If you could have a morning, free from distractions and insecurities, what would you spend it doing?
A cup of coffee comes to mind.
A pastry of course is naturally next.
A journal with fresh pages.
Tucked into my purse along with a medium ball point pen.
I’d take a drive to a nearby arboretum of trees arrayed along easy walking paths.
I’d show you everything that makes my soul happy.
And hope it fills your soul with some delight too.
What will pour out between the coffee we sip and the stroll we take is a glimpse of your heart.
In real life.
My Biggest Hurts
My biggest hurts in life have come from being in community. During the times I felt betrayed and rejected, I felt the brunt of expectations. I withdrew from community.
Don’t get me wrong. I still went to church. I needed worship in music and song more than ever. I loved God’s word, so I still enjoyed taking Bible Study classes. I even joined the choir, playing my violin.
But, I did not attempt to move in any direction that would lure me back into the net of expectations. I kept my heart distant where it was most tender. But, there was a cost to my lack of community.
I grew insecure. I lost touch with the real me. The Bonnie who was passionate, silly and spontaneous got lost in the Bonnie who was cautious and hidden.
There is a side effect to covering up parts of ourselves, even if it feels safe. Our soul become muffled, unable to be loved when we are weak and accepted when we are afraid.
You see, community isn’t about belonging to a group.
Spiritual community starts with sharing your real self with others.
As followers of Jesus, we share in a kind of community that’s organic.
It grows out of living our lives in the open — because we’re learning to grow in grace and love. In other words, we trust that God is at work in each of us.
As we are.
Not as we wish we were.
Not as we once were.
As we are.
Deepest Healing
I was hurt by community, but God also healed me through community too.
Real life community.
It doesn’t happen in an instant. That’s superficial.
Community happens one conversation at a time.
One meet up at a time with —
No words. Just being together and accepting each other into the same space.
Few words. To laugh, chat about everyday life things. Like where to get fresh strawberries and how hard it is to fall sleep when the summer’s too hot.
Lots of words. One on one coffee chats that go crazy too long and the barista is giving you the evil eye.
Small get togethers. Girlfriends four to eight hanging out, swapping stories of our in-progress journeys. Usually nibbling on something sweet and holding something warm in our hands.
The ways of God are endless. He is creative.
He knows just how you need to be reached. And He has the people in mind who can move your heart out once again.
But, you have to take that risk.
You know your pace. But, you do have to venture out.
We weren’t made to be alone.
Free To Be Real
Over many years, God has made many significant connections to free me to joy once again.
Now, I have the joy of spiritual community. I am free to be real.
I love being in real life with people.
It gives us the chance to offer each other the best gift possible.
Yourself. As you are.
Life is a treasure trove of ups and downs, to support each other’s unique strengths and weaknesses. We get to rejoice like crazy when happiness raindown like sheets of spring rain. We can also comfort and encourage each other when times are tough.
“you are a letter of Christ…
written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God,
not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.” 2 Cor. 3:3
An Invitation: (In)RL
My friends who I write alongside at DaySpring (in)courage is that sort of community for women, but online. Since we’re all spread out across the globe, we write to share real life stories of struggles and triumphs, as we are.
This year, (in)courage wants to take community one step further.
It’s called (in)RL — stands for “in real life”.
(in)courage is inviting us to have real life “meet ups” with others who live locally, right where we are.
(in)RL takes place on Saturday, April 27, 2012.
Click here to check out the (in)RL meet ups happening near you and register. You can also host a gathering of your own. You pick the guest size, the place and the time.
** We all have stories of real life community. ** 30 of us at (in)courage are sharing about real life community to inspire April’s (in)RL. Visit Lisa-Jo who kicked things off yesterday and be sure to catch Holley Gerth who will be serving up her words tomorrow.
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What are your stories of real life community?
Pull up a chair. I love having you here, inspiring community. Click to comment. Let’s encourage each other.
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*** NOW, IT’S YOUR TURN — LINK UP IN THE FAITH JAM ***
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Place the Faith Jam Badge in your post. It’s a welcome sign for our community. Grab the HTML Code. Thanks!
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Share your post by clicking the blue button below: “Add Your Link”. (Subscribers: click here to get there directly).
*Next Thursday’s 2/2/12 Topic: * Share your thoughts on:: “real life” community. I have a feeling this is going to be a hot topic! Can’t wait to swap stories…
*This Thursday’s 2/9/12 Topic: * How are you Unwrapping Love?
Approach it any way you feel inspired! Only required ingredient: keep it real.
