I tell him he can read it later when he’s older.
I tell him this is a book with some hard, grown-up stories.
Stories that are kind of sad.
That are not for little children.
I tell my seven year old son TJ that I’m writing these stories because I want others to know how I’m finding Jesus through tough times. And how Jesus is finding me.
I tell him I’m writing to encourage.
To let them know that Jesus is with them too.
That it’s okay to be sad.
When times are tough.
That God will always be with them.
No matter what.
“I want to read it,” TJ replies, as he munches on a chocolate chip granola bar after school from the backseat.
“You will, sweetie… You will…” I assure him.
Behind A Flickering Screen
You know, friend, you have a lot to do with this book.
You know, friend, God put you here — behind a flickering screen — miles, miles away to come keep me company.
Because you are so, so close to my heart.
While I’ve been crying.
While I’ve been panicking.
While I’ve been struggling to breathe. To write.
You’ve been here.
Even when I told you I decided at the start of a new year, I wasn’t going to write any more.
That it’s not worth it. All this panic-riddled anxiety. I was going to shut down the blog. And walk away from it all.
Until God brought to my mind, the apostle Paul. In prison.
Just a few letters. That’s all he could scrawl through.
Maybe that’s all I have left.
A few digital letters to tap to you. In the form of blog posts.
Lost in a sea of billowing blogs across the digital sphere.
Whenever I could make it front of the keyboard.
Whenever my heart dared to whisper.
You’ve been here. Keeping company. To journey with me.
With your stories.
Some spoken as comments. Emails. Tweets at times or a few words left on Facebook. Or linked-up in the Faith Jam.
Some shared in silence. As you’ve read along with me.
And I know… Yes, I know… your unspoken prayers.
Each time you’ve come to my mind, I remember you in prayer too.
I couldn’t even reply to you, most of the time. Even though I wish I could. I wish I could sit here and type, and type, and type my heart out to you.
Still, God apparently chose us.
To journey alongside one another.
God spoke to me, through the words He once spoke to Paul the apostle — when He changed Paul’s plans and pointed him to Macedonia —
“Don’t be afraid.
Keep on speaking, do not be silent.
For I am with you… and no one is going to harm you,
because I have many people in this city.” Acts 18:9-10
You have been God’s people for me in this city — my journey through post-traumatic-stress —
A city of finding my voice.
Amongst the ruins.
Of broken revelations.
Of who God wants me to be.
To recover my full voice.
As it creaks its way out to you.
The Only Way
Since my last post the week of Easter, I’ve discovered God is changing my plans again.
I had to face the deadline of my manuscript for my book.
It’s been the third time — the third time — the publishers have so kindly extended the deadline for me.
But, the little girl in me has emerged, and I can’t put her away.
So, I made the awful decision in the past few weeks.
To kill my old book.
Because every time I’ve tried to resume the book the way I started it, I’ve gotten choked up with panic attacks.
I. can’t. write. that. old. book.
That book the old me dreamed up. I can’t go back the way I came.
I told my publisher, the only chance I have to write this book now — is to write it the way I’ve been able to write on my blog. To you.
The only way I can write is if I write it broken. With the little girl in me
A New Book
I told them that I wrote some new sample chapters — when I asked the little girl what she wanted to say.
This is what I have now (I sent her sample chapters).
This is not the old book.
This is a new book.
Written in my new voice.
My broken self.
I’m sorry I can’t do it. The old book.
It’s okay if you don’t want it.
But, this is the only way I can write this book — if you still want it.
I want to write it.
And I think God wants me to too.
What’s At Stake
My heart stopped.
Because my editor said.
Yes. I like it.
Do it. Write it.
I’m sharing this important juncture in my journey.
To let you know. The journey of faith may not get easier.
But, it gets deeper. And the deeper it goes, the more of what’s at stake emerges.
You — Jesus in you.
So, I whispered back to Jesus in my hiding place.
To walk this little girl in me out into the world.
To join my sisters — and friends — as they walk out into the world — in their journeys of faith too.
Then, Jesus gives me a new prayer —
Don’t be afraid.
Run into the path of my words, for I will set your heart free.
Pray for Me
This morning, I open my screen of blank space.
I want to ask you to pray for me.
For my heart to grow in freedom. I know it can’t be total freedom. Because for me, it’s not coming this way — instantaneously.
Pray that I will have courage, during those brief moments my heart slips open.
For even greater courage during those other moments when my heart shuts closed with anxiety and fear.
As I take my steps to follow His voice, to write my new book.
And as you take your steps to write your story. As you live it in your life. I am praying with you too.
Together we can walk out into the world with Jesus.
I am going to try to make my deadline.
It’s due very, very, very soon.
I want you to know I’m not going away. I will be back. But, it may be quiet here on the blog a bit.
I’m going to be heads down again, trying to type as much as my heart allows me to. Up until the deadline.
To see, if I can do it. If it is time.
Grateful For You
Jesus is taking me on far beyond a book — to journey where I don’t know the outcome.
I know this is a journey of faith I must make — even if in the end, there is no book.
Because my heart — is what Jesus is loving Himself into — every time I dare to write to you through this book.
Because I love hearing your stories.
I fly to another place when I tremble with amazement and my heart warms with joy to hear how Jesus is journeying with you too.
It’s a shot of faith. Everytime I hear your voice. As it echoes His story in you. It’s soul comforting isn’t it? When we know we are not alone.
Jesus in you.
You in Jesus.
Together with you.
Through our words.
This is the place I try to find.
When I search my heart for new words.
Thank you for being the sisters and friends, who offer me safety to speak in that voice, that Jesus longs for me to call my own.
Without your words of grace, being present with me here this year — I would have never known the broken voice within me was anything worth sharing. It’s true. You’ve changed my story.
You haven’t just done this for me. Your voice touches others who stop by here on this blog — because reading your thoughts and journey in the comments and Faith Jam link-up, they find their voices too.
I’m grateful for the amazing community gathered here on this blog, that’s turned into a soul rest for me.
I’m grateful that you are here.
In the meantime, take care of that little girl in you.
And I will try — and learn — slowly — how to take care of that little girl in me too.
“My soul is weary with sorrow;
strengthen me according to your word.
I hold fast to your statutes, O LORD; do not let me be put to shame.
I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free.”
~ Psalm 119:28-32
Have you ever had to say goodbye to something old, even though you didn’t know if, how, and when the new would come?
Pull up a chair. It has your name on it. Click to comment. We are among faith friends.
** Don’t miss! ** If you are new to Faith Barista, I’d like welcome you here.Click to subscribe by email and get each post in this series served up hot and fresh directly in your mailbox.
Photo credit: chaotic_truth via Photobucket.
Dearest Bonnie: I am usually the quiet one, reading your blogs, totally emphathizing, as I so understand your journey as mine is similar, although obviuosly not the same.
You hang in there girl! God is hanging onto you, even in the times where you are wondering if He truly is. He is using you mightily even in the midst of this dark night of your soul. The adult in me brings encouragement and prayers your way, the hidden little girl in me says ‘hey’ to the little one in you. 🙂
‘hey’ to you too. 🙂 Want to walk barefoot across the creek, and sit under the shade with me? Sweet Joanne, thanks for journeying together.
