“He didn’t tell me
how to live; he lived,
and let me watch him do it.”~ Clarence Budington Kelland
Is Father’s Day worth remembering when you don’t have a daddy?
Since my daddy left when I was five, I’ve never really had a hard time with Father’s Day.
I described it to my friends this way whenever they asked if it was sad growing up without a one.
I don’t feel anything.
It’s probably like being born without a limb. You can’t miss what you’ve never had.
Now, that I’m not a kid any more, I don’t have to lie.
It was sad — because I can never know what it’s like to have a daddy.
A Little Too Strong
I don’t recall the exact question I asked my mom. But, I remember her words, like it was yesterday.
My mother told me to cope this way, “Just think of yourself as being born without a dad. Some fathers die when babies are born and they grow up just fine.”
I know she meant well. She didn’t want me to stumble. It did make me stronger. A little too strong maybe. I never felt the pain of a missing father. I felt nothing.
I made a detour around the place inside that wanted a father. I didn’t think I needed to be vulnerable, held, or carried. To feel this way was a sign of weakness and limitation.
A Beautiful Possession
Being loved by a daddy is like having the sun kiss your nose, while you’re eating sweet strawberries in one hand and running through the sprinklers with laughter in the other.
You don’t need it. But, it can change your world.
A father worth remembering makes the pang of missing someone a beautiful possession.
Since coming into my own, I’ve learned that having arms to crawl into, shoulders to ride on, and a soft place to land are birthrights Jesus paid for me to own.
To feel this way is a sign of belonging and blessing.
It’s what everyone truly wants.
A person can die poor spending everything that has value chasing after such freedom.
Not us. When we embrace God as our Father, we are finally free to discover who we really are.
Celebrate The Day
— If you’re blessed enough to have a father to call your daddy:
I’m so very happy for you. Celebrate the day, look into his eyes, as you hand him a gift or a card, and say his name.
Here Daddy. This is for you.
— If you’re like me, without a daddy:
Still celebrate.
As we read the cards meant for others, read them the way I do at the card store. Read them quietly in your heart to our Father God. It might make you cry a little, but imagine the smile on our Heavenly Papa’s face.
Send words of appreciation to a friend who is a daddy. Don’t forget your spouse.
— For all the fathers reading this:
Love harder, even if it costs you everything you have.
You can never lose who you are. You will find yourself in the hearts of the children you love — along with the Father who lovingly carries you all the way, until you are home.
I’d like to close by sharing one of my all-time favorite verses. It’s a promise that takes my breath away, every time I read it. Because I know it’s true.
~~~~~
“Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he,
I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
I will sustain you and I will rescue you.”
~ God (Isaiah 46:4)
~~~~~
Happy Father’s Day.
What does Father’s Day mean to you?
[ Today’s post is dedicated to my husband, whose fathering makes me long for my Heavenly Papa. Thank you for giving yourself in so many ways. You are making a difference in our lives, the kind that lasts into eternity. ]
Photo By Photobucket.
37 Comments
My daddy came and took me to dinner while I was at the hospital with my husband this. He has not been part of my life much til this last couple of years when I learned to forgive him for leaving. I am crying as I read this. He made me laugh and took care of me.
.-= Katie´s last blog ..Thank you everyone! =-.
Amazing, your forgiveness. So touching, your father is there for you now.
This is so beautiful, Bonnie. I love your heart and words…the way you let God take you by the hand and say, “Here is the way I see your story.” And then you lead us to Him as well with every word.
.-= Holley Gerth´s last blog ..God-sized dreams…you can do more than you know =-.
Thank you, Holley!
Your words are so healthy! God does fill in the gap in many ways. There are many losses that we need to compensate for, and He is there to help us with that. Fathers’ Day is a time for gratitude for that special love a lot take for granted. It’s a time when I remember my Dad–the huge, strong man who cultivated beautiful roses. Now that I am more mature, I wish I had realized what that said. Even though there was trouble with alcohol in my family when I was a teenager, and that made my life difficult, I wish I’d had the maturity to see beyond the ugliness and see the beauty that was also there. A friend told me recently that she always wondered how this very masculine man could do such a tender thing like raise beautiful roses. I know now he was trying everything he could to please my mother. She was ashamed of him because he had rough ways. It’s unfortunate that we often look to others for our self worth instead of looking to God. And…that’s where we veer from the healthy path. I remember caring for my father as he was aging, and at some point seeing a huge angel with very large wings. Of course, I didn’t really ‘see’ wings. My artistic mind sketched them in; and like Michelangelo, I saw the angel in the stone so to speak. I remember that when I think of my Dad–faults and all–he was my angel in many ways. Thanks for getting us to reflect on this. I could go on about my wonderful husband and son, but I’ll stop here for now. God bless you and keep you, dear young friend.
