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Emotional Rest: Are You Afraid To Tell Yourself The Truth?

By Bonnie Gray • March 24, 2011 • 43 Comments

When emotions don’t line up with what you believe, how do you resolve rest?

One thing my boys always beg me for is “tickle time”.

For some strange reason, both two year CJ and five year TJ love being tortured by tickles until they’re racked with silent gasps for air. To keep it fairly amusing, I’ve developed a menu of tickles. Some of my most lethal moves are The Hamburger Tickle (I trap them between two pillows) and The Go-To-Jail Tickle (My limbs become the human body cuff).

They shout out their tickle requests by name, hollering into an invisible drive-thru intercom. But I do not cave in.

Because to score a really good tickle, you can’t command it to be done. I’m sure you’ve tried this before.

You can’t tickle yourself.

It’s true. A study has even been done to prove we can’t tickle ourselves. Our brain doesn’t let us. Tickling must be done by someone else.

Emotional rest works the same way.

The ultimate way to experience emotional rest isn’t fighting our way to capture or achieve it.

Our souls were designed to receive rest.

God designed the human heart hungering to be understood and accepted.

The Last Cup

We all cry out for someone when we experience emotional stress.

We don’t want advice. No I-told-you-so. And we certainly don’t need any thou-shalts.

Deep inside us lies the propensity to worry about what others think or when the other shoe will drop. We wonder how our ham-and-cheese-sandwich lives will make a difference. For some who face extra hardship, we wonder how we can best survive the pressures.

If we’re human, the needs in this earthly life will always take up our last cup of rest.

I once mistakenly thought that having witnessed my share of Red Sea partings by God, I “should know” better and not get stressed out so easily.

What’s wrong with me? Why don’t I have enough faith? I’d badger myself.

The truth was that I was unwilling to tell myself the truth. How I really felt. What I really thought. I just shoved them into a closet labeled “disbelief” and plopped myself down for a cup of tea, wearing the “I believe God can do anything” sweatshirt.

Then, I waited for rest to rain down on me.

Instead, stress continued to build.

I forgot what God really wanted from me.

What God Wanted

God did want me to believe He could do anything.

He wanted me to believe that Jesus could give me rest — in my weary and weak.

Me? I believed Jesus could give me rest, only if I didn’t struggle with being weary and weak.

This is why Jesus was so completely off the map when He came on the scene and told everyone —

“Come to Me,
all who are weary and heavy-laden, and
I will give you rest.”
~Jesus Matt.11:28

Before Jesus showed up, everyone was doing just fine following the law and doing what they were supposed to be doing. Some even followed the commandments to the “S” when it came to keeping the Sabbath.

The truth was that everyone had never tasted real, inner rest. They knew how to do rest, but they never experienced true rest with a capital J.

Where fears, worries and doubts mess up the beds of rest — Jesus enters.

“Come.”

Jesus doesn’t tell us to de-stress or learn a lesson.

Instead, Jesus makes a beeline to sit on our bed of burdens, with a cup of rest in one hand extended to you and me.

Rest isn’t something we can create.

It is a gift Jesus gives when we draw near to Him in our stress and strivings.

This isn’t always an easy thing — telling ourselves the truth. Because we like to go into hiding.

Par For The Course

I was leading a 30’s singles ministry at the time, having graduated as a pastoral intern, when I encountered my greatest personal perfect storm.

One day, I just couldn’t pretend I was okay. I confided in a pastor, Carol, who I was serving alongside, expecting her to tell me to take time off ministry or start counseling me.

After hearing me unload, she was flabbergasted, “Geez. I can’t believe what you’ve had to go through. No wonder you’re so stressed!” We burst out laughing like crazy.

We went out to lunch that day, which turned into a weekly habit. Our partnership in ministry transformed into an amazing friendship.

My friend Carol didn’t volunteer advice or try to fix anything. She saw my struggles as par for the course of faith. I tasted first hand the rest that the Apostle Paul expressed to Philemon —

“Yes, brother, let me benefit from you in the Lord ;
refresh (rest) my heart in Christ.”
~ Paul, Philemon 1:20

Turns out Jesus delivers His gift of rest when we receive each other, too. Whenever we share the deep things that burden our hearts — or allow others to share — we find God’s rest through each other.

No pressure to force Sabbath on anyone. We remember that Sabbath is Jesus, the Person who is already with us.

Try it. You may find yourself laughing. After all, a heart at rest is easy target to get tickled.

 

~~~~~

How do you experience emotional rest?

How has Jesus or others brought you to a place of emotional rest?


Pull up a chair. Click to share a comment or subscribe by email.

~~~~~

*We’re in an ongoing series in March — Whitespace: Restoring Rest. Check out our topic for today and next week’s!