🙂 Wouldn’t that be lovely – ‘our girls’ just hanging out together.
Bonnie, what you have to say, matters. Please, do not be silent. We need to hear you. Praying that our God will meet all your needs and bring this new book to life, meeting your “very, very, very soon” deadline. He can do that. 🙂
Thank you for your prayers, Betsy — and for being here this morning together.
So glad that God is writing a “new book” on your heart! Your words and experiences resonate with so many women and it is a testimony that the old can be washed away and made new in God’s loving hand. Keep writing. Keep sharing. The world needs you!
Thank you for being present on this journey with me, Bev! Love the name of your blog… may your heart walk out freely there with Jesus, too.
Sweet Bonnie… The former pain makes ” looking into the mirror dimly” so much more dim. The gift He has given you is that heart depth that allows you to express what so many feel and cannot express ….the Hope within you that is creating a clear mirrored image .Whatever happened or happens , Jesus is with us. He is the face I want to gaze upon instead of my temporal(aches,pains, attacks,physical limitations)problems. They may or may not be eliminated…. if this is my”thorn in the flesh” that keeps me ever dependent on my Lord , and constantly on my knees , so be it. My words speak boldness ; my knees shake with fear…. The Romans 7 dilema …..
You are a blessing to me and to so many. Keep on keeping on. In His Grace
Because if His Great Love
Wow. Barbara. Such beautiful words to leave here for me, for us. Like a chocolate mint left on a pillow resting on a fresh made bed. Thank you friend.
Praying John 3:30, less Bonnie, more Christ. There’s knowing, there’s believing, there’s accepting, there’s living. Thankful for God’s plan to put His Own Living Spirit in believers. And the war begins. Will keep you in daily prayer as the Spirit leads. On the journey with you. Until our paths cross again …
Thank you, Kevin! May His Spirit lift you where you’re at too.
Bonnie, my precious sister in Christ. God gave me these words in reference to my writing and speaking ministry:
A voice crying out in yhe wilderness. I thought aboout those who have been in the desert with God alone. Moses, John, and Jesus.
Its bitterly cold in the night, too hot to breathe and the dust choking, creatures creeping, little to eat, and voices of temptation to quit. Yet John cried out. I am in the wilderness. As I write I too write from brokeness. Panic ensues. Yet somehow I know God is using this to prepare His way. In me first and for His glory. Ill think of you and pray as I write knowing my sister across the miles is in the wilderness too. Cry out sister. Cry out.
Oh, Melinda. Such pearls of wisdom, from a heart so soft and open. You are beautiful. Echoing Jesus here, in your writing and speaking. Thank you.
You go, girl! Yes, I have had to say goodbye to something old, not knowing if, how or when the new would come. I can attest that can be a terrifying, confusing place to be. But I also experienced (and am still experiencing) God turning chaos into order; ashes into beauty. The little girl in me is finding her full voice, too – God’s grace. Only by God’s grace and strength and truth…
Recently, I came across a C.S. Lewis quote that helped me a great deal: “There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.”
God bless you, Bonnie. Write on…
Dear Rae. I love this CS quote. I’ve not heard it. What a gift. I will share on Facebook tomorrow with our friends there. Thank you for cheering me on. I’m cheering you on too!
Prayed for you this morning Bonnie. I am so grateful to God for you and for your voice to me.
Noemi, So grateful for you. Thank you for that precious prayer you lifted for me. I’m lifting you up right now too.
You are so very dear to many people; but most of all God! May He be with you in a special way as you begin this new chapter in your life. When things happen in our lives, we cannot and must not look backwards; but forwards. Things will never be the same again; but with Jesus, things will be much better. I understand what you are going through to a certain extent because I am on a cancer journey that began last July. I could not make it without prayers of faithful loved ones so I’m telling you that YOU can make it on this new bend in the road of life. Blessings & prayers to you dear one.
Wow. Frances. Cancer journey — what amazing, mysteriously intimate and special moments you have shared with Jesus. Thank you for bringing yourself and your story here now, and prayers for me. I lift you up right now, too, friend.
I was so excited to read your words tonight. I continue to pray for you.
When I got to the stage of wanting to share my story with my kids I wrote a letter so they would each hear the same story and then i sat down with each of them as they read it and we cried and hugged and prayed and I put away a copy for my youngest who was too young to hear the stories then.
I’ll be praying for you.
I was at my son’s graduation recently – a Masters in Psychotherapy and at one point I felt a twinge of something, wishing i was up there getting a PhD. I was writing a PhD when all my childhood stuff came crashing down and I had to give way to the little girl. People thought I was made stopping the PhD but there were words to say and to be written that were so different. I’m glad I listened to God – the things that have happened in the past years have been much more important and life changing than the PhD.
I’ll be praying for you.
Thank you, Vicki. So, so blessed to hear how you took the step into the dizzying blank space – away from the PhD – and followed that harder journey of faith. Inspiring. I can’t imagine what it will be like to share the stories with my kids later (two boxes of Kleenex please!). So beautiful to hear your letter idea.
like new wine in new wineskins
Oh, Elaine. You’ve had a front row seat and still haven’t left. What a soul friend, soul safety you are. xoxo
I can’t put into words just how much your journey has helped me in my journey. Keep writing my friend, and when you feel as if you are sinking, know there are many out here praying for you, on this journey with you. We are sisters in Christ, holding each other up.
Tina, you put to words the encouragement my soul felt comforted to hear. Unspeakable comfort. Thank you.
Bonnie, I thank God for you touching so many lives on this blog. Even here in Africa where I am. Thank God for his love that goes way beyond color, creed and culture. We too have stories. Sad stories. Hopeful stories. Haunting stories. Some still unfolding, some past. Many very similar to yours. But unlike you, not all of us can write. Write on my sister. Like Timothy in the bible “do not neglect the gift that is in you”. Our languages may be different, our abilities to tell our story may vary. Go on, tell it for us. We thank God because in your story we see some of ours. And we find our voices in yours. May the Spirit of God continue to give you utterance. Praying for you.
Abigail. I wish I could reach over and just hug and sit and listen and listen and listen to those stories. As I know our Lord Jesus is heavy hearted listening and listening and holding all of my sisters there in Africa, where you are. Your words come like pieces of food for my soul, like birds God sent to Elijah at the river. Thank you.
