Bonnie Gray
  • Stories
  • Soul Care Quiz
  • Breathe Podcast
  • Books
    • See All Bonnie Gray Books and Resources
    • Breathe: 21 Ways to Stress Less
    • Sweet Like Jasmine
    • Whispers of Rest Book
    • Finding Spiritual Whitespace
  • About
  • Speaking
  • Contact

Getting Unstuck In a Rut — A Place of Honesty

By Bonnie Gray • June 2, 2010 • 22 Comments

I was recently talking to a friend who was a bit down.

He felt stuck in a rut, too tired to think about changing anything and yet, wishing things were different.

“Have you thought about joining a new small group at church?  Maybe it will inject some ideas.”

“Yeah… thought about that…”  He pauses.  I wait.  His eyes look tired. “I doubt it would help.”

“Well… it doesn’t hurt to try… You never know…”  I tread carefully, trying not to oversimplify his predicament, still gently encouraging.

“It’s actually worse, if I try… ‘Cuz then, I might get my hopes up…  Then, I’ll end up getting disappointed.”

Have you ever felt like my friend?  

— Stuck in no man’s land — wishing things were different, yet wary of putting yourself out there to get let down… again?

Stalled

There are many reasons we end up stuck in a rut.

~  We freeze up because we’re at a fork in the road — with neither path more inviting than the other.

~  We’ve drawn a line down the middle of our paper, labeled one side “Pros” and the other side “Cons” — and end up with both sides with an even list of bullet points (it’s amazing how creative we can get, heh?)

~  We’re taking the time for letting go and saying goodbye to yesterday’s summers.   But, where we do we go from here?

These quiet seasons are necessary and good for gathering comfort.

We are also vulnerable during these transitions to grow too comfortable with safety.

Stalled.

It’s natural to feel this way when we’re in the middle of yesterday and tomorrow.

The List That Was Too Long

I had constructed a safe world for some time, choosing to lay low and make as few big changes as possible.  I was healing from a bad “breakup” with my mom, lost some friends post-college and post-ministry, and I wasn’t quite sure where God was taking me next.

If I had been “wrong” about so many decisions I thought were right, what was to say I couldn’t be wrong again?

I wanted to be dead-sure God was saying “Yes” before I charted the next leg of my journey.

God allowed me to stay stalled in this strange place of reticence for a while.

Then, it struck me one night when I was away at a conference  —

I am keeping a longer list of bad things that happened to me than the list of the good.

I wish I could tell you that I quickly whipped out a sheet of paper and started scribbling all the wonderful things that started filling my head.

The opposite happened.

I was flooded with everything I was discontented with, things that hurt me.  My head swirled with why, why, why.

The Place of Honesty

Everyone comes to their point of need differently.  For me — before I could truly feel that the good in my life numbered more than the bad — God had me first come to terms with everything bad I had experienced.

I was used to “moving on” quickly about things that got me down.

This time, God allowed me to come to a place of honesty — where I was disappointed and just not sure what to do next.

In that place of vulnerability, I realized what I needed to get unstuck.

What if I completely trusted God again?

As I looked back on what might have been, I hungered for the freedom to look forward to what could be in the future.

An Act of Trust

A month ago, I issued a Faith Barista challenge for readers to write on the topic of “What If”.  There were many inspiring entries, one of which I’d like to share today.

An excerpt written by Glynn Young over at Faith, Fiction and Friends brought me back to that important turning point–

I realized I no longer wanted to look back, but I dared to draw a line in the sand — and asked God to help me trust Him again.  Completely.

Asking What If was my act of trust.

What Might Have Been, Or What If
By Glynn Young

It is an act of courage
to ask what if;

It is an act of self-deception
to ask what might have been.

One looks forward, one looks backward;
both are ways to view the world.

Both are ways to understand one’s soul.

What if creates possibility;
what might have been celebrates regret.

What if grasps the thought of
what could be, what might be;

what might have been is gripped
by the memory of what never was.

My relationship with God took a 180 degree turn, the moment I turned to Him with my What-Might-Have-Beens. And He freed me to start learning to live by faith again.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,
so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
2  Corinthians 12:9, 10

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”  John 8:32

 

How do you get unstuck in a rut?

What encourages you to regain trust in God and move forward with the unknown?

faithseekingtrust

Share With Others

Share Your Voice

Pull up a Chair

This is a quiet space for you and me. I'd love to hear your thoughts. Click to comment »

22 Comments

Get Faith Shots

Get each post served up hot and fresh in your mailbox.

[newsletter_signup_form id=0]

Putting Up A New Fence: Learn to Say Yes and No
6 Ways To Invest In Everyday Joy

Connect with Me

Bonnie Gray

Welcome to Faith Barista – a blog that serves up shots of faith for everyday life. Posts brewed hot & fresh. Hang out. Swap some stories.