*** NOW, IT’S YOUR TURN — FAITH BARISTA JAM! ***

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Faith Barista Jam Thursdays — I serve up a topic of faith, you write the post. Let’s encourage each other. Add your voice. Swap our stories.

Today’s Topic 3/24:
Share how you experience emotional rest.

Share your post by clicking on the blue button below “Add Your Link” or just comment directly.

Next Thursday’s Topic 3/31:

Share how you do “Whitespace” — How do you spend time with God and experience spiritual rest?

Approach it any way you feel inspired! Only required ingredient: keep it real. Thanks for serving your personal brews!

Build the Keep Fresh Fresh Community: Link back to Faith Barista or Grab the HTML Code For March’s Special Restoring Rest Faith Jam Badge

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An InLinkz Link-up


It’s a jam session. As time allows, say hi & drop a comment when visiting the community faith blends!

~~~~~

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43 Comments

  • Reply Glynn March 24, 2011 at 4:21 am

    One of the fastest ways I know to get emotional rest is to tickle my grandson. He laughs, I laugh at him laughing, we both dissolve. I’m going to have to remember the hamburger tickle and the go-to-jail tickle.

    • Reply Bonnie Gray March 24, 2011 at 2:12 pm

      They are THE best moves. Hands down.

  • Reply Lisa notes... March 24, 2011 at 4:42 am

    “Our souls were designed to receive rest.”

    To receive it, not grab it. Too often I try to orchestrate it for myself, instead of receive it. I’ll think about this today! Thanks, Bonnie.

    • Reply ed cyzewski March 24, 2011 at 5:18 am

      Great blog post Bonnie and great point Lisa. I think I want to create rest for myself and for others, rather than trusting God to lead me to it. I mean, that’s what a shepherd does right? Sometimes I wear myself out trying to grab the shepherds staff from him…

      • Reply Jaime March 30, 2011 at 6:34 am

        I love this comment. I cannot express how much I have needed the rest that has come from reading this blog, and the replies offer just as much!

        Thanks, Bonnie, for your post.

    • Reply Bonnie Gray March 24, 2011 at 2:13 pm

      Rest is a bit like romance, come to think of it. You can’t orchestrate it. Love that, Lisa.

  • Reply Melissa March 24, 2011 at 5:03 am

    I agree. When I spend quality time with my husband or another friend–talking about real things rather than just about daily fluff–it’s very restorative. In fact, just this morning I told my husband, “I wish we could stay here all day.” I was feeling so stressed that I just need that concentrated time with him.

    As I just commented on Lisa’s blog, I’m so glad that you chose this topic. I’ve only read two posts so far and, although we’ve all approached it differently, in a way we’ve all ended up at the same point. (Or maybe I’m just still sleepy. :))

    • Reply Bonnie Gray March 24, 2011 at 2:14 pm

      It’s the ultimate luxury – having a relationship where you can get restored by simply decompressing, as you are. I am lovin’ our jam too, Melissa!

  • Reply We Find Rest When We Serve with Others | :: in.a.mirror.dimly :: March 24, 2011 at 5:29 am

    […] more thoughts on rest, check out Bonnie Gray’s post on Emotional Rest. Share and […]

  • Reply Melissa March 24, 2011 at 5:38 am

    Beautiful post, Bonnie! I so love your heart and the way you reveal the Christ in you as reality. As with all of God’s gifts — love, forgiveness, healing, deliverance, salvation, peace and rest, etc. — none can be taken or earned, only given and received — by grace, through faith. Blessings always! 🙂

    PS I just had the thought that the reason we like to be tickled is because it represents the relentless love that we all need and thirst for.

    • Reply Bonnie Gray March 24, 2011 at 2:15 pm

      Melissa, love your PS! It’s super neat thinking why we laugh as a response to being tickled.

  • Reply Kelli March 24, 2011 at 5:42 am

    Great post Bonnie! I love you menu of tickles! Super cute!! I always find encouragement when I read your writing!

    • Reply Bonnie Gray March 24, 2011 at 2:15 pm

      Can’t wait to read your post, Kelli!

  • Reply Debbie March 24, 2011 at 5:50 am

    I love to hear the sound of children laughing. It can be so contagious. I can just imagine your tickle sessions; lol.

    I’m so thankful that this is the topic for March. That Matthew Scripture is one I’ve memorized. It comes to me when I feel so weary and reminds me that only Jesus can give me that true rest. Unfortunately, He is not always the first place I turn but I’m learning. And He is the only One who can truly satisfy.

    Keep on sharing Bonnie. You are blessing many. I love your transparency!

    Blessings and love,
    Debbie

    • Reply Bonnie Gray March 24, 2011 at 2:16 pm

      He’s always there, never counting how long it takes. He’s just happy to receive us. And I love having you here, Debbie!