Tears of joy, sorrow, connection….they feel like soul tears. I just want to thank you for blogging about your journey. Your words, spirit, heart, soul– they have helped me in ways I can’t explain. I thank God for bringing you and your words to me.. I am so happy for you to be taking this next step in your journey! You are brave, courageous, and dearly loved! I am certain The Lord will continue to bless you on this journey. Your book will reach many– maybe many more than the “old” book would have. I will miss you and your posts here, but I will be one of the first in line to buy your book, not only because I believe in you and your message, but because it will be sold out as soon as it hits the stores! 🙂
And yes, I’m in a big ol’ (as they say in the south) season of saying goodbye to “old”. Old patterns of thinking, living, being. And in that, I’m saying goodbye to some people that I’ve known and “loved” for years. I’m in the process of learning how to grieve these “losses”, so that I, too, can find that lost little girl in me. I really relate to that phrase (finding the little girl) because it’s what has been talked about since day one of my counseling and still remains the goal…a year later. It’s definitely been 3 steps forward–2 steps back…but there have been days God has allowed me to see just a peek into that little girl. And there have been days I have made leaps–not many of those, but enough to keep me pressing on. You have been a part of that journey. Your words have always showed up in His perfect timing. In fact, today I go to counseling. I was to have written out what I will say to my family next week.I have nothing. I tried…I really did. But it’s just not time. It feels like it should be, but God doesn’t work off of a timeline. So, I will walk into my appointment today empty-handed. But my heart is hopeful. My plan is not always His.
God bless you in your writing!!! I can’t wait to read about your journey to finding that girl….and I’m so excited to meet her! She’s gonna bless the socks right off of any one who has the pleasure of meeting her!
Much love and prayers to you!
Oh, friend. I hope your session went well today — well for your soul. Although it is so painstakingly exhausting to go, in search of that little girl. I go in empty-handed time and again. But, we are going. With Jesus. And that’s counts. Because He sees. And He is living every lurching, heart stabbing 3stepforward-2stepback in us and with us too. And now, you know you’re not the only one walking this journey too. 😉
Oh, Bonnie. I’m so glad that you’ve just found your voice to write in! I know that God’s walking with you…speaking through you…and I’m praying that you will feel His hand on your shoulder, His eyes peering with approval, that this is all His doing.
I don’t doubt that with the completion of the book will be healing.
When I see my Holley Gerth block, hanging in the little hall to my bedroom, I think of you;
“Not everyone could do what she did.
Not everyone could handle things the way that she could.
She wondered sometimes if she was doing okay…
everyone else was just watching in Wonder” – Holley Gerth
“God is within her, she will not fall.” Psalm 46:5
Love you friend, and praying for you!!
So sweet, Marina. I haven’t seen that one from Holley. Oh, I will have to let her know. She’s here with us, even though she didn’t know it. You’re a prayer warrior. No doubt about it. So grateful.
Bonnie, I hear your heart and so relate…God has led me to share about my own journey which involves sexual abuse. I started writing but feel like there are words He wants me to write and another voice clamoring for a chance to speak. Discernment, wisdom and clarity are needed. Praying for you and with you. In His Grace, Dawn
Oh, Dawn. How I miss our Faith Jams. Because now I know, we’ve been blogging together — the little girls in us speaking, peeping through the words we swapped. Beneath the surface. Wow. How much deeper those words speak. I didn’t know about your journey, but I’m shaking with amazement how He’s calling that voice in you to speak. It’s never so simple, so thank you for confiding in us even here. *hugs*
I too have been a silent friend. I have prayed for you, and thanked God for you. He lead me here several months ago. With the first post I read, I knew exactly why. The image in my mind this morning as I read your words is the timid little girl in me peeking out from behind a tree in the forest. She’s watching you, another little girl who, though scared, is beginning to take some courageous, faith-filled steps. She hears the song your heart is beginning to sing and she’s gently, quietly cheering you on. The grown-up, fellow sojourner in me is asking God to surround her with a sense of His tender love and protection for every step of her journey. Grace & Peace…Tracy
Dear Tracy, thanks for peeking out… and letting me see you. 😉 I can’t imagine how we’d pass the time, you and me, sitting with our backs against the trunk of a tall, shade tree. We’d talk. maybe. Or just quietly comment. We’d see the stars begin to peek out as dusk fades into a night sky…We need what your prayers are offering. Tenderness and protection.
I’m sure the new book in the new voice will be even better. Praying for your journey, Bonnie! Love you.
Dear Lisa, I’ve missed visiting with you — at your place and the table in the corner we share here on the blog too. Can you believe it? It’s been year(s), girl. How I’d love to sit down and hear all about your story, Lisa. Because I have a feeling, time will just fly. As it always does. What a good faith friend you are. Love you.
[…] am also linking today to Bonnie Gray at Faith Barista, where she’s asked “Have you ever had to say goodbye to something old, even though you […]
Thank you for sharing your struggle. I’m struggling also. Just making the choice to go through the day. To live for Him. To not give up. Not lose hope. You transparency is bolstering.
Dear Jaime, the journey is hard right now but He’s not going anywhere. He’s staying right here. He won’t give up on us. Thanks for being here. In this very moment.
I have spent much of my life sharing with people about the wonderful thing God did in my life–after the fact. After the pain isn’t so raw, after the darkness isn’t so dark, after the sun has started to rise. That is the place I have liked to share from because I am once again in control of life and can now help you with yours. AND it is not so vulnerable and painful and level ground where we are in this together. When I found your blog, what I loved was the rawness, the realness, the I could talk to her about anything–she gets it!! The blogs with the before and after pictures of lovely decorated rooms are overly abundant whether the rooms be in our homes or our hearts. Thank you for letting us in, it feels like holy ground.
sweet mary. i needed to hear these words. we all need them. thank you being here to say them to me. and with me this morning. even now.
Bonnie, this post brings excitement and joy to my heart! I’m really excited for you and what God is going to do through the new telling of your story. I will be thinking of and praying for you, since I know this journey is not going to be easy. I pray God breathes life into your spirit and energizes your will, and that through the writing of this new narrative He will open the floodgates of healing. I sort of feel that that is what He will do, but that is for you to know 🙂 Healing is coming to me, too, and I think 2013 will prove to be a big year for both me and YOU!
DolceKimchi — sweet girl — how do you do that — speaking to my soul — your words always do that. Healing. 2013. Let’s keep walking. Praying it will be the same for you, as you’re praying for me.
Bonnie, I am & will continue to pray for you. Your decision to write your book in your REAL own words is no small thing! It took strength from within to make that decision & EVEN MORE strength to approach your editor about it!! If you must be quiet here for a while, so be it. We’ll still be lifting you in prayer. I think all of us here understand each other. Our panic/anxiety can be from a
myriad of reasons. I think we all know the answer to our own individual problem(s) & heartache is to surrender all to God. We ache to be still within & to be calm.
I read many things. I find strength & truth & peace in THE WORD, and my devotionals. I have this little book titled “The Quiet Mind”. It was recommended to me many years ago by someone going thru what all of us are. The author is White Eagle. It’s a book of sayings for every souls personal journey.
Reading your blog, one excerpt from the book came to me & I want to share it with you. “Be still within, be calm. Do not try to overdrive your life. Be calm, do your work quietly, live as the flowers live, opening your heart to the sunlight of God’s love”. That is my prayer for you.
With love & blessings,
Dear Darlene, thank you for sharing the excerpt with us. Sprinkling soul soothing words. Thank you for sharing from your journey and for praying.
Bonnie, you are always in my prayers. Your words are so inspiring to me. I pray God shows you where you need to go with your writing. Starting over is not a bad thing. I’ve made some pretty scary changes (for me) this past couple months and your blog has been part of that encouragement to show me I needed to make those changes. You have a special gift of writing. I’m sure God will use it in some way.