Dee, may you continue to see with our artistic eyes. The two “boys” in your life are now blessed by that vision. Thank you for sharing your tender father’s story with us.
Bonnie, This truly spoke to my heart today. I lost my father three months ago. We had a complicated relationship, but I loved him deeply. I’m thankful how you’ve given me a fresh focus for this Sunday. I’m going to be thanking God all day.
Also, thanks for stopping by my blog. You have something special here.
~ Wendy
.-= Wendy´s last blog ..One Question Friday =-.
Wendy, you are blessed to have that pang of having loved a daddy. Happy Father’s Day, as you remember him this first Father’s day “away”. May God comfort you with beautiful memories.
Thank you sweetie! I am honored to be part of this special message.
Love,
Your Hubby
Oh Bonnie this was beautiful!
It’s so obvious that the Lord is opening your heart more and more. Too often in life we cover our hearts with layers to prevent us from hurting. I’ve found that the closer I grow in my relationship with the Lord, the safer it is to be real.
I have a harder time with Mother’s Day since my mom died five years ago and I was unable to have children.
Father’s Day has always been a good day for me. You see, I was fortunate enough to have a dad who was able to express his love for me since I was a baby. He was far from perfect and over the years we have had our issues but …I never once doubted his love for me.
As I learn of other women’s childhoods, I realize this is rare. For that, I am so grateful. But I want to be sensitive to those who didn’t have that same experience.
I love your suggestions for celebrating Father’s Day for those who had a different experience than mine. And I love how you look to the Only One Perfect Father; our Abba Daddy. He loves each one of us perfectly. Run to Him!
Hugs and love,
Debbie
.-= Debbie´s last blog ..Friday Photo Flashback ~ 1953 =-.
What a wonderful legacy your daddy has left you. You have that place inside you that does not doubt a father’s love!
Bonnie…awesome tribute. I think you know this but it bears telling.
Your heavenly Father loves you desperately and completely…everything about you delights Him.
His focus is never off you, His care for you never wavers and He wants you to know that you are His daughter.
He is so very proud of you.
Blessings,
Jay
.-= Jay Cookingham´s last blog ..Faith Heroes – A Classroom with Heart =-.
Thank you, Jay!
What a great post. I love that you regularly show your heart. Now to go call my dad. 🙂
.-= bman´s last blog ..A Missions Conference =-.
Yes! Call him! 😉
beautiful.
Bless you, Patricia and your sweet son!
My father died when I was in high school. He left a legacy of love – love for others and love for God. Whenever I start to miss him, I think about the visitation night at the funeral home. It was scheduled to last for two hours – and we were there for three and a half. At one point, the line of people coming by was out the door of the funeral home and down the sidewalk. Everyone had the same story to share – how he helped this person, prayed for that one, lived his faith. When I think about that, I am encouraged to to my best to have the same kind of impact on others. Which only comes about by leaning on my heavenly father.
Yesterday, I recieved a letter from someone on my dad’s side of the family. I don’t even know how we’re related, but that happens when your grandmother is one of 15 kids. 🙂 Anyway, inside was a handful of pictures from my parent’s wedding. I was in tears – the good kind. To see my dad, so young and vibrant, and so in love with my mother, it was like a father’s day gift to me. I know I will see him again some day. Until then, I can honor him by living like he did. By living a life dependent on God.
I can’t be sad this father’s day because I don’t have a father. I’m rejoicing because I did.
.-= Rachel @ the science of music´s last blog ..Cooking up Trouble =-.
“I can’t be sad this father’s day because I don’t have a father. I’m rejoicing because I did.” What an incredible Father’s Day gift you have in those photos! Unbelievable. So happy for you, Rachel!
I grew up without a dad. The baggage I carried around lasted until just about a couple of years ago or so. Long story short, but I had to sift through all the lies just to find the truth. My mom left me (later, I left her…like I said…long story) and I went in search of my father for answers. I grew up with a hole in me not realizing God was waiting for me to acknowledge Him as my Father. I found my father through the phone directory and we reunited after 30+ years in 2008.
You grieve for a while what you never had in the first place and then like all grief it slowly heals with God’s love and grace.
Your “long story short” took a lot of heart, grieving, and healing. God bless you for everything you went through to reconnect with your father. Your story is amazing testimony. Thank you for sharing.
Beautiful post, Bonnie!
.-= Chrystie´s last blog ..Even When The Rain Comes… =-.
Thanks, Chyrstie!