You Might Also Like

  • Never Been Kissed: When You Wonder If You’ll Ever Find “The One”

  • How to Choose Joy When Joy Seems Easy for Others But Hard for You

  • What A Vet Taught Me About My Personal Battles (10 Lessons From Vietnam)

  • If You’re Stressed About The Election: God’s 5 Powerful Promises To Encourage You

22 Comments

  • Reply Tweets that mention New Post-- Getting Unstuck -- The Place Of Honesty How I got to the good... -- Topsy.com June 2, 2010 at 2:24 pm

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by FaithBarista, FaithBarista. FaithBarista said: New Post– Getting Unstuck — The Place Of Honesty http://bit.ly/9IvrBc How I got to the good… […]

  • Reply laura June 2, 2010 at 7:15 pm

    I’ve been here. And probably will be again. Funny thing, at the time, I didn’t even realize it was a trust issue. I was just down, discouraged. For me, it did take a deliberate decision. Jumping in with both feet. I think we’ve all been there a time or two, Bonnie. You describe it well.

    And, what great words from Glynn.

    SmwaaacK! That’s me, coming unstuck!
    .-= laura´s last blog ..Parachute: Learning to Fly =-.

    • Reply Bonnie Gray June 2, 2010 at 8:33 pm

      Deliberate jumping in with both feet! A great way to get unstuck, Laura! btw, I enjoyed your post today!

  • Reply kingfisher June 2, 2010 at 8:25 pm

    I’ve felt stuck sometimes, too. Usually when I’m not feeling well, and just feel overwhelmed by life. At such times, it’s easy to remember the “hard times” and disappointments, but not the great blessings. I usually try to tell myself it’s my body-chemistry and I need to rest more and maybe take a higher dose of some of my medicines. I try very hard to counter the “what’s the useys” by quoting Scripture, praising God for his incredible goodness and mightiness. Sometimes all it takes to give me a more positive outlook is my friendly cat wanting to be petted — some days she’s just a tad aloof, but it’s amazing how if I moan and groan, or even cry, she comes to get a chin rub. I do subscribe to a number of devotional e-mails and Christian blogs, and sometimes one of them is exactly what I need in order to find the hope to go on.

    • Reply Bonnie Gray June 2, 2010 at 8:34 pm

      We are so hard on our bodies, sometimes — aren’t we? … I like the picture of you petting your cat… and smiling. 🙂 We receive bread for the day…

  • Reply Brett Barner June 3, 2010 at 7:27 am

    Love the poem at the end. Great stuff, Bonnie!
    .-= Brett Barner´s last blog ..For the Love of the Game: A Lesson in Sportsmanship and Starting a Movement =-.

    • Reply Bonnie Gray June 3, 2010 at 7:33 pm

      Glynn did a great job!

  • Reply Jay Cookingham June 3, 2010 at 7:58 am

    Awesome post, so many wonderful thoughts. When I make list like you mention I always add this…”but God meant it for good.” That has helped me get back on track many. many times.

    Blessings,
    Jay
    .-= Jay Cookingham´s last blog ..Beach Musings – Joy =-.

    • Reply Bonnie Gray June 3, 2010 at 7:34 pm

      That is a great promise, Jay, to hold onto… to shift our focus back on God’s intentions towards us. Thanks!

  • Reply David @ Red Letter Believers June 3, 2010 at 9:29 am

    When you talk about “moving on quickly” that’s me. I just want to get the bad stuff behind me and get on with the good stuff. But that’s not being honest. That’s not being real. Because I’m missing out on the lesson. “The rut” can actually be a place to learn and love, to find hope and zeal again for the rest of life.

    So, next I’m in a rut, maybe I’ll just look around at the view for a while and see what I can absorb.

    David, http://www.redletterbelievers.com
    .-= David @ Red Letter Believers´s last blog ..Dear John =-.

    • Reply Bonnie Gray June 3, 2010 at 7:36 pm

      Being real holds more value because we eventually end up at the same place… Thanks for sharing.

  • Reply Kristine McGuire June 3, 2010 at 9:55 am

    I have also “been there, done that” as far as being stuck in a rut. I think for me taking that leap of faith into the unknown (even if it’s only starting with a baby leap of a coffee table before moving to something larger) is at least a way to get the forward momentum of faith and trust ignited again. Great post Bonnie 😀
    .-= Kristine McGuire´s last blog ..Talk To Da Hand! =-.

    • Reply Bonnie Gray June 3, 2010 at 7:36 pm

      LOL. I like the jumping off the coffee table. I can do that!

  • Reply jasonS June 3, 2010 at 2:57 pm

    Definitely felt this way before. Feeling stuck is no good! Sometimes it’s just the season we are in, but it is only supposed to be a season not for our entire lives. Thanks for a great post, Bonnie.
    .-= jasonS´s last blog ..4 Reasons to Quit Stalling & Go for It =-.

    • Reply Bonnie Gray June 3, 2010 at 7:37 pm

      Exactly. Too long is not good. Loved your post today, Jason! EXCELLENT!