It’s a jam session. As time allows, say hi & drop a comment when visiting the community faith blends!
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52 Comments
You wrote: “He knows just how you need to be reached. And He has the people in mind who can move your heart out once again.”
Oh, how I know this to be true.
About 4 and a half years ago, I prayed a desperate prayer for some Christian friends. I felt so lost, as a wayward child does. It was just before my family was about to move across the country and start a new chapter in our lives. Wouldn’t you know, within 2 weeks of arriving at our new place, God put me right into the pot with 2 amazing, hearts on fire for the Lord, women. They were my manager and assistant manager at work. I was with them every single day for 8 hours straight. They were the answer to my prayer.
Now, after another move and 2 years that separate us…we are still keeping in contact and I treasure them as blessings from God. They will always be part of my life. =)
Hi Brooke, thanks for sharing such an encouraging story of God’s provision of friendship! May God continue to refresh you in the new place He has you!
I just had the best “real life” community experience by going to my church’s women’s retreat last weekend. I had to be brave to sign up – no one I knew well had committed to going yet. But I heard God calling me to go. Later, some members of my Bible study group decided to attend and the retreat was a wonderful way to get to know them better . . . because we shared our “real” selves. You are so right about that. And we talked about and experienced how God loves us just as we are – he loves the real me. That is powerful. Thank you for your community here, Bonnie!
I really love our community here too, Courtney! It refreshes me, as I live out community in real life! I was all smiles hearing you grabbed some real life retreat. What a soul treat! 🙂
Reading your post reminded me of myself in so many ways, Bonnie. I am glad we are both out of hiding now. You will never fully know how much you have given me with your words of hope and in being real. I think about what I would have missed out on, had you chosen to stay numb.
And I think it is that way for all of us. So many gifts and so much beauty….lost…..if we remain in our pain and self preservation. Wow……
I’m all smiles, Julie! God knew just how long we could handle being alone… and then He rescued us with His prompting and encouragement. *hugs* 🙂
Bonnie, Your words are so true to my life. It has been a risk to open up and share but it has brought much healing to my life. Thank you!
I can’t imagine how nice it is to smile and see you in real life… but I have the next best thing. You’re words, Katie — and your heart shared here with your visits. 🙂
I found this as I was reading this morning from Proverbs 8 where it speaks of Wisdom or where Wisdom speaks.
Then I was beside Him as a master craftsman;
And I was daily His delight,
Rejoicing always before Him, Rejoicing in His inhabited world,
And my delight was with the sons of men.
The word DELIGHT & REJOICING is intertwined and speaking of Wisdom personified-I thought you would like that Bonnie.
I have always wanted to wear a white dress and sandals and be outdoors, maybe a park and put some music on and dance…just dance..twirl…dance…for God. But I am also self-conscious of others looking at me…I wonder, is that pride? I hope not. Insecurity? yes. Our church plays lovely praise music and all within me wants to dance but I stop and think: “what would people think of me?” Either way, I want to dance to God, like an audience of one, not caring about anything else or how I look-But just to get lost in His eyes as we dance together. That’s what I would love to do if I had a day with nothing to do and if I wasn’t insecure to do it. lol
Thanks for this post. Beautiful.
Oh, Adaykis — you are too good to me — WHAT AN INCREDIBLE verse intertwining joy and delight — and now, you shared it here for all of us to enjoy. Psst… when no ones at home… crank up the music… and DANCE. LOL!
I’ve found I thrive best when I belong to several small communities, gaining and giving different things in each one. I’m thankful God allows lives to entwine in these ways. He knows what we need; He provides. We just have to be open to receive.
I’m glad you’re talking about community with us. We all need to be prompted to think about it and live it out. Thanks, Bonnie.
Lisa, what a real life blessing it’d be to have you in real life, sprinkling yourself here and there… salt… flavor. ** aahhh ** I’m a small groups person too! And I like variety as well… stimulating… hey, it’s like us here at Faith Barista! but in real life. LOL.
Thank you for sharing this Bonnie! I have found myself in a pit this past month due to some big hurts by a few that I love very much. I am ready to heal so that I can move on but struggling to get past some things. I now find myself insecure and not sure where God is leading me. I was on a mountain with Him and now in a low valley. I know my God will see me through and I trust that I will be stronger and more confident after this storm passes! Blessings to you and your ministry!
Hey Tonya, mountains do intersect with valleys. Happens to all of us. 🙂 You are still that refreshing person on the mountains… just need a friend to come alongside you to just sip some tea and hear your story, right where you’re at now. Thanks for sharing a tender piece of your heart with us, friend!
