One Birthday Wish: A Lisa Leonard Necklace Giveaway
It’s my birthday today.
But, I have mixed feelings about it.
I’ve always loved celebrating my birthday.
It’s a chance to start over. Fresh.
It’s one of the most reflective times I get to enjoy. To look back at the year. I get very sentimental.
I’m the kind of girl, after all, who walks into a card store and feels like she can buy every card on the display racks. I can think of a gazillion ways a card can speak to me. To reflect on the moments. To recall a good memory or sink into the reverie of a dream-that-might-come true.
But, not this year.
I can’t do what I usually love doing. I can’t make any plans.
I can’t look back on this year with much fondness. And I have no idea what’s up ahead.
That’s definitely not the way I want to celebrate my birthday. I like to set goals. See where I’ve been and decide where I want to go.
But, there’s no way around it.
I don’t have the timeline to my healing.
So, where does that leave me?
The answer is: I don’t know.
And that really scares me.
One Birthday Wish
As I look into the unknown, there is one thing that is keeping me anchored.
It is one birthday tradition that I developed throughout my young adult years, that continues today.
I had never grown up with the luxury of wanting something for my birthday. The best thing that could’ve happened to me on my special day during all those years was — nothing.
It was indisputably easier to feel guilty or selfish for wanting attention, rather than acknowledging the desire to be loved and celebrated. This is what happens when the environment surrounding you is emotionally scarce.
You live an internal world, where you absorb any needs before they arise. You tell yourself, you are fine, because people around you are not.
But, with Jesus, I ask Him for one thing. One birthday wish.
Give me one word — to remember this year by.
Let me know you see me. Tell me, you know my desires.
Give me the gift of one word — from you — so I can know you are with me on this journey.
Place it on my heart. Tell me, that you are really here.
Is it a praise or is it a prayer?
By Now
I can’t help it, but my thoughts keep circling to a repeating phrase: by now.
I should be all better — by now.
I should be more encouraged — by now.
You’d think — by now... (fill in the blank).
But, I realize as I stand here at the start of a new year, Jesus is placing a set of different words in my hands.
I keep thinking – By now.
Instead, Jesus whispers — By faith.
No Man’s Land
I thought about this as I closed the bathroom door a few days ago, to turn on the shower and wait for the hot water. I was praying, “Please Jesus, let me fall asleep tonight, without any panic attacks.”
As I did, I felt overwhelmed by the reality:
I don’t know if any flashbacks or memories will pulse through my body, pound my heart, steal my breath and choke me awake this night.
God didn’t take them away by spring or by summer’s end.
It’s already fall. And it’s still not over.
I’m going to have to keep walking through this, in order to get to the other side.
There are no short cuts.
Not even on my birthday.
By Faith
As I stood there with the steam fogging the bathroom mirror, wilting my hair, I began to cry.
By now…
That’s all I could think of. And my heart couldn’t stop wishing things were different.
It was in this place of no man’s land, that I heard God’s voice echo into my heart, gently yet firmly.
By faith… Abraham traveled to a city that couldn’t be built with hands.
By faith… Abraham lived in a tent.
By faith… Abraham walked everyday without any plans, without knowing how long it would take or where he was being led.
By faith…
One Thing
I don’t think Abraham had the vision of celebrating his 99th birthday, living in the land of the unknown, past his prime when he left Ur.
I’m guessing Abraham looked up at the stars many nights, recalling what God once told him and thought, By now…
Abraham wasn’t in control of God’s timing or God’s plan for him or his family.
But, Abraham did choose one thing that God always saw and valued.
He kept walking into no man’s land. He did not turn back.
Abraham kept walking forward — by faith.
~~~~~
“By faith Abraham,
when called to go to a place
he would later receive as his inheritance,
obeyed and went,
even though he did not know where he was going.”
~ Hebrews 11:8
~~~~~
What is one word God is placing on your heart, as we stand at the crest of the holiday season?
Click to share a comment by this Sunday 12/9/12 . You’ll be entered to win Lisa Leonard’s Three Things Necklace. It’s new from Lisa’s Faith Collection (currently on sale at DaySpring until Friday tomorrow).
If you share on Facebook or Twitter, drop me another comment to place an extra entry!.
Something Special
This birthday, I found something special to celebrate the words God’s placed on my heart this year – by faith.
I picked out the silver-chained Three Things Necklace designed my friend, Lisa Leonard. The necklace is part of Lisa’s new Faith Collection, inscribed with the words “faith”, “hope”, and “love”.