Dear Kat, it’s good to hear what you’ve shared here with me this morning. Thank you for taking time to write this note and for praying. I’m thinking and lifting you up praying with you – over the changing landscape you’re navigating through change. Let’s keep journeying deeper. WIth Jesus. Together.
So thrilled your editors value your vulnerability and authenticity the way we do!
A year ago, I was newly grieving something I had just learned had been lost 45 years prior. The freedom this “good-bye” has brought me is astonishing!
“The Happiest She’s Been in 45 Years
Sweet Cheri. Thanks for sharing your link with us. Makes such a big difference to journey together. What a sweetness you bring.
Dear, sweet Bonnie, I have read some of your posts, but weeks or months ago, as you touched the place in me that is as similar to you as my twins are similar to each other, I needed to choose to stop reading for a time so that I could do the things I must accomplish for the ‘NOW’ of my life. I grieved that decision, as it was clear that the things you say affirm that my experience is not one of being fully and totally alone in my pain and struggle, and my struggle to live a faith journey inspite of hard things I’ve had to endure and try to overcome with faith intact. Though I have tried, often, too often, to tell my story to those who might listen, or even be paid to listen, to help me through the faith-driven healing process, none seemed to really “get it” as it is apparent by your writings that you would. Our journeys, from the parts I’ve read of your writing, are similar, so I have confidence that you have a geater capacity to understand my journey than others have. There is comfort in not feeling alone, for my littel girl that never had a place on someone’s lap to be comforted, or touched with loving, gentle care. I need to have time to sit with you, read what you write, the healing, comforting touches of your words, but I can’t. The reason? Because it is taking all my energy and all my time to do the things necessary for me to stay in the sheltering house I am in. I can’t take time to read, to deal with emotions that may be stirred, to process memories that rise up in hopes of finally, FINALLY, puting them to their final resting place where they trouble me not more. You asked, “Have you ever had to say goodbye to something old, even though you didn’t know if, how, and when the new would come?” YES!!! And I am in the midst of that time right now, AGAIN! I’d prayed for 20 yrs that God would allow me to have a physical home of my own, where I could paint rooms colors I chose, and no longer live in places that were unsafe. Where I could plant plants in the yard and roots for my life, after 2 dozen moves in my life. I wanted to stay put until my days on earth were finished, or at least till I didn’t have mental clarity that I was being moved. God provided that home, much more than a house, after 20 yrs of prayer and relinguishing that desire up to HIM. Now, in these last few weeks, it has become clear that I must again relinguish that dream, and prepare to move to a place unknown as of yet. It is likely to be in a city, when I love the country. It is likely to be in a cramped small space with little if any room for the materials of my creative endeavors. It is likely to be in high-density housing, with subsidized costs and lots of rules, formal and informal, as to what I can do, when, and what can’t be done, EVER. Rules on who can visit and for how long too, and more. Besides a very long history of abuse, and trauma, I had overcome homelessness and succeeded in acheiving home OWNERSHIP, even as a single mother in the days when mortgages were hard to get, and without any special programs for high-risk homeowners. Now I am aged, with a broken down body from years of hard work and poverty, and the stress of trying to keep up and keep going so to keep this house are simply too much to bare. Like your realization that you can’t write your book from the perspective it had first been conceived, I’ve come to realize I can’t do this any more. Not like this. Yet NO ONE, yet, understands the losses, this decision means to me, so I don’t have the friendly voices you have had in your journey. Only Jesus knows. Frankly, that sometimes doesn’t seem like He is enough. This isn’t the first time I’ve given up my HOME to follow Him, or to allow Him to lead me. I did it when my husband was led to seminary–then he decided a few yrs later that marriage was not for him. We were in a parsonage by then, but that was for the pastor only, not his family, I was told. Many years later, after regaining trust in My Lord, which was no small struggle, I put my house, this home I am now leaving, in Gods hands to go in service to those recovering from natural disaster, with broken homes, broken lives, and loss upon loss. My own life experience had equipped me well to minister to them, to encourage, to weep and laugh and pray with them. I could praise God for my past for how it had equipped me and built my faith and trust to serve there and then. But then, I was assaulted, there and the trauma sent me back “home” to this place God had provided, which I am now leaving, not fully recovered, broken, bruised in heart, mind and soul, to move yet again. I too tremble at this change, that I MUST do. I’ve faught it for 5 years hoping and praying for sufficient healing to remain her for the rest of my days. But it is not to be and now I face my 31st move and all the adjustments thereof. I’ve regained only the slightest bit of trust, to have faith, God is in control, and going with me. But it is a battle to hold that perspective, and not be overcome by the memories of the past, the voice of my little girl, and the arms that I long to hold me with tenderness instead of harm. Perhaps once moved, settled, i can read your blogs, posts, and bok and find more comfort for my journey too, not feeling so alone and tired. May God keep you and bless you thru this new bend in your journey.
May God’s love lift you. May His peace surround you. May you experience His comfort. Today…. may you see a flicker of love from the people on this blog. My heart cries out to the Lord for you, your losses, and your upcoming move. I live in Wisconsin, but I want you to know that I will be praying for you, thinking of you, mourning with you, and loving you as a sister in Christ.
You are loved,
Dear Lydia, you’ve been through so much. And I just ache for the many places in you that have been alone. I hope you can be encouraged to know memories are real when they’re still alive and are painful. That is what I’m journeying through. When you’ve settled a bit, I hope you will consider finding someone to help walk you through those traumatic places. It’s too much to carry alone. I needed someone experienced with trauma to guide me and I hope you will take steps to do that too. Because you deserve relief. Healing. And hope. Jesus, comfort Lydia. Be very present with her. In all those lonely and assaulting places. Bring someone on her path to help her heal. In Jesus name, Amen.
You are beautiful and amazing, Bonnie. I am cheering wildly for the way you are bravely pressing forward, loving God so well, and receiving His love for you. You remain in my thoughts and prayers!
Thank you, sweet Mandy! I’ve thought of you so often throughout this month. I know that you know. I’m celebrating the breakthrough you’re experiencing in your journey — and awed by how you are walking out into the world with Him.
Bonnie, thank you for sharing your journey, your struggles with us! When my late husband was very ill I found the following quote, “When God removes something from our grasp He is not punishing us, but opening our hand to receive something better”. When he died I asked God what the better was and trusted that HE did indeed have something better for me someday. Boy did HE ever. I am now happily married to a man who loves me like I have never been loved before. Through him I have gotten to travel, enjoy so many wonderful new experiences. I pray God will give you His peace, Philippians 4:6-7, as you make this journey and that as you write from your heart HE will guide your words, thoughts, fingers and make you a blessing in all. Praying for you.
Oh, Mary. You’ve given me a glimpse into the joy Jesus had for you — and I’m standing up clapping and cheering for God’s love and devotion — through the gift of a man who cherishes you and shares a beautiful life with you. that HE will guide… what you typed… Yes. Yes. Yes. That’s my heart’s desire. Thank you so much.
