“So my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter.” Donald Miller
{my images are free goodies for you to enjoy & share.}
I didn’t understand why it was happening.
I’ve been in a very good place, dreaming with God about my Life 2.0 — about making changes in my life to live as God’s beloved.
But, as I began to make plans to step out and put some ideas into action — and as I began to ask God what is the next step He wants me to take as a writer — I hit a fog… of resistance. A fear of uncertainty.
That stopped me in my tracks.
My mind began overflowing with “what ifs” — and I began hyper-analyzing my decisions — so much so I got confused.
What is it I wanted to do again?
I wasn’t sure anymore. I began second-guessing myself.
I saw myself begin to retreat. It’s so much easier to go back to doing life as I’ve always done it.
Instead of being God’s beloved — and following Him ahead — listening His Voice, I wanted to stay in my safe little box.
I started snacking at night and staying up late.
I started distracting myself by doing other things — well-meaning things for other purposes and other people — instead of taking the new steps I felt prompted a month ago to begin.
My room started piling up in clutter.
And I began to feel the weight of stress grow on my shoulders and numb my heart.
It was the stress of avoidance.
It was good timing that this week’s Online Spiritual Whitespace Book Club brought me back to the chapters 21-24 in my book Finding Spiritual Whitespace: Awakening Your Soul to Rest — where I made a life-changing decision to let go of the scripts I’ve always followed — in order to follow Jesus into an organic, living story with Him.
That event, along with my journey to find Spiritual Whitespace, ultimately led my panic attacks to cease (sweet kindreds, keep mum in the comments to avoid spoiler alerts.. thnx!)
I hope you get a copy of my book to explore the details of what this can mean for you.
As I re-read these chapters, I was brought back into the loving arms of Jesus — as He spoke right into the crossroads I’m standing at — between Life 1.0 and Life 2.0.
Are you at the crossroads of letting go of a script you’ve been following?
Do you hear God’s quiet, gentle voice
— to let go of those scripts
— to let go of your fears
— to let go of the “what if” scenarios
and take Jesus’ hands instead?
Let Jesus be your safety. Let His presence be your plan — instead of your own reasoning and certainty.
It’s okay to feel afraid. It’s okay to feel resistance.
Jesus is our Good Shepherd and He won’t let us go.
He won’t stop whispering. We know His voice.
And He’ll lead us through the gate.
I hope today’s excerpt from Finding Spiritual Whitespace will encourage your heart, as it has encouraged mine this week…
Rest in Your Story
I asked Jesus why he would want me to re-experience the pain of broken memories.
Jesus wanted me to, so I don’t have to carry the weight of hiding my heart or my story.
Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. (Matt. 11:28)
Our stories can rest in the open with him. Jesus doesn’t tell us to fix it. Get over it. He accepts our pain. He honors our brokenness. He says—
I want that. What nobody else wants. What nobody values.
Your story.
I love the real you.
I have called you by name. You are mine (Isa. 43:1).
I will carry you (46:4).
The Mission of Whitespace
Let your heart rest from holding back your story. No more running away. Let God write in the whitespaces, as you face the unknown with him.
Jesus will carry you through the whitespaces because God’s mission in spiritual whitespace is you.
Your heart is God’s mission field.
He wants to reach you where you’re unreached.
Found
Jesus puts us on his shoulders and carries us back home. Because he knows our names; he calls us “mine.”
His sandals are dry and dusty. He is anxious. He is desperately searching for the face of one who was missing when he counted ninety-nine.
He remembers the freckle on the pink near her nose. He knows she must be tired. Thirsty. Fallen in a ravine. Hungry and scared. Alone.
He says she is worth leaving the ninety-nine for. Because she isn’t an investment to him; he isn’t looking for an ROI. He loves her. She is his.
She is worth leaving everything for. He leaves happiness, comfort, and safety. He risks it all.
You know who he is.
This is the story of the Good Shepherd. He is Jesus. And he’s left it all to find us.