It’s reminds me every time I think, by now… Jesus is whispering to me, by faith, giving me hope and love for each step of the journey.
Special thanks to DaySpring, sweet enough to celebrate with me and host today’s giveaway!
One (1) winner will be selected by random to receive the “Three Things” Lisa Leonard Necklace!
Just share a comment by Sunday 12/9/12. You’ll be entered in!
Thank you
This birthday, I’m especially thankful for you. It’s with you, I took my first steps broken, writing afraid, through this journey of healing. It’s with you, I’m learning to walk by faith in the fog, to speak in full voice and break old family codes.
Thank you for the tremendous comfort and encouragement you offer me through your words, prayers and your stories. You give me courage to be vulnerable, by being present with me. You should know that every comment and email you’ve sent my way, arrive as letters to my soul. They are read with deep gratitude, with prayers of thanksgiving and amazement of you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Photo credit: jayesh911 via Photobucket.
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Marcy on Why I’ve Been Away & Why I Must Write Today
Dileep on Looking For My Real Father
Stephanie on Why I’ve Been Away & Why I Must Write Today
Dear Bonnie, may the God of Peace cradle you in His everlasting arms on this journey of faith He has called you to- and He is faithful who has called you- so fear not for He is with you! In Jesus name, Amen.
Missing the Thursdays with you here but glad to see you sharing your heart a bit now and again.
God gave me the word “less” last year and has already given me a word for the New Year…it is Release! Obviously He thinks I need more lessons about less, but now He wants me to learn to let go…release things I have been holding onto that are not useful to my life of faith.
Thank you for being brave to share- cheering for you from the Blogosphere, In His Grace, Dawn
Dawn´s last [type] ..Online Ornament Exchange
Oh and Happy Birthday!!!
Dawn´s last [type] ..Online Ornament Exchange
I absolutely love that necklace. What a blessing. I hope you have the happiest of birthdays filled with love and laughter!
Dear Bonnie,
I’m on the brink of a new chapter in my life and this is exactly what I needed to hear. Through all my fears, by faith…
Happy birthday! And may he bless you and keep you. May the lord make his face shine upon you and give you peace.
Hang in there, Bonnie! God brought my emotional and spiritual healing in stages – I believe in part because He knew I couldn’t handle the “miracle” healing, but small doses at a time, like peeling back layers of an onion. There were many tears at first – a few still come – but eventually under God’s guidance, what a wonderful aroma comes when He “flavors” that “onion” layer with His truth and hope and grace.
Happy birthday! May you have a God-hugged one!
Beautiful woman of God, Happy Birthday! God is singing over your brokenness today. I can’t help but think of Zephaniah 3:14-20 after reading your post this morning. It is hard to see how all that you are now going through is a process of restoration, but it truly IS! As God was leading Abraham out of the land of comfort and into the land of PROMISE, so is He leading you!
My word for this past year has been “momentary”, because I was determined to live in the “now” and not in either the past or the “what if” of the future. It continues to be a challenge to do that! Both past and future are part of who we are, but today is where we get to choose God, in this very minute of joy, of suffering, even of fog…You have chosen God so faithfully on this journey! He is glorified by that.
Praying a blessed birthday for you, Bonnie!
First, happy birthday! Praying today is full of sweet moments and love.
My “one word” this season? “stop”….as in “stop doing, over-doing, feeling guilty for under-doing….slow down and be present instead of focusing on presents”
Crystal´s last [type] ..Finish Your Christmas Shopping with Shutterfly!
What a heartfelt story today Faith. May God grant you the desires of your heart. What came to me this morning from The Lord was “wait upon The Lord”. Sometimes we think its The Lord but its not and you know because things don’t turn out like you wanted. So you go through hard times which wouldn’t have happened if it was from The Lord. We learn, we grow and we carry on. So…God bless and keep on keeping on.
Happy happy birthday, Bonnie.
May God strengthen and keep u safe in him through this journey of faith- the Christian walk.
Deut. 31:8 “The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you.” If He’s ahead of me leading me yet holding my hand, I can go through anything.
oh sweet Bonnie,
how i have stood where you are standing. how my heart aches for you as you go through this trial. but the words He has given you are a testimony to His ability to calm in the midst of the storm.and not only do they bring peace to you, but you are able to share with so many.
now the practical “older woman been through it” says have your dr test you for hashimotos thyroiditis( anti thyroid antibodies is the test). it is a hideous autoimmune disease where your thyroid gland trys to kill itself. it causes seasons of hyperactivity in your system, and i believe has been the culprit in most of my panic and anxiety.( along with the emotional of course) you can have “perfectly normal” thyroid levels and still have the disease.
i am praying for you!!