I can relate, and I’m certain that so many others can too, to feeling betrayed by community. I can also relate to the hiding that happens after such an event. I’m in the process of coming out of hiding. Your words encourage me to step out further and further. It’s not easy, in fact it’s so scary at times. But I am taking those steps and making progress. I love that children’s song, “He’s still working on me”. It is a song that I sing to myself most every day to remind me that I am a work in progress and He is the Master Craftsman. So….. Thank you for not hiding and stepping out and sharing your stories with us.
Hi Lisa, thank YOU for stepping out to encourage me with where you’re at. Such a tender place… and now, we’re connected in that journey of growing as a work in progress! Just love that!
A community of faith hurt me as well, but in the midst of it, I began to rely mostly on where God was leading me…away from that community. I found many things along the way toward healing, but I especially found a solid relationship with HIM. Now, I have found another community…that loves me like I am. See the one I left did not have that capacity…they were too focused on perfection…and I was NOT perfect. They weren’t either but they had the illusion they were. I’ve given that community to God because He has a larger capacity for love than I do. I hear that community is changing…an answer to a prayer I offered while caught in the fabric of misconceptions there. He is a totally awesome God full of amazing possibilities…things we cannot even imagine. That is why I try hard to follow Him and keep an open mind. God bless and keep you. 😀
That is such a great point to add, Dee. SO important. That’s why this community is awesome. It takes all of our voices to show how God leads uniquely. I was led to a new community too! 🙂 Bless you, friend!
Hi, Bonnie
I had to also agree with your post. I am a very social person and community(esp. girlfriends) is very important to me. I had prayed a long time for fellowship with other Christian women. Deep, caring friendships aren’t easy to find, though, in this day, even in the church. Most are so surfacey. I recently made a new friend/mentor through my church and she is such a blessing. I also have been more involved in the blogging community and started my own blog a few months ago. We women need community. . . it’s how God created us. . . to relate and care for each other!
In His lo♥e, Ann
Hi Ann, it’s such a gem to find a friend — a faith friend bringing breath of fresh air to our souls. 😉 Thanks for sharing here — and blessings on your blog, as you express yourself through words for Christ!
I never really thought of how we could be in a community and not really connected to it and dependent up on it. It’s so true that our wounds can come through community and our healing can also come through community. I’ll be honest, I felt used up and tossed aside by one church where I’d given so much of myself and so many churches after that just saw me as something to use for the church as an organization. I’m so grateful that over the years God has brought me into communities that accept me with my flaws and where people want to share their lives with me.
There’s all the difference in the world between a community committed to the organization of the group and a community that is committed to one another.
Yes, that is totally my experience too. That is why I just LOVE our online community here at Faith Barista — it inspires our real life community of faith — not as an organization, to be used to perform functions of “serving” — but to be a real brother and sisterhood, caring for each other. I truly believe serving will always naturally flow out of that love and encouragement for each other. When people feel safe and cared for, it’s a no brainer. I’ve led ministries committed to this philosophy and it never fails to be full of life and connection. Whatever results are peripheral. People are shocked when I tell them, “You are more important than the “ministry” at all times. You are God’s ministry. We are here to support one another. If you feel at any time, you need to take a break or you’re stressing out, you will always take priority over what you do.” Guess what, we all end up being there for each other — and ministry happens. Even if there are breaks. Someone feels led to step in. Not out of obligation, but because they feel free to do so, knowing they can stop at any time too.
How this touched my heart. I just recently was led to leave the church I was in and go to a land God had for me. It was hard, and some people did not treat me well in leaving, but I have an audience of One. So I moved. What I was not aware of until now is the freedom in worship that God had for me there and the way He reminded me our ministry is with Him and for Him. I have been hurt, but He is so gracious as to not only heal me, help me forgive, but help me find love and embrace in a new community setting in the body of Christ. I am able to not only put on Christ, but to dress others in Him as I interact with them. What is great is that I am finding that the majority of time He is already on them.
Hi Melinda, I am SO glad you shared your story, because you encourage us with the journey you’ve been on — and now, you can see people differently — in a way that draws you to understand them, even if they hurt us. It’s like you are free to love because you know that hurt isn’t the end! 🙂 You just expressed that journey so well, friend!
I definitely understand this: “Our soul become muffled, unable to be loved when we are weak and accepted when we are afraid.” I find myself closed to community in some situations or with some people because of my fear. Thanks for this call to draw out and connect, Bonnie.
It’s such an honor to hear your heart on this, Caroline. Feels safe to be here together!