Lost, then found. This is the Good News that goes deeper every time we dare to live out who God made us to be in this world. Walking by faith. Placing our trust in him.
Jesus calls us to follow him. To go where he leads us. And we do, because his voice is different from the voices that have hurt and deserted us.
We can move out of the gate because he goes before us. He’ll carry us back when we fall.
You and I were meant to go on new journeys, to pursue desires God plants in our hearts. Let’s unearth the dreams we’ve long lost, buried.
Life is organic. It’s not always plastic, shiny, and perfect. Life changes like the seasons. This living way, after all, is a Person.
Rest comes from awakening our hearts with Jesus.
Rest in the gentle Voice of Jesus —
I choose you. I love you.
And I’m not letting go.
Just rest.
[Daily Word Croissant]
“Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. ” Luke 15:4–6 NIV
[Pull Up a Chair—Share]
What is God’s voice saying to you?
What are the scripts are you letting go of?
Who can you share today’s encouragement with?
Beloved Brew Link Up
Whole-hearted Writing. You & Jesus.
Welcome to our Beloved Brews weekly link-up! Pour out a little love with your words every Thursday {publish any day. link-up on Thursdays}. Simply write a blog post from your heart about what God’s sharing with you and then share it here. Don’t have a blog? Share a comment. Visit thebonniegray.com to read the comments & share your voice too.
Optional Writing prompt: {write a blog post from your heart about what God’s sharing with you} or {letting go of God’s voice}
Please use the Beloved Brews button in your blog post so others can join in with us {use this html code here}. When you link up your post, read & leave an encouraging comment on the post linked up just before yours. Thank you!
20 Comments
Bonnie, this is the craziest thing. I bought and read your book when I was at the brink of renewal, and I know it was literally God leading me to your book. My journey, while not the same as yours, is a very similar trajectory. I struggled for 2 years before this past year God just like BAM opening up my life to possibilities. This post came at the most perfect time and is exactly what I am going through.
I am honestly beyond scared and I have been having panic attacks up the wazoo, but I know that He is so here with me.
This was so helpful for me today. As always, your honest words bleed others.
Dear Soul Sister,
I haven’t commented in a really long time. And I am embarassed to admit I was so proud of the fact that I purchased your book before release. unfortunately I didn’t read it. I mean I planned on joining the book club but something went array? I am presently in the midst of uncertainity. How I wish the answer would just present itself and I could move on. Thank you for today’s post maybe I need to let go of the script and accept the uncertainity. Blessings my kindered
God told me, in a dramatic way last night, to let go of the script that I can do it all. I CANNOT. He’s telling me it is OK to say, “This is hard!” and “I need help!” In my weakness His strength is made perfect and it is OK for me to – in, fact, so much better for me – to learn that I can wait on and trust in Him. Thank you for saying this so beautifully, Bonnie!
Oh yes, Bonnie. I have been in that place this very week. Trying to avoid the prompting of my Father because it feels scary and uncomfortable. Its interesting that when I refuse to walk into what He asks of me, His voice seems absent. Then, if I am to listen, I hear the message repeated. He knows what is for our best, and waits patiently for us to walk in obedience into all that He asks of us. How wonderful that our stories are safe with Him – that He wants to hear them, and accepts us just as we are. We are meant to share! God has been speaking these words to my heart this week, as I prepared my post for next week. There is so much power in our shared stories!
Blessings,
Kamea
Yes, I find I do lean back into what’s comfortable. It’s so much easier. But I find I’m taking steps to believe BIG things from God. BIG prayers for a BIG God and trusting like I was afraid to before.
Thank you for these words. Today has been a day of second guessing the marching orders of God…whispers I KNOW I heard from His Voice, but the audible voices of others trying to counter it are so loud. Thank you for this balm of comfort.
Thank you. I’ve been wondering what it is I’ve been feeling. Lost and left behind and out of range of the Shepherd, but He’s on His way! If I keep crying out, he will hear me.
sweet morag, it’s so nice to hear your voice and hear the cafe door swing open with you, friend! 🙂 it’s amazing how it feels when Jesus touches our hearts and we understand why we feel lost. and like you said, we can turn to him. xo so happy to hear you share..!