I am left speechless because this little girl is in us all; wanting to be totally free, but afraid of what she may find out about herself. I so loves your statement about what’s at stake as you go deeper with Jesus…you!!! I think, ultimately, that is the biggest thing we fear, US!. May Papa so bless you as you take your ‘tiny’ steps of faith to sound your voice to the world. Those tiney steps are HUGE because it only takes mustard seed faith to move a mountain, so how much ground will you be taking following the Father’s lead. Oh, I’m so very excited for you and praying tremendous freedom and courage to share all that you can as you speak on paper. Thank you for your transparency. BLESSINGS!
Erica, how close you are whispering into my heart. It must be Jesus, bringing us together here. May you feel my prayers being whispered for the little girl in you right now as well. Speechless with you, friend.
Oh Bonnie, yes.
My two best friends in New Haven days. We were prayer partners, and one of them was getting married, on 9/22/01 and her groom was supposed to fly in from South Africa and then 9/11 happened, and his flight was up in the air, but he made it and they had a wedding and she moved to Praetoria and in November they were mugged in a park (I remember them running, tall people, long legs) so when she came back for a visit at Christmas she had PTS which is when I first heard of it, and our other prayer partner set up a visit to a prayer center and had me drive because she couldn’t come.
I remember being annointed for the process of prayer. Then three of us placed hands on her and Mary remembered, and Mary saw where Jesus was during the attack. He was between her husband and the older attacker.
He was there.
Later, when the other friend had panic attacks because no work (plenty of savings though!) no spouse, no knowledge of her gifting and she phoned me in the night I sat on my bed and we talked on the phone. I remember it as if she were in front of me on the bed, but we were on the phone. I had an insight and told her and she responded, “You’re good in a crisis, Beth.”
That was her gift, to speak the life-giving compliment. That was the friend that died in October, blessing me with another as she went, “You can do it Beth; you’re a pretty good writer. Just write from your heart.”
Dependently is my word for the year.
I wish I could come and hold your hand and pray with you. But someone is, and when you write you are a friend I need. Speaking truth, loving Jesus.
Please host the Faith Jam even without writing a post yourself, maybe a guest post? Because we miss you and we miss writing together.
Love and prayers,
Beth, it chokes me up hearing how God spoke His affirming words into your heart — through friends He touched through you. So thankful you continue to do that with your heart and your presence through your words. Yes, I hope the Faith Jam will resume as soon as I can. I miss writing together too. But, there will be a gush of writing prompts and we will all go drunk with words from His heart through our fingers and we’ll write like crazy when we resume. 😉
The Lord reveals to us and to the little girl in us at the right time—His time. Sometimes He knows how we can handle only bits and pieces at a time. Such it was with my daughter’s rape by an acquaintance. Pain, loss, suffering, nightmares, flashbacks, AND God’s loving arms. More inquiry, investigation, questioning, re-victimization, no justice, marital strife AND God’s hope that He would use all of it for blessing another and eventually glorifying Him. On the path to healing are many stops—some for grieving, and some for mustering strength to face another day. But it is a path to healing….. God’s healing not only makes us well, it can make us whole. I am praying with you and for you as you journey the healing path for the little girl within. If He leads you to a new book–do it; if not, thank Him anyway.
Thank you for sharing and for blessing me and so many with your honesty, your brokenness, and your faith,
Thank you Laurie, for your heart wide open here for me. For us. With us.
You are much more courageous than you think. I can see it. Hear it. Read it, in you. Courage is not about not being afraid, or unsure. It’s still going on, in spite of the fear. That is what you are doing. I think you will get through this hard, difficult labor and emerge a stronger woman for having faced the struggle. God has a way of doing that with each of us, in His own way. Although we are each unique in our lives and experiences, we are not really all that different. God is doing a good thing in you and will continue to do so “…may he equip you with all you need for doing his will. May he produce in you, through the power of Jesus Christ, every good thing that is pleasing to him. All glory to him forever and ever! Amen.”
Continuing to pray for you, my sister!!!
Oh, Dawn. I love visiting with you over our favorite table here at the blog — and at your place too. You make everything beautiful and soulfully inviting. Lots of color and vibrant — that’s you. I just want you to know that. I know now, it’s the little girl in you that I’ve been blogging alongside those many years. (can you believe it? years. (sigh))
Hey, there, Bonnie! I am so looking forward to reading your book. God has opened up that painful storeroom of the past not only to clean it out, but to demonstrate to countless others His power to transform even the darkest of places. I have hoped all along that you would write this very real story..I cannot imagine how many lives it will touch! Praying for you!
Oh, Tara. I hope I will feel as confident as you if and when this segment of my faith journey winds through. 🙂 Oh, you are a precious soul friend. I hope you’re walking through your journey feeling Him and friends close too.
Thank you so much for sharing parts of your story with us. The welcome in your words is warm and clear. I am so glad you are writing a new story in your new voice instead of trying to force forward former ways of navigating the world. I find myself crying as I hear (through your words) a call to the same thing in my own life. I’m emerging from a long, dark period–and as I begin to feel less devastated, I find myself trying to revert to an old, brittle strength rather than allowing this tender newness to continue it’s work in my life. May God continue to shield and nurture the tender seedlings of all our lives.
I know what you’re describing, Elena. That old, brittle strength. We must be compassionate and patient with ourselves. That’s all we knew what to do. That was the only way we knew. Thank you for coming alongside. Hugs to you too, as the tears ru through. Yes, may God continue to shield & nurture the tender seedlings. What a beautiful voice you speak from. Keep writing. Keep speaking.
Bonnie, I believe your voice is strong! The Lord has worked through you, to bring so many women out of silence. Your struggle is real, which makes you soooo strong. I will keep you in my prayers. Blessings! Cynthia
” Your struggle is real, which makes you soooo strong.” I never saw it this way. You are a soul writer. Yes, Cynthia. Uh huh. Thank you.
I’m sorry you are going through this, Bonnie, but I’m excited for the new doors God is opening for you. May you find His peace, strength and comfort as you journey through healing and pour out your brokenness in the pages of your new book.
Hi Julie. Thanks for being here in this journey. I saw you have a post scheduled for (in)courage and smiled. Keep speaking in the voice God’s placed within you.
I am ever here, when I am silent or loud, prayers rise all the same.
I am rejoicing in the little girl growing into the arms of Jesus, spreading her wings, flying for all who still cannot!
Oh, FireFly. I always hear God’s poetic voice singing through you. Like a hummingbird hovering over spring’s first flowers, you bring beauty wherever you place your words. Thank you.
Bonnie, you are such a huge blessing to me!!! You and I share much of the same journey with our health and writing. I know God is calling me to tell my story too and just last night this was my prayer…..
LORD, help me in this slump of mixed emotions that are causing me to freeze my desires, my destiny or maybe it’s just a couple of days, where I’m exhausted and needing refueled again. I’ve kept so much inside and I don’t know “how to be in this place” of so much hurt & sorrow in my heart & soul ~ I need to be set free LORD, please help me and comfort me.”I pray for your anointing, your peace and comfort, that when I awake I will know your hand upon me and giving me strength for the day; a new hope in my heart and joy that can only come from you.”