  • Reply Laura March 24, 2011 at 7:35 am

    So encouraging Bonnie! Thank you.
    I find when I am believing what is true about God I function from a rested soul vs. when I am believing lies about Him (like He is not big enough, or that the things I am dealing with catch Him off guard etc.) It’s like the movie Runaway Bride. That so easily can be us… the Runaway Bride, running from Jesus, the very One who wants to give us rest when we get our focus off Him.

    • Reply Bonnie Gray March 24, 2011 at 2:17 pm

      The runaway bride of Christ. That’s an awesome takeaway, Laura. Love that movie, btw! 🙂

  • Reply Jennifer March 24, 2011 at 7:55 am

    Bonnie, thank you for your constant encouragement! This series has challenged me in so many ways!

    • Reply Bonnie Gray March 24, 2011 at 2:18 pm

      It’s great doing this series together, Jennifer!

  • Reply Blessed Beyond Measure » Emotional Rest March 24, 2011 at 8:05 am

    […] addthis_product = 'wpp-254'; var addthis_config = {"data_track_clickback":true};This month over at Faith Barista Jam it’s all about rest. This week in particular is focusing on emotional rest. I hope that you […]

  • Reply Katie March 24, 2011 at 9:28 am

    Very encouraging today! Come to Jesus… he really is the best source of rest along. Thank you Bonnie!

    • Reply Bonnie Gray March 24, 2011 at 2:18 pm

      Looking forward to your brew, Katie!

  • Reply Melissa Brotherton March 24, 2011 at 10:33 am

    I linked up my post from yesterday, because I wrote about this without even knowing this week’s Jam topic. I love it when God is speaking the same thing to someone else. 🙂 Right now I’m really feeling in need of rest, and I’m finding it outside of writing. I’m knitting, baking cookies with my kids and having a date with my husband. Sometimes I need a break from what usually gives me emotional rest, so that it becomes restful again. 🙂

    • Reply Bonnie Gray March 24, 2011 at 2:19 pm

      Your rest sounds totally PERFECT, Melissa. So glad you linked up!

  • Reply Nikole Hahn March 24, 2011 at 11:07 am

    A friend and I disagreed–really, it was a miscommunication–and when I called to clear the air we talked things over and I went from stressing about a disrupted friendship to laughing in pure joy and relief that it was just a misunderstanding and the friendship was as strong as ever. That was my example of emotional rest.

    • Reply Bonnie Gray March 24, 2011 at 2:20 pm

      That’s good stuff, Nikole. Rest between two friends is a God’s rest in the skin.

  • Reply Jenn Murray March 24, 2011 at 11:38 am

    emotional rest is a tough one. we often think that solitude will do it but I find that sometimes I need interaction. Bouncing my thoughts and fears and concerns off a good friend helps me, like therapy at times. Sometimes I need to cry to release the emotional pressure and reset my emotions. I know it’s different for every one, but sometimes God has to strip me down “emotionally” in order for me to be ready to listen.

    • Reply Bonnie Gray March 24, 2011 at 2:21 pm

      God’s intent for fellowship is so New Testament. It never existed in the OT. Thanks for sharing this, Jenn.

  • Reply dunlizzie March 24, 2011 at 2:26 pm

    Thanks Bonnie for continuing this journey into Rest! I was thinking I wouldn’t have anything to contribute this week after the previous two weeks – getting Rest from the topic of Rest so to speak – and then wouldn’t you know it, God used an experience yesterday to teach me about Emotional Rest. He’s good, our God!

  • Reply marina bromley March 24, 2011 at 3:06 pm

    Thank you Bonnie!! This echoes what I’ve been learning…it’s ok to NOT be busy all the time, and I don’t need to feel guilty over it either!! It’s also good for me to “just say no!” more than I do… and I’m learning!! I appreciate your timely reminder. Blessings!!

  • Reply Jeri March 24, 2011 at 3:50 pm

    I couldn’t help but to start laughing. Those tickle names are awesome!

    • Reply Jeri March 25, 2011 at 12:46 pm

      I had to read this again. A new day brings me new words of life. A cup of rest is what I need every day. I’ll make sure to take time for him to cultivate in my the beauty of Him in my imperfections…the stress and strivings along with the weary and weak me.

      I see us! All the FJ Community, sharing our bed of burdens and having a cup of rest with the Master Barista. Now, that’s one awesome cup of brew I’m sipping! 😀 What flavor is yours?! hee hee.

  • Reply Lisa H. March 24, 2011 at 4:10 pm

    Bonnie,

