I knew it was time.
I wanted to get rid of as much stuff as I could. Otherwise, nothing would change.
My drawers would stay stuffed with stuff — that I haven’t had time to process.
Everything seemed fine — unless I needed to find something. In which case, a four bell alarm would start sounding and everyone in the house would have to pray for mommy to find whatever she was looking for.
My house would stand as I was feeling inside: frozen.
It was, as I said in my earlier post, approaching the end of the year.
I had come to accept that looking back, it had been nine months since I had my first panic attack.
And I had also come to face the reality that healing was not going to happen on my timetable.
As much as I fought against the notion, I came to understand — with the clarity of a new year starting without my complete healing — I am going to have to do life differently.
Recovering from post-traumatic stress is the journey of my heart’s homecoming. Parts of me that have been frozen are finally coming home.
I’ve guarded my heart so capably and so well that it has taken pain to touch it back to life again.
I needed to make room for this heart that Jesus is calling back to life again.
I needed to stand up for this heart of mine — and make some deep and radical changes — so that it can say, “Yes.”
Little did I know, saying “Yes” to my heart comes at a cost.
Because saying yes means I will have to say no…
To be continued…
“Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No'” Matthew 5:37
Do you find it easy or difficult to say yes to your heart?
How is God calling you to say yes to your heart?
Pull up a chair. This post was not easy for me to write. But, having you stop by and share always lifts my heart.
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