I awakened today to your post on my screen and again your blog was right on time and God speaking through you to me ~ I felt completely depleted, although I know in my heart what He’s calling me too…my strength was at zero and I really didn’t even know what to pray. I too have been asking God, do you want me to write a new story and put the old one to rest. I heard the LORD telling me that “He’s been giving me my story all along this past year as I’ve journaled.” He say’s, “It’s not about him”…..I knew God was telling me, this story is to bring honor to Me and not to wrap you up in the pain of your past relationship. I want to heal you from all of that, it’s time for you to be free.”
In this last week I have been journaling and God has been speaking very clearly to me and I was excited. It was 2 days later that I went to Priscilla Shirer simulcast at a local church and everything God had spoken to me 2 days before, was the same message I heard at the conference!
In my journal God had given me…..”the time is now to write and go forth in what you’ve called me to do”…..that you are with me in the Battle and taking me to the next level of excellence that I’ve been praying for”.
In Priscilla’s conference, her message was “The Battle is on your Knees” ~ I smiled (as God had given me the same msg). In her prayer, she shared that someone feels that God has been putting something on your heart for a long time and confirmations over and over and He’s telling you, “now is the time to do exactly what I’ve told you to do”…..
It was as if God had given her that message just for me 🙂 I journaled again…..LORD, You spoke so clearly and empowered my spirit, my soul and my heart and I know You’re taking me forward and pushing me through!!!
I thank God for you Bonnie and your obedience to what He’s calling you too….thank you for being my “soul sistah” across the miles and I will pray for you too! I’d like to share with you something God put on my heart in closing, that you’d be encouraged 🙂
“I BELIEVE” ~ When I am being true to my inner core of who I am and not walking in anyone else’s shadow ~ When I allow my true passion to rise up within my heart and soul….”true inner beauty is embraced”. It is then that in giving of myself, “as I truly am” that my heart is glad and joy shines forth. For me to truly shine is have FAITH that I am exactly where I am meant to be in the present moment. For when I am present with myself, “I am fully present with those I love.” When I believe that I’m doing what I am called to do matters, GOD will orchestrate my path as I continue to reach out to those, divinely appointed to walk along side me on my journey.”
BLESSINGS & GRACE!!!
In His Love, Fiona
Keep walking in the direction of the voice you’re listening so closely to. What a beautiful heart within you — who is journeying deeper with Jesus — in your story. Thank you for taking the time to share from where you’re at with us here, Fiona.
Bonnie, each time I read your blogs they go straight to my heart and give me words that I only had impressions or feelings for before. I am sooo thankful that you are writing the new book that is you, that is personal, that is straight from your heart. Your words are powerful and I believe they come from the heart of God because they bring me life each time I read them. Be encouraged. You have something important to say and Jesus will continue to birth each chapter in you.
I’ve been waiting to birth a book, but you are so right. God’s way seems to only be birthing a chapter at a time. Thank you, Joannie, for giving voice to the encouragement I long to receive. I’m with you too, friend. On the same journey of going deeper. With Jesus.
You know, Bonnie, I have always felt like I have a kindred spirit here with you. The way you express the *torture* of anxiety and panic. I get it. And it is so helpful to know that someone else is out there, feeling the same things – and still hanging on to Jesus. If your “new” book is about that walk of faith – the struggling steps, and the fearful but faithful moments – then I think MANY people will want to read it.
I love the little girl in you – and the voice that you allow her to have. She will speak to many people.
Praying for courage, for the ability to open your heart and share it. I just know that Jesus is with you, holding on to your hand in every moment, and through every word you write.
Hi Sharon. I know you get it. And that makes your prayers and encouragement go all the more deeper. Thank you. Kindred spirits. What a beautiful gift from Jesus.
Keep up the good work, Bonnie. Thanks for being so open & real! I shared with you before that I too, have PTSD. Once again, I’ve entered therapy to help heal my little girl. I will pray for you. Our Father above will carry us through.
We’ll keep journeying together, Donna. Right here next to you. Thank you for being next to me, too.
Praying for you during this difficult times. Praying for you healing. But, assuredly, Jesus has something very special in mind for you. Something wonderful. Something that will surprise you and bring you joy. You will find out what it is when you stand in a wide open expanse of Grace.
I am also wounded with a little girl inside that has been weeping for a very long time. So many rejections, hurt and pain. So many open wounds along side those that have formed thick scars. I want Jesus to shine His Light on all of them and heal them forever. I pray the same for you.
We’ll pray for each other as we journey down deeper. Thanks for being here, Christine. So glad you’re part of this community.
I am soooo proud of you… for trying, for listening, for seeking, for being so beautifully transparent, for sharing. Thank you. You are a gift. Your words are a gift.
Dear Deb, thank you for the way you weave words out to us. May He refresh you new, even now. 🙂
I love what and how you write, please don’t ever stop.
Oh, Doug. Amazing journeys we’ve both been walking through. Love how you do life with Jesus. And write. When it’s hard. When it’s real. Please don’t ever stop.
I’m praying for you, Bonnie. Praying for your little girl in you and for freedom with her voice to tell the story as He would have it told. Praying for your healing, for health and joy. Praying His arms to hold you as you write and thanking Him for your story.
Thank you Joni. Wish I could sit right across from you and hear your story too. Hugs received. 🙂
To you Sweet Girl, You have no idea where your painful stories have taken me on my journey over the last couple of months. I too share a very similar story to yours. You see my little girl self has been hiding on the dusty tiled floor of her bedroom holding her tattered blue Teddy bear waiting for a mommy to pick her up, hold her and tell her she is beautiful just the way she is. Until a couple months ago when I found your blog through Holley’s book I didn’t know that she was sitting there. Scared. Alone. Rejected. And what the mommy me has discovered is that I can love little girl me into wholeness as I ‘mommied’ my own children. You see, even though my mother created a very unsafe emotional environment for my brother and me I came out an amazing mother on the other side. Ask my children, now in their teens/twenties and they will tell you I’m a really good mom. So Mommy Me has decided to lift little girl me onto her lap and tell her how beautiful she is, how good she is, how smart she is and how she can do anything she wants to do with her life. Little girl me is going to be raised up in unconditional love and forgiveness. I am on this journey with you Sweet Girl. Have courage to raise your little girl as the wonderful mother you are. You have no idea how much she needs you now that you have met her. Keep telling your story Bonnie. You need to say it as much as we need to hear it. Prayers for strength are with you. You can do this…Little Girl Bonnie needs you to do this. It will heal the hurts she has and begin to allow her to become the woman God created her to be. We are here, your community of believers…for both of you.
wow. anne. wow. you and me. both such sweet, wonderful mommies to our children. and now, how shockingly unexpected this journey begins for us. to turn to the little girl in us now… thnk u for coming over to me and being friend. together. thank you. for sharing your beautiful story. so glad you are here.
I am proud of you. Of your hard work and your steadfastness to the end of your journey.
It is a journey.
It is just like any other marathon it takes courage to begin to move and take small steps.
At first it is inch by inch, then it is feet by feet, then it is half mile by half mile and by the time you are running you wonder why you stayed frozen so long on the sidelines.