  • Reply Rachel @ the science of music June 3, 2010 at 3:04 pm

    Good food for thought, Bonnie. I’ve been trying to think of an answer for the question you posed and I don’t have one. All I can think of is the law of inertia – specifically, the part that says that an object at rest remains at rest until an outside force acts on it. I don’t know how that relates, except maybe that I have to trust God that He will give me a kick in the pants at the time that I need it. Which knowing how my life has worked out so far, is also when I least expect it.
    .-= Rachel @ the science of music´s last blog ..these dirty shoes =-.

    • Reply Bonnie Gray June 3, 2010 at 7:38 pm

      Now, the idea of momentum & inertia would be a great post, Rachel. It’s just logical — to inject an outside force — in order to propel momentum. Perfect for an object that wants to be in motion! 🙂

      • Reply Rachel @ the science of music June 4, 2010 at 9:24 am

        This morning, I realized why inertia came to mind. When we’re stuck in that rut, we can’t get out by ourselves. It takes an outside force (God) to get us going again.

        And you’re right – it would make a great post. I’d love to see what you can do with that! =)
        .-= Rachel @ the science of music´s last blog ..these dirty shoes =-.

  • Reply Katie June 5, 2010 at 4:11 am

    Thank you for this post! Yes I have been stuck in rut like others have. What got me out was reaching the lowest point and realizing the only way to get out was to change me and trust God with areas I had kept hidden deep inside my heart. It was the hardest and best thing for me to do. I am still trying to navigate the unstuck, because it is not safe and familiar to me like being stuck was. I think I stayed stuck for so long because it was what I knew even if it was not good for me.
    .-= Katie´s last blog ..Katie’s World =-.

  • Reply Wanda June 5, 2010 at 4:40 pm

    I love the poem at the end. Thanks for sharing this really made me think.
    .-= Wanda´s last blog ..Interesting Finds =-.

  • Reply Bev McDougal June 6, 2010 at 9:18 am

    The word picture of getting stuck in a rut is all to real in this part of the world, with a high proportion of gumbo, gravel roads. Our first instinct is to go backwards, all too often resulting in a deeper rut and keeping us for getting where we should be. We should, instead, be dealing with how to move forward, because, even if we get “unstuck” by going backwards, we still have to visit that same miry place again.
    Going forward, of course , involves learning why we got stuck in the first place. Trust comes when we realize that we aren’t stuck anymore, but there are just as many ruts ahead. We go on, trusting in a God greater than the god of our own intellect to guide us forward. His path, though not rut free, will get us to our destination with safety and peace.

  • Reply Dee June 6, 2010 at 2:29 pm

    Trusting again…never thought about being stuck in a rut as not trusting, but I guess it is. These are good food for thought. Thanks.

Leave a Reply Cancel Reply

Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. You can also subscribe without commenting.

SUBSCRIBE TO MY BLOG

Sign up to refresh your soul with God’s love and rest. I’ll send you encouragement to nurture your heart and wellbeing. I’ll cheer you on!

SUBSCRIBE NOW»

Pull up a chair. Refresh your soul. Be inspired with soul care, stories & encouragement here. Breathe. This is a quiet space to swap some stories. Share your journey. Be the beloved. Be you. Serving up shots of faith for everyday life.
Bonnie Gray

“Bonnie has often led the way to freedom and truth by going there first herself. Her ability to invite us in as readers into our own stories only makes this world a better, more healed place.” 

– Annie F. Downs, New York Times bestselling author of That Sounds Fun

“If you’ve ever been weary and needed room to breathe, then Bonnie Gray is the guide you’ve been looking for as you journey with Jesus to a new place of peace and freedom in your life.” 

Holley Gerth, Wall Street Journal bestselling author of The Powerful Power of Introverts

Order Now »

LISTEN TO BONNIE’S BREATHE PODCAST

VOTED 2022 CHRISTIAN BOOK AWARD FINALIST BY ECPA

“In a world crying out for kindess and belonging, this is a book needed for our times. Sweet Like Jasmine is a gift, a beautiful remembrance, that God treasures each of our broken hearts in His sweeping story of redemption.” 

– Ann Voskamp, New York Times bestselling author of The Broken Way

Order Now »

BONNIE IS A TRUSTED VOICE TO SO MANY – FEATURED ON

Archives

Compassion International Blogger

Compassion International Blogger

Sometimes it takes more faith for us to enter into a child's story than simply praying that it changes. Experience these stories unscripted.

Read the stories»

Facebook Twitter Google Plus Instagram RSS Pinterest
Bonnie Gray

Contact

© 2018 Bonnie Gray. All rights reserved. Website by Contemplate Design | Privacy Policy
Bonnie Gray
  • Stories
  • Soul Care Quiz
  • Breathe Podcast
  • Books
  • About
  • Speaking
  • Contact