    Finding emotional rest is something I had truly not experienced. Ever. Because I didnt know what it was, I was never at rest. I was in complete chaos at all times. That is until a woman in my church offered to talk with me when I finally admitted I had issues. It wasn’t long after she and I started talking (maybe our 3rd talk) I was having a really bad day and she asked me to come to her office at the church. It was her day off, the church was closed but she met me and opened the doors. Once in her office we talked for a long time and then she asked if I wanted pray together. I did but I’d never asked someone specifically to pray for me. So she prayed. For the first time ever I understood when someone said they went to the feet of Jesus to talk to him! He was in that room with us and I could finally breath deeply. I learned that prayer is not just my plea with God, he will listen and he will talk if I listen back. Maybe not then, maybe not for a long time but he will. And maybe not how I want either. I learned that night that God wants to know my thoughts, my feelings, my emotions. The ones hidden deep from everyone. So now when I find myself spiraling out of control, my friend and I meet and we talk. Then we pray together. Praying with someone or having someone pray for you while sitting with you is such a powerful thing. It always makes me feel more emotionally rested than I was before hand.

    Lisa

  • Reply David Droste March 24, 2011 at 6:39 pm

    I am always trying to figure out how to actually experience the things I know to be true…like cast your cares upon him, because he cares for you. How do you actually do that? Or rest? or be full of joy? Thanks for the reminder that rest is a worthy goal and possible:)

  • Reply Sheryl March 24, 2011 at 7:28 pm

    So many rich nuggets here today, Bonnie. The idea that Jesus is rest in person is beautiful. I think that’s the one that will stick with me. Thank you.

  • Reply Dee March 24, 2011 at 7:45 pm

    Quiet helps me destress. Sitting in our family room listening to God…sitting there letting Him love me with the soft quietness all around. After I’ve bathed in His love, I write my thoughts in my journal capturing in my own words what I’ve learned in my meditation. Reading thoughts of others on spiritual matters nurtures me further. Since I was a small girl, I have loved simple spiritual practices. Not many in my family understood this. They were afraid I would become a missionary. That seemed odd to me since it was them who took me to church. God took hold of my heart very young. His wisdom and ways have always been a part of me. In my heart of hearts, I know where my home is and I’m just traveling here for a short while. So I return to Him to refresh and rejuvenate because only He has what feeds my soul.

  • Reply Donna March 24, 2011 at 7:57 pm

    “Where fears, worries and doubts mess up the beds of rest — Jesus enters.”

    I am so with you on this post, Bonnie. Imagine not having to create rest! How wonderful to simply respond to the Lord’s voice: Come. It took me years to believe it!

    Thanks for hosting yet another filling jam.

  • Reply Favourite Links Friday: 11 fantastic posts to check out! | Shooting the Breeze March 25, 2011 at 8:31 am

    […] Spirituality by Michael J. Ellis 10. If You Listen To Music You Understand Life Rhythm by Scott 11. Emotional Rest: Are You Afraid To Tell Yourself The Truth? by Bonnie […]

  • Reply Better is Possible March 25, 2011 at 8:45 am

    I’m a day late again, but I’ve got my coffee at my side, my granddaughter is cleverly occupied and it is a joy to have a moment to read yours an other insightful posts! Thanks Bonnie for hosting.

  • Reply Merissa March 25, 2011 at 10:57 am

    I love how we can be a part of community and learn rest with each other… we indeed were not meant to be alone…
    Christ is teaching me, what a blessing it is to experience friendship in authenticity.

  • Reply Beth Werner Lee March 28, 2011 at 12:29 am

    I had no idea what you meant by emotional rest. Seriously.
    Yesterday I had a great talk with a friend 3 time zones away and at the end of it we prayed, and at the end of our prayer I felt as if my heart were inflating again. I think I would have said I find emotional rest when I can lay all my burdens out in discussion with one trusted friend with whom I can then pray and trust God’s care for them.
    Emotions are quite tricky with a 10 year old girl who is struggling academically but day by day I pray first thing for God to fill me with his love. I don’t feel rested, but at the end of the day when we read his word and pray, when she falls asleep and I sit a bit with husband writing a lecture, and come back to reflect, to write, to sit quiet sometimes, to prepare for tomorrow, to head to bed, I think the unwinding, the praying over tomorrow’s plans, these are care for my emotions.

  • Reply How Do You Uncover God’s Joy? Everyday Joys: A Photo Journal | Faith Barista April 28, 2011 at 3:45 pm

    […] are God’s special gifts.  One of my close friends, Carol, is getting married after being a single parent for over 20 years. God is faithful.  Her joyful […]

  • Reply Alisha Ross September 6, 2019 at 10:41 pm

    Great tremendous things here. I’m very glad to look your article. Thank you so much and i am taking a look ahead to contact you. Will you please drop me a mail?

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