The blending of the big girl voice and the little girl voice is empowering and healing.
Good job. I can’t wait to read your book.
Hugs to you my new dear friend.
“They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony” – that’s what the book of Revelation tells us. God is using your journey, your testimony. He is setting people free through it, He is overcoming satan’s destructive plans.
Just before I turned 40, I lost my husband (divorce), home (moved to a different house) and job. I had no idea what would come from all the loss. God uncovered new gifts and deepened existing gifts. He provided. He has used my testimony – as God is using yours – to let people know that they are not alone in their pain.
Blessings to you.
Bonnie, I am so thankful to God for holding you and carrying you through all that you have been experiencing in recent months. And I am so excited to hear about your “new book”. And mostly, to hear how you are following God step-by-step, and writing as He is leading you to write. Sharing your story and even seeking to meet a deadline with your “new book”. Simply following Him in love and obedience, whatever the outcome. Not even knowing what the outcome will be. You are surely an inspiration to many others who walk through similar stories. I was so blessed to read this post – and will continue to pray for you!! Sending love and prayers …
Follow that little girl, Bonnie. She will lead you straight to Jesus, straight to your true self, straight to the words. This is anointed, Bonnie. Lean into your anointing.
I feel your feelings…..oh how real they feel. I was going to a dark place today when I heard a song on the radio that helped me and just told me to whisper “Jesus”….and then I read a post (http://blog.precept.org/home/bid/178102/the-5-deadly-ds?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_content=6b9e81a1-57b2-4a21-92fd-67aee30a2687) that talked about discouragement, disgrace, disappointments….it was called the 5 Deadly D’s – it helped me so much. I can’t tell you how much reading yours and other’s blogs helps me. Whisper Jesus and he will be there – I did several times and he returned me from my dark place. Love In Christ, Melissa
Yes. Still waiting.
You go girl! U rock! U can do it! HE will b holding ur hand every step of the way! And our prayers are the air beneath ur wings! We sisters hold u up in prayer! Blessings!
As I read your words, I feel the pain and the courage. The words are a blessing showing how God and friends can help us move through troubled times together. Thank you for sharing the journey and your faith. Go with God.
Bonnie..I found your blog just as you started to share this story. I know so little about what you are facing but each time I see a post from you, I am happy that you have written. I know it is a choice to move forward with Christ at your side. That encourages me to try to do the same thing in my life.
Whether we face the same issues or not, all of us need Him to help us walk through this life. You are such an encouragement to remind me and others to walk forwrad with Him!!
Praying for you!!!
Praying for you on this new book journey!
Am praying for you Bonnie! We are all in this together!
My heart swelled so big when I read this post in my email earlier this week. It was like the Grinch’s heart on Christmas swelling with love for you and for God. I am so proud of the choice you are making to learn to use your new voice. I haven’t been able to get over here before now to comment. Your words taught me before to keep using my broken voice long before you are discovering your new voice by saying keep it real. You have been such an encouragement to me through the past several years as I have started finding my broken voice. I can’t write without thinking of you even if I am not writing often either. I love you friend and I will keep praying for you. I say the same to you KEEP IT REAL.
Although you’ve received dozens of comments to this post already, I want to add my voice, so you hear the vast chorus cheering you on. Those of us who follow your blog deeply empathize with your struggles. We experience encouragement from your honesty and strength from your perseverance. God is doing a miraculous transformation within you; we shout, “Press on, Bonnie! Celebration Day is just around the corner!”
Praise The Lord! God is going to use your voice in this new book in ways he never would have been able to from your previous book, I’m sure. When you’re living through the hurt, your voice is so much more authentic, and I just know that this book is a God thing. He’s using you this very minute to help the rest of us just by showing us your scars and inviting us to come along. We are all broken, and as an author, I hope this book is healing to you. I know it will be healing to readers! Much prayer during your time writing.
I’m so glad to have this faith community! Thank you once again Bonnie from all of us who can reach out to not feel alone in this journey of healing that little wounded girl :).
My heart has ached so much this last four years I honestly don’t know how it continues to beat. Yet it’s like the pain just keeps coming. This year has already been so painful with me having to step away from my family. My mom and stepdad and siblings. I e had to protect my heart and the hearts of my children. But it isn’t easy for a long time I have been responsible for so many but sometimes enough is enough. But it hurts and it’s hard.
there you are! missed you! so glad you’re here sharing more of your journey, making it ours. so brave, so good, so indicative of just how strong you are.
HE has made you a woman of power and influence in your weakness, pain, uncertainty, anxiety. so much more beautiful this way. flawless imperfections. love the way we get them from you!
thank you for pressing on and pressing through the pain to do what you do. you’re a blessing. do you know that? you’re so much stronger than i perceive you realize.
continue to “do Bonnie.” you will continue to bear fruit. it’s sooo sweet! thank you!
Bonnie, you are in my prayers. that God would give you comfort, strength and healing as you write. That He would give you clarity, boldness, as you share. that He will bring peace, the peace beyond understanding. That He will send light into the dark places. And freedom from the pain. That He would fill you with joy deeper that you have ever felt. Oh, Bonnie you are so brave, and I pray He helps you to carry the burden that those of us on this journey have shared with you. That He give you an escape when the burden is so heavy. That He will give you rest – -deep rest, refreshing rest. And that you will know Christ in a deeper way.
You have been a blessing and I know your writing will take much from you. Remember to take care of yourself physically as you write. Enjoy time each day with your family. Find balance.
I shared with you the pain of my grandson and his stepsister – -I don’t know if I followed up – – their father/stepfather was found guilty. His sentencing is in June. The commonwealth attorney is recommending life. I am praying that they feel safe and loved and they can heal.
Bonnie, as you take a bit of a sabbatical from us, know we understand, I will be praying for you – to find the words to bring healing to your heart, and I will be praying for those of us who will read your book once it is published that it will bring healing to us as well. May God be with you.
I am so glad to hear from you via this wonderful post–thank you so much for taking the time to write it for us! I’ve been thinking about you so often lately wondering how you’re doing, and I’m so thrilled to hear about your success with your new book strategy–that is awesome!! I’m so happy for you! Especially with writing, it’s so essential to remain flexible and be willing to start over with a new style (even though that’s so, so hard!), and so I admire you so much for having the flexibility and faith and openness to God’s plan to start over with your new style–that’s truly remarkable! It’s so wonderful that you’re being so persistent in your writing and are hard at work at it–you are an inspiration!! I wish you many blessings in writing your new book, and I am praying for you and for your new book! You are always in my heart and I will keep you in my prayers! Hugs to you!
I have the feeling the new book will be so much better than the old. Your reference to Paul writing from prison is good. He was imprisoned in a physical prison and yet he still wrote words of encouragement. What an example to press on for you and also for me Bonnie!
I read these words on Ann Voscamp’s blog and thought of you:
“The moment you stop caring what others think- is most likely when you start doing what God wants.”
May you continue even in the struggle to find your true voice and allow God to work in you and through you to impact others. I am praying for you.