My mom’s dad was killed in World War II on her first birthday, and I’ll never forget our first trip to the cemetery in France where he was buried, knowing that this was the first time she had been close to his body since her babyhood. I’ve ached for her. I think you said it so well, “You don’t need it. But, it can change your world.”
I’m so glad that you can enjoy your own husband being daddy. That must be especially beautiful for you, and I hope it’s healing, too.
.-= Becky Ramsey´s last blog ..What’s In A Name? =-.
Then, you’ve seen how important a father is, no matter how young we are when we are without them. Thank you for sharing, Becky.
Thank you for posting this. My father passed away three years ago when I was nineteen. It has not been an easy road learning to rely on my Heavenly Father the way I did my earthly dad. But I have come to the place now where I am more blessed and loved than I ever thought possible. I love that God knows His children so well and knows exactly what we need all the time. He has brought me closer to my uncle in the past year and a half, blessing me again with the earthly love of a father figure that He knows I still need. Yesterday I bought a father’s day card for my uncle to let him know how much he means to me. God is my sustainer and provider in all things, and when I had learned to trust him and love him as the eternal Father, the one who will never leave me, He turned around and gave me back some of what the enemy had taken. He is my yesterday, today, and forever, and He is the Father I can never lose.
.-= Hadassah Fey´s last blog ..Whether I like it or not. . . =-.
Haddassah, this is still a very tender and raw memory you are sharing here. You are very blessed that you can already see, just 3 years later — your Heavenly Father’s hand in bringing back to you what the enemy has stolen. I hope you will continue to lean into Him.
Beautiful, Bonnie. This post and your dear heart. I love you!
.-= Kristen@Moms Sharpening Moms´s last blog ..Dog Days Of Summer =-.
You are beautiful, Bonnie. Our families come in all shapes and sizes, don’t they? I love how you’ve decided to celebrate fathers and Father. I’m celebrating my birth father, whom I love deeply, my husband, who is an amazing father to our children and our Father in Heaven.
Thank you for such a beautiful post.
.-= Heather Sunseri´s last blog ..Where In The World Am I (Part III) =-.
I’m sad to hear of your growing up without a father but oftentimes there are facts of life that we must accept. There are those who have father’s but did not play the part. Perhaps we should be thankful that we have a heavenly father who gave us life. After this life, we will come back to Him just like a long lost child. 🙂
” I made a detour around the place inside that wanted a father. I didn’t think I needed to be vulnerable, held, or carried. To feel this way was a sign of weakness and limitation.” This is exactly what I did! It took me many years and lots of heartache before realizing I really did miss having a dad and I was trying to fill it with everything except Abba, who was lovingly waiting. Humanly, my story sounds sad. I never knew my father, didn’t know or carry his name even. I did learn his name and learned where he lived-2 months after he died. But in His love , God allowed this so I could meet his wife who did all she could to tell me who my dad was on the inside. Even tho I did not meet my father while he was still alive, God allowed me to find out even better news….my father loved the Lord, served Him, and now I know I will meet him one day. It has totally changed how I feel about Fathers Day! Thank you for
being vulnerable and sharing your story!
Your words are powerful.
Your story so similar to mine.
God bless you.
my father was abusive.
i saw much and at 4 years old knew i never wanted to marry if that’s how marriage is.
after 17 years my mother left him and took my sisters and myself 2,000 miles away. in the next 18 years i spoke with him a total of a few minutes and saw him twice. he didn’t recognize me.
enter Jesus Christ.
he changed my heart and began a journey of transformation in my life.
i married at 30. we have one child. 20. i am now 52.
i *tap danced*, hoping my father would notice me.
i forgave.
i attempted to cultivate a father-daughter relationship,
ultimately realizing it’s on his terms alone.
he wasn’t interested in my life.
his actions were clear and showed his hard heart.
he’s 81 tomorrow.
4 weeks ago he disowned me.
he doesn’t realize how his actions
can have a direct effect on a life being lived.
namely, his daughter’s life.
i’m numb. oddly hurting.
“you can’t miss what you never had”
says it all.
my Lord is my Father.
period.
.-= jAne´s last blog ..progress & pumpkins =-.
[…] This Someone is my Abba Father, who scooped me up when I felt abandoned. […]
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[…] That’s because since the age of five, I’ve grown up without one. […]
It is hard for my children, especially my two girls, to have anything to do with their father. They watched him turn into an abusive heroine addict. My youngest hardly remembers what he looks like. She tells people she doesn’t have a father. But they have a wonderful grandfather who has stepped into the father role for them.
My children do pray for their father and do know that God is the father for all of us.