Because of His Great Love,
barbra
First of all, I want to say “Happy birthday Bonnie”. I know this has been a challenging time for you. But God is at work and in His timing. As I was reading your post, the word that came to me for you was trust. And then you wrote ‘by faith’ which requires trust. When you couldn’t really trust those you should have been able to when growing up, it can be hard to relinquish control. Believe me, I’ve been there too.
But to walk by faith, we need to learn to trust Him. And I can tell you that He is trustworthy.
The one word the Lord is giving me at the end of this year is …LOVE!
I am so thankful for His love. And after going through several years of trials and challenges, I feel His love. My challenges are still far from over but He is carrying me through. And He blessed me with a job where I get to spend all day with twenty 3-4 year old children. After going through many years of infertility and never being able to have children, I thought this was a part of my life that I would just have to get over. But God in His love and knowledge of my heart, gave me this gift. And I’m loving it.
Love,
Debbie
Debbie´s last [type] ..The Blessings of the Christmas Season
Dear Bonnie,
Thank you for being transparent and sharing your heart with us! As I read Hebrews 11:8 the phrase that really stuck out to me was, “even though he did not know where he was going.” So often in my Christian walk I feel I need to know where the path leads or I am afraid to take even one step forward. I would like to be more like Abraham and take the steps of faith God is asking me to take “even though” I don’t know how to get to the destination! My words would be, “even though…”
Happy Birthday!
As you are on this healing journey, you bless us with these words. These are strong words of faith because sometimes it takes time for healing to be complete. It lets those of us who have suffered know other Christian friends suffer also. The courage to share these words gives us hope and encouragement. Your honesty is so healing! Thank you! Happy Birthday!
Bonnie,
You are so beautiful. The faith in fear speaks to me. I want to live by faith. You’re an example, none of us is perfect, but you show me how to live walking into the unknown. I’ve never asked God for a word on my birthday but I will Saturday. Thank you for this precious gift from you amidst your struggles.
Donnajnew´s last [type] ..Wisdom
Happy Birthday! You are a blessing to me!
Bonnie, the little child you were, doesn’t know Jesus, she just knows her own reality. Only as she learns to receive Jesus’ love herself – and He is therefore able to divide her (and you) from all the lies she has believed – will her fear and upset gradually stop impacting upon your reality today. He is faithful xxx
Wendy´s last [type] ..One Birthday Wish: A Lisa Leonard Necklace Giveaway
Happy birthday, Bonnie! Way to go, girl. You are brave and beautiful. At Allume in October, God placed on my heart a strong message that He wants me to “be free”. I know this means freedom from my childhood wounds. I’m working up the courage to read a specific book as my next healing step…so, I’m with you:) Prayers for your journey!
Mandy´s last [type] ..When You Don’t Want a Spiritual Band-Aid
Happy Birthday, dear Bonnie! Praying this day will be filled with happiness and joy for you. I posted on your FB wall but wanted to write here too since we have this conversation going on in your comment box for every post you write.
My motto for a while now has been “God’s got it!” I got it from Jennifer Duke Lee and it has been comforting to remind myself of it when I wonder when will things ever get better and if they ever will get better. In the end, no matter what the outcome, God has got it and it will be good.
I’m thanking God for you especially on this special day. You are a very special friend to me.. my only wish is that I could hug you in real life. <3
Happy Birthday to you…may you feel an overwhelming sense of peace this birth year!
I shared on Facebook.
Mandy´s last [type] ..When You Don’t Want a Spiritual Band-Aid
Waiting…………….
I shared on Twitter, too–because you’re awesome!
Mandy´s last [type] ..When You Don’t Want a Spiritual Band-Aid
My birthday has always been the beginning of my new year. My new year begins in two days and I guess my word for the new year is “love”. I have come across so many angry people this past year that I want my lungs to exhale the antidote.
Oh Bonnie, I know this pain so well. I call 2011 my “lost year” because of exactly what you just wrote about. I resisted medication for a while, then when I tried it it took me three different tries to find the right one. A whole year gone, BUT God has been faithful to find just the right thing for me and I am grateful every day for the feeling of “normal” and “functional”. I doubt there are alot of people out there that are thankful for functioning! I am praying that for you for your birthday. Happy Birthday, I pray it brings relief and healing.
