO HOO!!!
(And your post is beautiful. Ha, I watched Mork and Mindy too — though I never joined their club by buying the suspenders. hee hee.)
Love!
Beth
Beth´s last [type] ..A Letter to My Younger Self
Oh Bonnie, your words spoke to the little girl in me that felt the same and experienced the abandonment and also the fear. Knowing you were never safe. Mom was not safe. Thank you. I am going to carry this letter with me for a while. The words are not finished working through me. Thank you.
Teresa´s last [type] ..Quiet me with Love
This is beautiful Bonnie. It’s funny. I’ve never considered what I would say to a younger version of myself. I didn’t go back as far as you but it’s been good to do so. Blessings to you my sweet friend.
Kristine McGuire´s last [type] ..What I Know Now
I am a subscriber to your blog and love your honesty and faith! So blessed by your sharing this letter with us today!
If I were to write a letter to my younger self I would address it to the teenage me and tell her that she doesn’t need anyone by God’s love to be accepted. That God loves me just as I am, He is the daddy that I didn’t have and the best friend that I always needed. I would tell her to get into God’s Word and find time to just pray and surrender my life to Him instead of looking for escape through alcohol and relationships. I would let her know that God loves her no matter her mistakes and that He is just standing there waiting for her to come running back to Him! I would tell her she is beautiful just as she is and that God has the most amazing plans for her!!
I wrote a similar letter today. You are accepted in the Beloved are words that changed my life, and trusting in Him with all my heart is what I intend to do.
Melinda McCray´s last [type] ..A Letter to Mindy
My childhood nickname was Mindy. I loved Mork and Mindy too. I would often hear teasing children say, “Hey Mindy where’s Mork?” Today my dear cousin and I share that greeting with each other every phone call. She calls me Nanu Nanu and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Thank you for the opportunity to share in the Faith Jam again. What a blessing it has been. I wrote to my 16 yr old self. Sharing was scary, but I was glad I did. You are a blessing and hearing about God in your life makes us want to be brave.
Melinda McCray´s last [type] ..A Letter to Mindy
stepping out again because of you…thanks for the encouragement! #29
I’m glad your back, I’ve missed you!!
I’ve wondered about this writing a letter to my younger self quite often. What would I say? I would go back to middle school me, when insecurities first started seeping in, and tell me to love myself self and don’t bend for anyone’s approval. To believe in yourself more and don’t lose your voice bc you really do matter.
Blessings Bonnie.
Alecia´s last [type] ..Growing Pains
Hi Bonnie,
So thankful you are back. Missed your musings and encouragement. Praying you continue to draw near the Lord in your trials.
I linked up and am already a subscriber.
I love the prompt for this faith jam.
Blessings.
Julie
Julie Sunne´s last [type] ..You Are Not in Control {a letter to myself}
Tweeted
Julie Sunne´s last [type] ..You Are Not in Control {a letter to myself}
You’ve been in my heart and prayers — what joy to have you back here inviting us all in!
HisFireFly´s last [type] ..Letter to myself…
Just twittered & Facebooked your -jam – I had to wait until I got home, as “social networking” is blocked at work!
The post inspired by your writing prompt today is perhaps my most epic – and most scary to publish! – ever. I spoke to my college self – the one questioning her sexual orientation, teetering on the brink of marriage to a man she didn’t love just to get married and prove to herself and the world she COULD be straight, the girl who prayed even though she wasn’t even sure the God she prayed to existed. And all because of just a handful of small decisions based on snippets of God’s word, I can tell her about incredible blessings that she couldn’t have dreamed of. Different blessings then she would have wished or prayed for, certainly – but so above and beyond dreams, they wouldn’t have even made a wish list back then.
Thank you for the prompt. When I saw it, I was pretty much stumped as to what I would write. But I headed upstairs with my iPhone to take a few instagram pics of old college photos, and it all came rushing back to me. The confusion, the darkness, the pleading with the Lord. It was very therapeutic to write this. I’m afraid I might face some backlash because for me, the Right choice was choosing a heterosexual life. I’m at a point right now that I can’t say it’s the Right choice, period, for everyone. But for me, it was. And I am so glad that God granted me the wisdom beyond my years and my confusion and my doubt to make that one Right choice.
Love to you, Bonnie! I have MISSED YOU, my dear friend!! The French say, “tu me manqué”, which means “you are missing from me”. Are you going to Relevant this year? I don’t have a ticket yet but I’m thinking about trying to get one…
Genevieve @ Turquoise Gates´s last [type] ..One Right Choice: A Letter to My Younger Self
Bonnie,
This was a great piece, one I needed to read right now. Thank you.
I do hope I didn’t break any unwritten rules; I seem to be the only guy taking part in the Faith Jam.
Ray, the Wandering Author´s last [type] ..Letter To Myself – What I Know Now
I can not even began to tell you how blessed I have been by reading some of these blog posts! So many women that I can identify with is such a balm over my troubled soul.
Thank you, Bonnie
One of my favorite verses! Love your blog posts!
I am already a subscriber
Genevieve @ Turquoise Gates´s last [type] ..One Right Choice: A Letter to My Younger Self
I shared on both Facebook AND Twitter, as usual – because your blog posts are AWESOME! I am SO glad you’re back, dear Bonnie!!!
Genevieve @ Turquoise Gates´s last [type] ..One Right Choice: A Letter to My Younger Self
My life verse
I subscribe by e mail
I am back and finally able to sit and read your post again, not so fast, I let the words sink into my heart. “Be broken. Don’t run from it. Feel your need and dare to follow your dreams.” I am on this same path and journey my friend. I love you. I am broken with you. My dreams……. my marriage restored and stronger than ever, sharing my heart with others to bring hope and healing to them, somehow becoming a daycare teacher again (this one is the harder one right now). After being fired and a false accusation of hurting a child, it is terrifying to go back into the field I dearly love. I will be sharing this on FB tonight. I love this post. Love you friend and continuing to pray for you. xoxoxoxo
Katie´s last [type] ..What I Know Now
Beautifully written. I shared.