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Bonnie your posts and your book have been blessings in my life. Today The Lord is asking me to open up spaces in my heart that I have kept closed to everyone including Him. Jesus is asking me to speak to Him with the hurting places of my heart.
Jacqueline, it’s so beautiful that we haven’t met in person, yet we feel closer to each other because of the journey the Lord is taking us on! keep listening and opening up those spaces. we are uncovering all the tender and beautiful places in us… keep being the beloved. you are soul beautiful. thnx for sharing.
Thanks for helping me to see avoidance in my own life! I’ve been doing the same thing. Turning toward the Good Shepherd now.
let’s turn towards the Good Shepherd and hold hands as kindreds! 🙂 thanks for sharing, Amy!
What a beautiful and simple reminder! Just this week, I had lunch with a friend I haven’t seen in a while. She had called me to ask if I might be interested in a part-time job, which included weekends. At first, I thought, ‘okay, she is concerned about our financial situation’ which I appreciate, but then she said that weekends shouldn’t be a problem for me since every other day is the same for me, I was hurt, then offended. My girlfriend in God, whom I’ve known for many years, and have been through so much with, just insulted me in a most unexpected way.
I have been following after GOD, and what HIS desire and plan is for me…and that includes trusting HIM with our finances. HE has graciously provided and answered specific prayers in regard to that situation…praise HIS Holy Name! I am my husband’s helper…supporting him and encouraging him is what I feel God has led me to do. I know without a doubt that as I put my faith and trust in the Lord, and listen for His quiet voice, the world will see me as strange…including my well-intended friend.
Thank you for yet another encouraging post to follow after JESUS!
I had a friend that said something like that to me, too.. because I was a stay-at-home mom.. and you know, i just have SO much time on my hands. 😉 lol. keep listening and honoring your own voice and your story. keep being confident of the calling God has in your life. And it IS worth a LOT – treasures in heaven, you’re storing – as you put your faith in God and be your husband’s help mate! that is beautiful and worthy of praise! 🙂 thnx for sharing, Diane!
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The “script” that keeps running in my head is that every time a new opportunity or chance of something wonderful happening appears on the horizon, I tend to over-think and catastrophize about everything that can go wrong. I don’t think about the things that could go right, about the things that are right, about the glorious way in which the pieces fell into place to lead me on this path. I’m too used to leaning into the negative, and I know better, I know that this is not what the Lord wants for me or for anyone else. It is tough, it is hard work to stay in faith, to not fall into discouragement and doubt. But I tell myself, that is what the enemy wants, to fill you with negatives, to separate you from the Lord. And that makes me try harder!
Hi Dee, yes, my therapist Dr. P told me that overthinking puts me in a place of anxiety. Because that what I always did as a little girl. I had to think things through so hard, because I was on my own. When I was little, I didn’t experience the anxiety because as children, God made our nervous system to separate it from us, so we can function. But, now that we are “safe” as grown ups, our nervous system is returning to “normal” and we feel the anxiety. So, no thinking for us! 🙂 we have to live by our heart and soul and trust God. Yes, just head in the opposite direction of those scripts!! With Jesus by our side, we can do it! 🙂
“I choose you. I love you.
And I’m not letting go.”
The Gospel. 🙂 Everything I have read and heard lately has been redirecting me to remembering the gospel. The sweet simple beginning that I have forgotten, leading to idols creeping into my life. I haven’t been active here like I was hoping to be with this book. Instead I was working through my “homework” from my counseling appointments and let me tell you, reading this book WHILE going through that process has been a lovely gift! The reminder to continue to rest while God does the work in me has brought me to a place of so much more peace, and remembering the simplicity of Jesus’ love and nearness has enabled me to talk about some once shameful and painful places.
Thank you for sharing your story and empowering many of us to do the same 🙂