Blessings and love,
Give up the old? I wanted to, but couldn’t figure out how to do it. God knew exactly how to do it so that I could never go back. I’m struggling to get over the sadness of it; in spite of my hope and expectation. It hurts but I am confident that the sky will brighten. I just recently found Faith Barista and am looking forward to future posts.
I just love you…. I am so grateful for your blog but more importantly for your continual courage… I was recently brave and stepped way out of my comfort zone… it was great but then it turned out terrible…. still because of God and because I am not as broken as I used to be I feel like I am doing ok… I am hurting right but in the past I would be devastated and had a very hard time recovering from the darkness (not to mention making the failure all my fault when it is not).. taking care of our little girl is so very important.. I read your blog this morning and it literally made me lighter… you inspire me with every word you write and even with the words you don’t… just knowing you and all the other beautiful people on this site are praying and looking to God is enough…. Thank you so much!!
Ahhhhh, my friend. I’m late to the comment party and the news on your life. Sorry for the tardiness.
I like this. I like the new voice you will write with,
it’s not a new voice here. I prayed for you as I read. May your words flow with healing balm–for your own soul, but also for the souls of those who will read your words. May you start to breathe freely as the words leave your body. May you know the goodness of God with every breath. May you trust that goodness with every thought.
Cheering you on!
Just found your blog 🙂 Very nice
I am excited to see what God does with your book and I look forward to reading it. I appreciate your vulnerability. I loved your blog about walking the little girl in you. I share it with a client who is struggling to face the little girl in her. Tears streamed down her face as I read it. It was a beautifully written word picture. Thank you. -Julie
Julie, that encourages my heart. Thank you for being here. And thank you for sharing the blog. So she can know she not alone on this journey to walk out the little girl in her with Jesus.
Oh my goodness Bonnie! It just makes me smile for joy at what God is doing in this process for you. I find myself relating in a small way as I begin to process and write my own story/journey through some things. It feels like it’s time and it’s scary because I’ve only shared with those close to me, or those I have had a conversation long enough to trust that they will listen. But over and over lately so many I’ve bumped shoulders with have brought up comments that make me think, maybe more of us need to share our stories.
Even just your sharing this process of writing/not writing here on your blog has been just the story I needed to hear to encourage me. I am not alone in some of these kinds of thoughts. Thank you for being willing to share “out loud” here. I know I have said that before to you, but I really mean it!
Thinking and praying for you right now as you type like mad to share your story.
Thank You for your words! They feel so much at home to my soul…the little girl inside me! You are awe inspiring…God is most definitely at the forefront on my heart and yours! I don’t know your sorrows, nor do I even know why God has brought your words so poignantly to my heart! However, I do know “That God has a perfect plan for our lives, as his precious daughters!”. Please keep on writing and knowing…You are changing the lives of many with your blog, and your words…in whatever form! Thank You so much! As sisters in Christ, in Faith, and Love for our Heavenly Father…We will surpass our dreams…into a future of a perfect plan that only comes from our gracious & merciful Heavenly Father!
Amen & Amen, Praise the Lord, Hallelujah!
“She will have perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on Him, because she trusts in Him.” Isaiah 26:3
Your post spoke every word of what I am experiencing. Thank you for speaking about the ache, the challenge and for the need to be authentic in our journey. We cannot hide the pain and only present the good to others. We must be true to who we are. There is no shame in being sad. If we were never sad, we would never know and appreciate joy.
Be encouraged, strong and courageous as God commanded Joshua. Write your story as He leads not by what used to work. For this year, God has made 2 Corinthians 5:17 my passage to follow and stand in. May it help you as well.
Hi! I am just visiting from your post at (en)courage today and I wanted to tell you I love your blog! I have had anxiety in the past so I can relate and I have found victory with Christ as well. I also have left something dear to me for an unknown. I left teaching (I loved it and long story) and have been a stay at home mom for a a little over three years now. Last year God called me to start a blog and sent me a group of people that told me I was a writer and is now my critique group. For over a year I said, “I can’t write” while bringing beautiful and moving pieces to my meetings. I just confessed to myself and God that apparently I am a writer and I will walk in that calling along with being a godly mom and wife. It’s crazy!! I connected with your posts and can’t wait to read more and see the journey He has you on as well. 🙂
Kelly… sounds like this is such an exciting time in your life. Your voice emerging … from another stay at home mom alongside you on this journey. So thankful we’re connected. Keep speaking from where you hear Him, friend and sharing it with the world.
You spoke at our church women’s retreat two years ago and I remembered the catchy title of your blog. I looked you up today because I’m starting out on public blogging after years of writing and teaching privately… And I am so very anxious/excited/afraid. I feel the little girl in me being so vulnerable, and yet I also feel the Spirit at my back. This post was so encouraging and lovely in its vulnerability. I am so glad you are still writing. I am praying for you right now, that God will open your mouth and fill it with his words: both words to nourish you, and words to speak to us all. Grace and peace, Bronwyn
I have read your blog many times, and have loved your insight and faith each time I have read. This latest post I am only now reading because I have been drowning in a sea of grief and am only now coming up for air.
My mother died on the last day of March after a 5-1/2 year battle with lung cancer. My dad died over 5 years ago, and I am left with only a brother who has no desire to have relationship with me. My mom’s passing left me feeling quite alone, despite the love and support of my husband and four incredible sons.
Your words speak volumes to my heart in this post. I was abused by an aunt as a small child…finally came to terms with this trauma after many years of PTSD and depression, just as my father passed away. My mom’s passing has made me realize how transient our lives really are; so much of what we experience is nothing more than a shadow of a memory in the giant scheme of our lives, and yet the joys and sorrows they leave behind are so intense and so long-lasting. But it is good to say goodbye to these ghosts of the past…even the good ones…sometimes. It clears the air for the new…even when we are unsure what the new will be.
As I watched my mother travel through her road of cancer treatments, as I endured my own journey with breast cancer in the middle of her battle, I learned that all we truly have is this moment in time. What is past is past, what has yet to be may never be. But this moment in time is ours to experience, savor, treasure, and then leave behind.
This is the lesson that living life–and facing death–has taught me, and the lesson that I had forgotten in the midst of my grief…until I read your words today. God is with me–God is with you–in this moment in time, and He will open our eyes and our hearts to the wonders of His world if we allow Him to…but we have to let go of what has passed before this moment in order to see what lies in front of us right now.
Simple, yet never easy. I pray that you will be blessed with the writing of this, your “new” book, that God will use you as He has used you in the past, to touch the lives and hearts of others by sharing your journey with us. Thank you for opening up your heart and your faith and your life to us, making yourself vulnerable to strangers in order to allow the will of God to shine through! You are a blessing to many, may He continue to bless you and yours!
[…] it depends on what’s happening. I write stories about what I’m going through.” I take a deep breath. And I let it out into the open. ”I’m writing about […]
[…] Do you remember — in May earlier this year — when I told you I couldn’t write the old book? […]
[…] I was there visiting with the mom at the breakfast table, sipping water. She was asking how my book writing’s going. I tell her it’s not easy, not like handing in homework. Not even like writing at work […]