Amy´s last [type] ..Lessons Learned
i love the one word response. so fitting. praying for you!
katy´s last [type] ..The Mamas
Happy Birthday! Thank you for sharing your heart. I’m sorry for the hard hard things you are dealing with. But it helps me to not feel so alone as I go through sadness and loneliness. ‘By now’ are two guilt filled words. ‘By Jesus’ helps me day by day. Have a beautiful birthday and Christmas!
You are a good person.
I have my own “by now…” and am praying for your, for yours.
Dearest Bonnie,
Today is my birthday also and I wanted to share with you one thing….YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I too have been through similar circumstances and one thing I can assure you of is that our Lord is with you just like He was with me. His promise to us is that He will NEVER leave us or FORSAKE us and this too shall pass. My one wish for today is that God helps speed your recovery from this because this is only another attack from our enemy. God promised us in Jeremiah 29:11 that He has GREAT plans for us and those plans do not included anxiety attacks my friend. Be strong, He will give you a new filling everyday, keep up your faith because our God can do anything! He will answer this prayer of mine because I humbly come before Him and ask according to His will…in the name of His Son Jesus Christ…AMEN!
The word I feel God has placed in me is “THANKFUL!” I am or should be THANKFUL for the things He has blessed me with. Yesterday a friend sent me this saying “God doesn’t call the equipped, He equips the called!” I feel we have to be THANKFUL that God is equipping us each day with the drive to make it through and bless others along the way.
Happy Birthday! Your heart is so courageous and so beautiful! Thank you for sharing your season of pain and healing and waiting. Oh, so much waiting!! Oh, how I know those words all to well. My timing and God’s timing our rarely the same! I remember time in my life where I thought of myself in the fire as the in the story of the blacksmith takes the silver out of the fire, at perfect time when it is beautiful. I remember saying to God, ” I am really ready to come out of this fire now, but I trust you will take me out when it is time.” I surrendered completely to Him at that very moment.
Tak
HOPE — and Happy Birthday!
Bonnie -
Birthday blessings to you my friend!
This may be one of your harder birthdays but down the road a piece, it may be the day that led you towards that corner that needed to be headed around full charge.
Know that you are special and that you can do this…one day at a time.
Birthday hugs from Jesus and me -
Linda
Shared on Facebook and Twitter…
I know your willingness to share your journey will help others.
http://lindaogbornwordpress.com/´s last [type] ..Hidden In My Heart…
Happy birthday, dear Bonnie. Life isn’t about the plot, but the character. So timelines–as much as we’d like them to be–aren’t the critical element. You keep walking it out, day by day. That takes courage. That takes strength. You’re showing both, in high measure. Much love to you, friend.
My one word: Jesus.
Lisa notes´s last [type] ..Are you losing your peace?
One word: worship. Amid all the stress, chaos, and busyness of the holiday season.
Ashley H.´s last [type] ..Dear Abby, You Shall Not Pass!
Two words for me. Redemption and Restoration. I don’t know my destination either, but I know the healing process is meant to accomplish wholeness in my life. This is so I can personally testify of God’s faithfulness to redeem and restore. While waiting I cling to Joel 2:25 and Isaiah 61..
Happy Birthday Bonnie! You are such a gift to us:)
Melinda´s last [type] ..Giving Hope
Peace Be Still & Know that I am says the Lord.
Blessings & Happy Birthday beautiful spirit. May you continue being you & a blessing to us all.
God Bless You!
Frecia
Bonnie,
Stay faithful….it is so much harder than people imagine…..He is with you….He never leaves….He always LOVES with a love we can even begin to understand….don’t underestimate that….
One word….”trust”….my word this year and going into this coming year is, until God changes it, “trust”. Trust for God’s providence for the challenges at hand and that I know and which cause me anxiousness(and those I don’t know) coming in the futures days and Trust for God’s ability to heal the hurts of the past. See…I look at your word of “faith” and, in my life, I struggle to see it as a stand alone word when I think of God. The “faith” chapter to which you reference when talking about Abraham has been one of my go to chapters when I need to be reminded that faith is never an action God does not honor or take lightly..never an action that God does not take and multiply in our hearts. So when I read that chapter and many others speaking of the faith of those examples God gives us in the bible my eyes read “by faith” but my heart reads “by faith Abraham trusted”….”by faith” (fill in the blank) “trusted.” So my word has been and I think will be until God knows that I can trust Him like I was not able to trust those in my own family…..will be “trust”….by faith…TRUST. Trust the next step, the next moment, the next panic attack, the next challenge and the next moment of peace and joy to the God whom you can put your faith in and not have it broken like human beings can so hurtfully break your faith in them.