BTW…to anyone living in Arizona, specifically, Northern Arizona, I am one of the hosts of (in)RL 2012.
Community has hurt me as well, but then in recent months I’ve come to the realization that not only have I hurt people, but I have hidden behind ministry using it as a shield to protect myself from hurt. It’ s a difficult admission, but confession is so freeing.
Yes, I used to hide behind that too. It felt easier 😉 … Such a blessing to get each other as we experience faith, Nikole! So cool you’re hosting! Wow!
I’m still in hiding. I find it hard to be who I am when I’m at work, because I am the only Christian. Where I live, I have no real friends around me and I don’t go to Church. I am struggling with serious issues that I am too embarrassed to tell anyone about because I’m afraid of the hurt and shame. God knows, but I have no one else that knows. I’m fighting the evil that lurks deep within without a friend, and at times, it is so hard. Not having a person to rely on is taking its toll on me. I hope someday soon, I can have great friends to hang out with, but until then, I am alone in real life.
Your words are inspiring, thank you. They give me hope for the future.
Hi Jenny! It’s so awesome you shared such a tender place in your journey now. Dear Jesus, I pray you bring someone to cross Jenny’s path and I pray you fill Jenny with encouragement. Give her ideas on how to take just one step out of hiding and give her hope in that prompting. Thank you for seeing her and loving her right now. In Jesus name, Amen.
I signed up for the IRL meeting in my area. It’s a cool idea. 🙂
Yay! It’ll be interesting. 😉 Love ya, Kristine!
“If you could have a morning, free from distractions and insecurities, what would you spend it doing?”
Ditto to your answer
Ah Bonnie, you are a kindred spirit! 🙂
Oh, TOTALLY! Kindred we are, Jennifer! 🙂
“Spiritual community starts with sharing your real self with others.”
I love that statement! Without this I don’t believe there can be real community.
Thanks for your inspiring thoughts Bonnie!
Praise God for how you do this online so well, Kevin! Blessing wherever you are, as you are! YES!
Hmmm first a Sunday sermon on being relational and persuing relationships and now this. Could somebody be trying to tell me something??? 🙂
“He knows just how you need to be reached. And He has the people in mind who can move your heart out once again” I’m praying this is so.
Thanks for you words! They are always encouraging and truth-filled.
http://theresomethingdifferent.blogspot.com/2012/02/seeking-community-and-connections.html
Hey sunshine Alecia! You’re an encouragement — thanks for sharing your heart — love how you share your heart and what His words to you!
The holidays were my first start to get together with the girls. I have a hard time trusting. But, something inside me has me wanting to do “real life” hanging out. I think about planning the next one now. That’s new for me. The disconnect in a crowd or gathering made me myopic. God heals slowly and I’m started to see peripherally. How beautiful the scenery is.
I like 1-1 and small groups too. 😉 Jeri…. you’re just a sweet sunshine. Share that Light in you, girl!
I am signed up as well {(in)RL}. Can’t wait.
Thank you for this post today Bonnie!
Yay, Charina! 🙂
[…] over at Bonnie’s, we are discussing “real life […]
Most of us have been hurt either real or imaginary, but we can either recoil, get angry, or get over it. As we mature in God, I believe we tend to forgive and get over it more quickly. Being in community is important and allowing others to view our unwashed face is real and not always easy. We are so different, and yet in many ways so similar. We are all created from the same dust and our spirits once born again become blended into one.
Yay, Hazel! You’re back! 🙂 So glad to have your voice here again. Have missed you, friend.
Ah, this is lovely Bonnie~speaks to me and our small group. Wonderful post.
How blessed you are to have a small group like that! So special for sure, Christy!
Interesting how community was the source of both hurt and healing…
Yep, I think they both exist. 🙂 wish there wasn’t one… but it’s not our end. So nice to see you, Monica! Hope all is well with you, friend!
I needed this reminder. I have been hurt in community too…in faith communities, and I am still “crawling” my way back in.
I remember how you looked into my eyes when we talked at Relevant and you wouldn’t let me hide behind those carefully constructed masks…it was hard yet good. YOU SAW ME!
Thank for for that reminder here.
You are finding your way and I love how you bring us along with you. I feel so blessed to have met you in real life, Lindsey. Your heart is full of passion and God is going to use all that you’ve been through to bless and encourage so many. But, at the core of His heart is *you*, *you*, *you*. And you deserve everything beautiful and lovely, as that is how He’s made your heart. *hugs*
Bonnie,
How true. Our biggest hurt can be the one area in which we can connect with people and love others in a real way.