God grant you “faith” to keep on “trusting” as you lay the “Isaac” of your heart in God’s hands on a moment by moment basis. God grant you this today on your birthday and every day to come.
Happy Happy Birthday Bonnie!!!
You are so right on in all that you write and we are all on this journey and so thankful for your friend/fellowship!
On Faith Hope and Love…
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13:13
The Greatest is LOVE!
And the Greatest Love is from God!
Have an exceptionally wonderful and blessed Birthday,
Cherie
Happy Birthday Bonnie!
I started walking with you on your journey awhile ago. You didn’t see me as I peeked in to see how you were doing, I was always wishing you well. I too have walked this path, sometimes it seems like I’ve been on it forever. I’ve learned many lessons on forgiveness, not only for the people who harmed me, but for myself. At times it seems Jesus was not there, little did I know He was always watching over me too, working on the path I needed to take, the one I couldn’t see myself.
Enjoy your birthday, you’re such a sweet person, take that frightened little girl you were by the hand, sit her down next to you and show her how to celebrate the day you came into this world~she need you and you need her. Celebrate, hold her hand and thank her for being so very brave and strong for you. God bless you both.
Happy birthday! Blessings. Praying for you today.
Happy Birthday Bonnie! I have thought of you so much. I pray you know the love that we are all sending. Thank you for being open and transparent. Allowing your words to speak to hearts that are also travelling what feels like a never ending road. You are brave and strong. You bring me hope and help me to be brave and strong as well.
Teresa´s last [type] ..to be absolutely honest
Happy Birthday!! I think the one word for me would be Grace. I one time had a dream that I was kneeling before Jesus but could not look directly at Him because the light was so bright! In the background I could hear angels singing “Amazing Grace.” I began to slowly sing the words myself. That was all I remember of the dream. So yeah, Grace would be the word.
I can understand your frustration, Bonnie, over “why am I still this way and when will it end?” I know that God is not going to have you going through this forever because it would be too debilitating. It’s not like Paul’s thorn in his side that God did not remove. I am pretty sure He is going to heal you, but you will retain a scar from all this. It will be just like a scar on our body that is there but not an obstacle to us anymore.
Whatever God is working out in your life will probably make sense at a later date. Have faith. You will eventually be healed and come into that wide expanse of Grace that I mentioned some time ago. You have to go through this for some reason that is only known to God and to some degree, you. But know that God needs you to go through this now, at this point in time, because you have the endurance to see it through to the end. Whatever it is, God will use this entire experience for His benefit as well as yours. So know that He is preparing you for something great, although it does not seem that way right now. And maybe strengthening you for whatever adversity might come your way in the future. So you will stand firm in your faith and not be moved.
Much love to you, Bonnie, and look for a blessing from our Dad today.
Happy Birthday, Bonnie!
My heart breaks for you and celebrates at the same time because God is pouring into your life and you are holding onto Him so tightly. Praise Him! I, too, have been thinking about one word, and I keep coming back to a phrase: “Celebrating Life Grace{Fully}–one day at a time.” Life can be celebrated through His grace each and every day. Continue to rest in Him.
Julie Sunne´s last [type] ..Cultivating the Humble, Imperfect Look {celebrating Christmas}
Happy Birthday Bonnie!
It’s so hard when we are walking through something to figure out why it takes so long. I don’t have the answer as to why God doesn’t just do it in a moment. I guess that’s why life is called a journey. We have to walk “through the valley” in order to get to the other side. The good news is, He always brings us through. Lifting you up in prayer!
My One Word has not yet been revealed to me for the coming year, but in this season of Advent and Christmas, I’ve been focused on the art of surrender.
Blessings!
Barbie´s last [type] ..This Christmas, There Is Hope
Well another timely post. It’s wild as I’m journeying this road. There are days I think I’m so glad I’m finally headed in the right direction to healing this wound that I can’t even describe but I recognize by my behaviors and actions and crazy thoughts! I need some healin. So I rejoice, so I should be finished with this when………..?
Obviously it’s not gonna be my time scale, and on my good days I don’t want it to be. But those hard days I say. By now!!!!!?
It’s always a comfort knowing you are not walking this journey alone and we are able to cheer each other on!
Cause By FAITH HE will finish His great works in Us all!
Thanks again for sharing:)
KK
Rejoice!
Marina´s last [type] ..My Post-Thanksgiving Post